Quote by Gerrie2012
This is a quality post! I concur and cannot add more, otherwise it bcomes a quantity post!
I stand up and clap for you Sir Gerrie . . . . well said, you made me laugh out loud.
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SDM
2 hours ago
Straight White/Caucasian Male, 54
0 km · Middelburg
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Sex God
Quote by Gerrie2012
Having a swinger's mindset I know it's all about the rules between couples! If your rules (as a couple) are not the same as the other couple's rules ...... and you really want to play with them!? Then mutual respect should come into play (as ALWAYS!!).
If the male (of a couple) do ask to play on the side - the 'mutual respect rule' must again apply (this is where you firmly inform the guy that you don't have a 'playing on the side rule'!). I'm saying this because if you don't stand for a set of rules in this game - you'll be falling for every other situation!!
well said Gerrie, rules are one of the most important parts of this lifestyle, and if you (couple) cannot stand by your (couple) own rules, well you are likely to be disappointed.
Sex God
Quote by Deviants
Much has been said about fake profiles, fake profile pictures, people pretending to be something they're not, lying about who they truly are, etc.
Why is it that we've never encountered any of these things? Why is it that these people have never made their existence known to us and why is it that we've never been affected by whatever it is these people purport themselves to be?
The answer is a very simple one really…. Quality versus quantity.
'What do you mean?' is a question that might arise when anyone reads this post and here's the reply:
In 7 years of being 'lifestylers' we've had the absolute privilege of being participants in 8 'play sessions.'
To the casual observer and more experienced swinger this may seem like a very tiny drop in a very vast ocean. To us though, it's reflective of the choices we have made as far as play partners are concerned. Don't get me wrong here…. There are some folk we've met that we would love to have experienced play time with but circumstance is a cruel mistress who will not be swayed when she decides whether or not anything will happen with potential playmates. Admittedly, there are only a few folk with whom this has happened and, when the time comes, that will be set straight
As far as we're concerned, the quality of the people we've met, those with whom we have shared ourselves and those with whom we will share in future is indicative of the type of people we are proud to call friends and we thank them from the bottom of our hearts for enriching our lives in so many varied and unique ways.
And to those with whom we will, undoubtedly, engage in future….. We're looking forward to it!
I think that what you have said here is very important, especially for anyone who is new to a site like this or even new to the lifestyle. I think too many people are of the mindset that it would be lots of sex from all over, and the reality is that it is not really like that.
I have encountered a number of people who have "Talked the talk", but could not "walk the walk" and I have encountered those that I had thought were only talking who then turned out to show me how to walk.
I think that you have the perfect approach when it comes to the choices you make regarding this lifestyle.
Perhaps those people that seem to encounter talkers all the time are not approaching it the best way, but everyone has to learn as they go along.
Sex God
Quote by Deviants
Take a good look through all the previous posts in this forum. It's surprising (and saddening) to see just how many folk get shot down simply because their opinion is different to that of someone else.
I'm not saying this is the only reason for so few contributors but it does have a rather large part to play.
Another thing i've seen is just how quickly a particular topic gets degenerated into something completely off-topic. I can only speak for myself here but to me it smacks of a lack of respect to the person who makes the initial post as well as to those who have a relevant reply to said topic.
Perhaps if people felt that their posts were being taken seriously and that they felt they would not be ridiculed or belittled, they may be more inclined to actually make a comment or post something worthwhile.
Just my two cents
I agree with you that in some cases, people get shot down because of their opinions. But that is more the exception than the rule. UNFORTUNATELY, most people seem to think that somebody else giving a different opinion to theirs is some kind of attack, when it is more often than not, just the person putting a different view point out for people to think or talk about.
To me, the forum is a good place to learn. We have the chance to learn about how people function, how they think, what they understand differently to us. If people think they have been shot down, they should ask for clarity, and ask in the forum, that way anybody else who also thinks that person was shot down, can offer support and another view point.
As for topics going off subject, that does indeed happen. But again, it is not an "attack" it's an opportunity that someone seized to start a different forum discussion. Perhaps the rest of us involved should highlight the faft and have the new topic moved and maybe the person who started the first forum, should just make another posting about their topic (in their original forum posting) to get the topic back on track, instead of just throwing their hands up and getting all huffy & puffy.
Sex God
Quote by LeeEC
15!! That's brilliant - the way to get more contributors is to first get more READERS!
So we are half way there!
Everyone invite your friends!
Queen Bee (spelled LeeEC), that is the source of my confusion . . . . people only seem to read and not contribute (well, unless it has something to do with political issues) . . . . they steer clear of the sex topics, but who can blame them, this is a sex site after-all . . .oh, wait, that would mean . . . . . .
Sex God
Quote by Adonis
Ek glo almal gaan in die oggende in die forum om te kyk of daar nie iets nuuts geplaas is nie. Moet se dit was nogal opvallend die hoeveelheid mense in die forum.
Maar soos gewoontlik was dit maar weer net dieselfde mense wat probeer om die forum aan die gang te hou, die een of twee vreeemdes wat waag om hulle nekke uit te steek maak 'n onbetrede opmerking en verdwyn dan ook net so vinnig.
Ek raak nogal bekommerd en sluit my daarby in, dat ons wat gereeld in die forum is krapperig raak en dit kan mense negatief maak. Kom ons almal probeer meer positief raak en ignoreer enige negatiewe reaksie en dalk net dalk kry ons meer mense om die forum te geniet
:thumbup: Kom ons try . . .
Sex God
Quote by redbruce
Hi SDMR,
Yip, I was one of them! Lurking around, reading everything that's been written, but seldom posting. I'm not really into the "banter" posts, being generally a "quiet type", but rather just making a comment now and then when I believe I have something useful to contribute.
There you are - I "fessed up"!!But I'm only one of 12......!
Haha, and my post has been read by 8 others already.
By the time I had finished posting, there was 15 people on-line in the forums. I am not complaining about it at all, as people are entitled to their own ways, I just found it a little unusual.
Sex God
So between 09h30 and about 10h00 this morning there was between 7 and 12 people "online in the forums" at any given stage.
What I am confused about, is that nobody wrote anything at all .. . . . last write up was from before 09h00 . . . . . I always thought that humans had lots to say, especially online . . . . seems I was wrong . . . . .
Sex God
DILEMMA
One friend said to the other, 'What is a dilemma, actually?' •
He replied, 'Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that.
Imagine that you are lying in a big bed with a beautiful naked young woman on one side
and a gay man on the other.
Who are you going to turn your back on?
Sex God
Quote by Daduke
Hello all you genuine swingers out there. I have to have my say on something that really bugs me. I am in the lifestyle to meet genuine and like minded people, this is proving to be harder than expected with all the fakes and thrill seekers on the site. They waste our time and are very rarely honest.
I also find that there are a number of lonely people out there who in the wee hours of the morning join the site in order to fill the empty void....... or in hope of filling the void. Once again a total waste of time.
How do we avoid this SH? cant you regulate the site usage a little more strictly?
What are your thoughts? genuine swingers.
If the site usage was regulated to be more strict, you would never have been allowed to join.
As for people not being honest, this is Africa dude, Africa which is in the place called the World, and the topic is Sex, so expecting 100% honesty from a cyber person . . . . . well, enough said!
Swinging while strictly speaking is for couples, the couple are also often interested in a third person, and normally, they want that third person to be unattached to avoid complications, hence the "opening" for single people.
I would strongly suggest that you have a look at your mindset and decide what you are actually looking for, and I have no doubt your success rate will improve dramatically.
And as for people (males) looking at your profile, you have pictures in the gallery, they are going to get looked at, and that then shows up on your profile.
Sex God
Quote by Respect
Ok every one lets vote were is the best place to dogging in Jhb ?
Once we find out we all must go there
from what I have read about this topic in this forum, the best place for dogging is right here on line, because nothing seems to happen anywhere else. But I really do hope your effort here works out.
Sex God
Quote by joyrider
Don't you think it is a nice confident booster for your self if a complete stranger walks up to you and says you look nice today? Sometime it is just what a person need at that moment in time.
I mean these day we would get in a lift in a building and not one person will even look in another persons direction let alone say good day to anyone.
That is why we have road rag. Just by smiling at someone or saying you look nice makes a big difference to some people.
Or am I wrong again?
Joyrider
Trying to make it work
you are perfectly correct, the problem is the world is just not conditioned to receive a compliment. Yes, every now and then it works out as intended, but that's very rare and seldom. It's a shame, because I believe that what you say should be more how it is.
Sex God
Quote by joyrider
Here is one for you to think about.
We that call our self's swingers have rules while I think at least some of us. Now been in the life style does not mean one has the right to sleep around behind your partners back or does it? The reason I ask myself this question there seems to be so many married men that do it or want to do it. Do the ladies it the life style also do it?
If so WHY.
Joyrider
Just trying to learn more about people.
to me, if you and a partner are swinging together, then that's what it should be. If one of them does it without the other partners knowledge, that (to me) is wrong.
Sex God
Quote by joyrider
okay looks like some miss understanding.
I am referring to you see a good looking lady in the spar do you walk up to her and tell her she is good looking or not?
Joyrider
Wanting to know if it is okay or just wrong
In Sunny South Africa, probably not a good idea to walk up to a stranger in a public place such as the Spar and say something nice. It is highly unlikely to be taken in a friendly way.
So I just make it clear that I think she is good looking with an approving "look or smile". . . . . . . she may have a jealous partner behind her somewhere and you end up making the rest of her day very difficult.
Sex God
Quote by LeeEC
On the note of partners: One of the key things guys DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE TO THEMSELVES AND REGULARLY ACT ON IN THEIR LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS* is that there was a recipe of sorts, to get that woman of yours - you had to date her and attract her, but most of you stopped doing about 80% of that stuff, soon as you 'caught' her. Thing is, we woman LOVE to be desired and wanted by our partners - it's what makes us WANT sex from you.
If you are ONLY going around complimenting strangers and she feels you NEVER (very seldom) pay any of that kind of attention to her efforts to look good and dress nicely for you (by commenting and complimenting her in the same way!) , then she feels like you are ONLY looking at them and wanting them and therefore NOT wanting her - nothing makes a woman NOT INTERESTED in sex quicker than a man who is not interested in her specifcally. She needs to feel like you CHOOSE her - again and again - over those other chicks that you think are hot - then she will WANT you! All the time! and not care if you look at other women and think they are hot because you keep making her feel like; whatever they look like; you still want HER more than you want them!
(*even if you all nod now, you still probably don't think about this on a daily basis and act accordingly on this information - so next time a mate whines about not getting enough - ask him how nicely he has been asking for it :haha: )
Sad thing is that this is true.
Men are always told to respect women and treat them as human beings (intelligent mature human beings that is) but we are also expected to do what is mentioned above . . . . . . . wait, put that noose away and listen first . . .
yes, a man should be treating his lady as best he can, yes a man should be wanting his lady of choice to look her best (as she with him) and yes, a man should not really be focusing on any other lady and her looks when he has his own.
My only issue with the above is that is seems to me like we are treating these intelligent, mature ladies as children, is it not really undermining their intelligence by telling them how they look in order to get their pants off? That would back fire on the man eventually just as easily as not complimenting her enough . . . . . .
Ok, so now I'm not sure if I made myself clear or not, but spoken I have . . . .
Sex God
Quote by Erotic_Nauty
Will admit I too perve the pics, mostly to gather more information since a picture sometimes is worth a thousand words....
As for taking them, I love the ones I manage to take, and have taken, that make me look sexy even to myself, but am always scared to show them. Mainly cause I am worried it may mislead people from the fact that I am actually bit overweight and not what every one would consider sexy....
I'm sorry, since when has weight had anything to do with being sexy?
Sex God
As a representative of the male of the species, I hang my head in shame.
It's fascinating how the men and women in this "lifestyle" all experience very similar situations when it comes to the actual meeting up. After reading what Mrs E & Sofistikitty have written, my immediate reaction was that the men they had spoken to were in fact not real. (as in, they claimed to be what they were not) which is a real shame, because Mrs. E & Sofistikitty are very real.
It's good that this is highlighted (however often) so that other people get to see the trend of false people.
Sex God
I suppose at first, it was all about getting "back into" something I really enjoyed some years back (with my then wife)
Meeting people in a public setting (pubs / clubs) is all good and well, but you have a number of drawbacks with that (we get too old to be in clubs and pubs all the time) there is always the chance that anyone willing to meet and shed clothing, is probably likely to give you something else too and not only an orgasm.
There are other sites that claim to cater for this need, and after paying membership fees, you get contacted by computers, and people who live thousands of kilometers away from you.
I found this site, gave it a try and found out rather quickly that being a "single member" was not ideal, however, the amount of couples looking for a third person for a threesome is quite staggering. Yes, success rate is obviously not ideal (will it ever be though?) BUT, I landed up staying here because of the other benefits, such as reading the forum topics and getting a way better understanding of how the rest of society views sex. The things I have learned about peoples views have helped me with other people (by simply letting me think something other than my own way)
I have made a number of good "writing" friends on this site, and even if I land in a situation of only meeting up with people once every few months, the other reasons are worth staying here.
Sex God
Single girls should not even consider going to an event such as Dogging by themselves (this is my opinion) from what I understand, Dogging is about watching people have sex (couple) now in it's 'original form" Dogging may have been about a random meeting (couple) who then proceeded to have sex and others watched, but it seems to be more a case of a couple decided they wanted to be watched.
We live in a place called "the world" and as PIB said, the male of the species is more often than not, a pig. He will go out of his way to find such an activity, even moan about not finding anything or actually arranging something, but then proceed to say immature and derogatory things . . . .
The frequent comment of "will there be any woman there" or "come on girls" . . . . think about it fellow males, WOMEN hold almost all the cards in the game of sex, they can (and do) arrange for just about anything they desire in the sexual department, males are the reason they keep the kind of things males are all looking for, for only a select few to enjoy
Sex God
Why is it that so few women as (opposed to men) are into the dogging scene / experience?
I know very little about Dogging, but it seems that it is a common thing that the men say "will there be any women there?"
I asked once before in the forums if there was actually any Dogging that goes on, and now I'm wondering again. The Dogging section in the forum is fairly busy (probably second busiest of all forums) so why is it that almost nothing seems to happen.
Sex God
Quote by joyrider
well does having sex then take a smoke break then have sex again then break for coffee and have sex again and cumming every time count as Multiples Orgasm
Joyrider
The longer the ride the better :twisted:
:twisted::lol:
A fair question Joyrider,
My immediate reaction was yes, of course. BUT, some people may see it differently I suppose.
I would say that if a male was able to Orgasm, have a coffee break, get hard again and orgasm again, then have a smoke break and get hard again and orgasm again . . . . that firstly he's rather lucky, and secondly that he would probably be more the exception than the rule. I now of course have to test this theory on myself (I will just have two coffee breaks) is a 15 minute time period sufficient to be classed as a coffee break?
Sex God
Quote by Pussinboots1
Blushing ...YOU can blush ???
I will keep you guys updated on the rest of the video`s......
ermmm have to watch them with intervals, as I am sure I might get my blood pressure rocketing sky high...and you all know High bloodpressure for old ladies is NOT a good thing....
@Jack99 . . . another stroke of sheer genius, now you have the woman talking openly about you in the forums. Well done young man :thumbup:
Sex God
Quote by joyrider
Well I like to think of myself as a connoisseur, but not a connoisseur of wine but a connoisseur of beauty. Meaning I like to look at beautiful women. Now is it right to look at other women if you are married or in a relationship? Now the same question can be asked I may women look at other men if they are married or in a relationship?
Then if you are the man in the relationship and another man is looking at you lady do you feel proud or jealous. Same question for the women if another lady is looking at your man, how do you feel, proud or jealous?
Joyrider
Enjoying real beauty
Well done to Joyrider, they got the first new thread going.
An interesting topic, I remember when I was a little younger (and I guess a little more insecure) another guy looking at my lady used to trigger jealousy, but my jealousy / annoyance was always then directed at my lady friend (remember, I said when I was younger) now that I am a little more older, whenever there is a person on my arm for longer than "once in a while encounters" I find myself having a silent chuckle and thinking, hmmmm he approves of my choice of lady.
