We found their ad on a quiet Tuesday night. It was listed under couples, not singles, which mattered. My wife had always been clear that she wasn’t looking for anything one-sided or overly focused on her with another woman. A full swap or soft play with another couple felt safer to her. The profile was straightforward: married pair, mid-thirties, experienced, open to meeting another couple for drinks and see where the eve...

Can You Separate Love From the Lifestyle? One of the things you'll hear quite often in the South African lifestyle community is this: "Sex is fine... feelings are where the trouble starts." Now, whether you agree with that or not, it's an interesting topic because almost every experienced couple seems to have an opinion. For most couples, the lifestyle isn't about replacing their marriage or long-term relationship. It's a...

Do Regular Play Partners Lead to Feelings? One of the things we've heard over and over again from people in the lifestyle is this: "Be careful of regulars. That's how feelings start." It got us thinking. Is that really true? Or is it one of those pieces of advice that gets passed around because it happened to someone once? The more we talk to experienced couples, the more we realize there doesn't seem to be one right answ...

Our biggest challenge, and I suspect many other newcomers experience the same thing, was simply not knowing how things actually unfold in the swinging lifestyle. When we first decided to explore swinging, we understood that sex with other people would be part of it, but we had no real idea how the flow of a night was supposed to work in practice. We often joked to ourselves, “Do people just look at the clock and say it’s...

Honestly, my wife just doesn’t like swallowing. That’s simply her personal preference, and it’s never been an issue between us. We’ve always been pretty open about what we’re into and what we’re not, so it’s understood and respected on both sides. In the swinging world, it’s kind of the same mindset for us. We’re open to experiences, but we still have our own boundaries. Hers are clear, and that’s one of them. It’s not ab...