Quote by daphil
Having it the other way around might sound like a wet dream come true . But when you just look past the bed for a while and imagine the worst mood your wife could be in , the multiply that by 2 , and all that energy is focused on you .... then it doesn't sound as fun anymore does it .

Hehehe, in our case I actually found that because Chanel and I were both women and understand women's emotions the emotional support we gave each other was one of the best things ever. 🤣
When a woman gets in a foul mood because of something hubby did (or just because of anything non-particular) she phones her best female friend to vent...now imagine if she is in love with that best friend, and that she lived with her and was there to give instant undivided support. 💖
There were times where Chanel would also go through rough personal times, and Jay would think he had done something wrong. I think it helped a lot when I would explain to him that it had nothing to do with him.
Damn, I miss her now. 😢

In the context of Polygamy as in marriage, I would not be able to give an opinion.

In the context of Polygamy where there are 3 partners in a permanent relationship, we have quite a bit of fair dealing.

First a bit of context:

1. Jay and I have had a few long-term relationships with girls, with the last one -Chanel -living with us for 10 months (still great friends) and we were for all intents and purposes in a Throuple relationship...it was one of the most amazing time periods of our relationship ever. Jay and her would do things together they loved, me and her would do things together we loved and then off-Course Jay and I had our standing things...ultimately all three of us also being together in a relationship.

2. I have had 2 long-term bulls so far (not at the same time) who were for all intents and purposes my full-time boyfriends while Jay and I are married. We would set up dates and play dates and I was in one relationship with Jay and Chanel -where Jay and I were each other's Primary partner and in another relationship with my bull (whom we also met here on this site).

We also have a long-term relationship with Keira but because we don't see each other daily, I will not count that for this purpose.

Being in a polygamous relationship does not come without its challenges. The same way you had challenges adapting back when you had your very first long-term/live-together relationship, you will have challenges in this one.

The biggest off-course is that there is still a bit of jealousy involved. With that, I don't just mean me being jealous of Jay's relationship with her, but also times where Jay would get a bit jealous of my alone time with her...and then times where she would feel left out when Jay and I go out and do things alone.
The key in our case (which might not be for every relationship), we found to be (a) Structure (b) Communication and (c) Prioritization.

With Structure, I mean that we had set days of the week where Jay and she would have their alone time, me and her our alone time, Jay and I our alone time and then ultimately all 3 of us together. We would change these schedules all the time, but the 1 I would think worked the best was:
(We would spend days together according to activities. Example: Jay and she loved jogging and would go jogging together, after which she and I would do selfcare (Facemasks, nails, hair etc.))
Monday, Wednesday & Sunday nights: Jay & I had our alone time.

Tuesdays: She and Jay (if my bull wanted to do a date outside our daytime plays, these were usually te days.)
Thursdays: She and I

Fridays & Saturdays: All 3 of us together.

We would also have day-time schedules. Example: If I had something on with my bull, Jay and Chanel would have the day together. If Jay had to work weekends, Chanel and I would spend it together.

If one partner is dealing with something however, and needs a bit of one-on-one comfort time, then the schedule gets put aside for that day or however long it takes.

We would openly communicate our plans and experiences with each other, with absolute honesty...this includes universal respect among all members.

Finally, Jay and I would always prioritize ourselves as our Primary relationship, but without neglecting her.

It takes quite a bit of getting used to.

About 10 months in, she got a full scholarship to study toward a Master Chef program in France and we had to push her to accept it. We still love her and speak to her often, and obviously still play when she does come to visit. If we ever move to France (which I strongly doubt we'll do) or if she moves back, we would absolutely get into a fulltime Throuple relationship with her again. If we meet another girl that we fall in love with, we will absolutely do it again.

As for my bull, he became one of Jay's best friends ever to this day. If your partner falls in love with someone, the chances are great that this person will have similar traits to you...which more often than not will mean that you and their partner may very well end up being fantastic friends. (Jay and he even tag-teamed me a few times.)

Now, we obviously made mistakes as we progressed -as all people in all relationships do- but we also learned from those mistakes -as all people in all relationships do. (For example, sometimes you will find yourself giving a bit more attention to one partner than the other. Sometimes you will find yourself in a fight with one partner, subconsciously unfairly seeking the other's validation -which is a huge mistake and very unfair to both of them. Etc. etc. etc. I should stress at this point, that we had a standing rule that 2 partners who had a fight, had to spend the night together, no matter what the schedule said.)

Anyways, if you do it right, a polygamist relationship can be one of the most rewarding things to ever experience.

I think preference on size, is a personal matter, and no-one should be made to feel guilty over what they prefer.
As a born & bred Freestate girl, I tend to like bigger guys because I grew up with the farm boys being the alphas in the area we lived.

That being said, when we talk about bigger guys, there is still a difference between a "solid" big guy and a "cuddly" big guy. I personally prefer the former for sexual fun and the latter for conversation.

I also like shorter guys as well, as I have learned they tend to have the bigger fighting spirit and better sense of humor.

I will admit, a guy with a six-pack is always good on the eye, but it is definitely not a deciding factor over whether or not I'm getting wet for him.

As for the question over whether body size will change how the fun turns out...the answer would have to be a definite Yes.
Bigger guys who are not too fit, tend to slump when they get tired, so unless I know what their stamina is like, they ain't getting on top of me during Missionary, Sideways or Dragon...ever. It is also physically impossible to do the Dancer position with them.
Furthermore, bigger guys also tend to sweat faster and more in volume, sealing the no-missionary deal for me personally.

Also, I love it when one guy is busy doing me missionary or doggy, while the other is standing overhead for me to suck him off. Unfortunately, this is very unpleasant if the belly is too big. (I'm not asking for a 6-pack, just to not be smothered or drowned by sweat.)
Fitness and endurance levels also greatly impact how long a guy can go. If a guy has a higher fitness level and greater endurance, I like to start with positions that are pleasurable to me, but does not make me cum fast.
I absolutely love doggy style, but do love it more with taller guys...if their stomachs allow them to go deep.

So:
1. Tall bigger guys with manageable bellies and good stamina:
a. Missionary
b. Sideways
c. Dragon (on my stomach)
d. Stand and Carry
e. Linguini (On my side with one leg under him and the other over)
f. Cowgirl
g. Reverse Cowgirl
h. Doggy Style.
i. Dancer (Standing with leg lifted)
j. Mastery/Lotus (Me sitting on top of him while he is sitting)
k. Corkscrew

2. Tall bigger guys with big bellies and/or low stamina:
a. Cowgirl
b. Reverse Cowgirl

3. Shorter guys with manageable bellies and good stamina (Jay's category):
a. Missionary
b. Sideways
c. Dragon
d. Linguini
e. Cowgirl
f. Reverse Cowgirl
g. Mastery/Lotus
h. Corkscrew
i. Spooning

4. Shorter guys with big bellies and/or low stamina:
a. Cowgirl
b. Reverse Cowgirl

So in essence, body-type -purely for practical reasons -will indeed determine the kind of fun we will have.

Sometimes Jay will join and tag-team me with my bull. They then both push me to the max, until I am exhausted...or the time runs out.

Other times, he will sit in the room while I play in front of him until both me and my bull has had enough. I especially love it when my bull tells me mid-play to "look at your husband" (almost instant orgasm). After play, I will lay on the bed and Jay may come closer to see my bull's cum flow out of my pussy.

On a few occasions, we set up a camera (with the bull's permission) and lock the door, with Jay watching while I'm playing. In these cases, I leave my bull's cum inside me to show Jay afterwards.

On rare occasions -and only with a long-term dedicated bull -Jay will let me play alone completely. He will know that I'm going to play and only knows I'm done when I call him or go to wherever he is.

We both find all of these scenarios extremely hot.

After play, my bull may have a coffee and a chat, but they always leave in the end and I sleep with Jay. (Only girlfriends get to sleep over, but also not all the time.)

Absolutely. I often like to watch him when he's with one of our girlfriends. A lot of times, I just sit on the side and watch him. I also do cuckold him quite often, thought it is not a condition for me to be his cuckquean.

Well, for starters, there are 91,477 Male profiles on here, whilst there are only 13,726 female profiles on here. Of those 13k female profiles, almost all of them are indeed single or have permission...whereas of the 91k male profiles (in my experience) at least half of them are playing without permission.

Males playing without permission have led to a lot of drama for people exploring the lifestyle...much more than the few females who do so. People are therefore generally much less tolerant of males who do it, due to the sheer volume of it happening.

Now, with regards to the double standards...

When a man plays behind his wife's back, he is always inevitably found out, leading -a lot of times -to broken homes and children suffering in the process. The wife, then almost always creates a lot of drama for the person he was cheating with.

When it is a female who plays around, the husband very rarely contacts the people she was cheating with.

Anyways, breaking your partner's trust (whether you are male or female) goes against everything the Swingers lifestyle is about, and should never be done. When relationships break up, it is more often than not, not about the sex or the money...but about the fact that the partner cannot trust their partner anymore.

Whether you are male or female, never do this to your partner or to the people you wish to cheat with.

Jay and I have one rule -above all other rules -in our relationship: No Drama! Not from family, not from friends and most certainly not from strangers...anyone who plays without their partner's permission will inevitably bring drama into our life and we will avoid them at all cost.

Btw. If you filter those results down to profiles active in the past 30 days...
Males
907 Females
...and that does not account for the thousands of "Couple" profiles where the wife does not even know about SH.

The good old days are not gone...they just changed.

I think there are a lot of factors to consider regarding this...all of it having to do with how the world has changed.

That doesn't mean people don't still have fun though. Jay and I still have a lot of fun, even though our schedules don't really permit it as much as it used to anymore.

1. People changed...that means we as well as those who lead the way.

2. The platforms & technology where people are active, changed.

3. Culture & Society changed.

1. How People Changed

One thing that has remained constant on these platforms, is that a majority of new profiles (I would say 90%) are usually set up by men who have convinced their wives that having a threesome will spice up their wobbly marriage. They then sign up to these platforms and the men go on the hunt for girls they'd like to sleep with. These men usually tend to look at younger women.

When Jay and I signed up on this platform I was 19 years old and a lingerie model. In our case, it was mainly driven by me with Jay supporting my high sexual drive. I was on a journey, greatly inspired by the Emmanuelle series (which I kind of still am), and Jay has been there with me every step of the way. Anyways, I got thousands of direct messages here and in the chat room. (Needless to say that I shot down a vast majority of them, because they were either rude or just down-right vulgar, or wanting me to play alone and feed their fantasy.)

While I still get a lot of DM's, I'm no longer the 19-year old I was back then. As such, the general demography that used to "target" me has shrunk significantly. (Even though the unsolicited dick-pick thing still hasn't changed. Seriously, what is with that?! 😂🤣)

Back then, I also had a lot of university friends, and playtimes were ample. Jay would often find himself waking up in a bed with me and up to 3 other girls, not knowing if we were in Bloemfontein or Klerksdorp. 🤣They have since, all gone on to graduate, taken up careers, got married, got kids and most of them now are no longer as adventurous as they used to be back then.

Back then, Jay was a corporate executive and I was a student...we had lots of time! Now, Jay and I run 4 companies together...we have significantly less time. 😅

Also, as a student, I did not care who knew what my lifestyle was...now I have very powerful clients -some of whom are quite conservative -and I do need to exercise a bit of caution.

The point is, that as you grow older, your life will change and you will change...along with most of the people who are interested in you.

Read on though, there is light at the end of the tunnel. 😅

About 2 years into our journey, Jay introduced me to a friend of his who was a much respected owner of a series of strip clubs, and also hosted swingers parties. I remember my first impression of this man and his wife, being that they really knew what they were doing and that they were in control of things.

Most of these kinds of trailblazers (even though just 9 years ago) have since passed away, or "retired" from the lifestyle. As such, those who showed the way, have also changed.

2. How the platforms have changed.

Back when we started, Mxit was dying and WhatsApp wasn't nearly as popular or advanced as it is today. Facebook was pretty much the only social platform, and because it disallowed almost anything not in line with their conservative views, people flocked to sites like SH. That is why you would have been able to get hookups much easier then than now. Think of it like old TV shows. Everyone watched them, because the options were limited.

Nowadays, platforms like Twitter (or X) have become the mainstream for people in alternative lifestyles -which includes Swinging and Polyamory. They are not nearly as nice as SH, but the changes in platform preferences, have made life a lot faster in just the last 11 years. Also, with all the horror stories you hear about people sharing nudes they get, apps like Snapchat has become the safer alternative for sharing sensitive media with people you don't know.

3. How culture & society has changed

Even though just 11 years ago, a lot has changed in the culture of sexual adventure. I had read the Fifty Shades of Grey book and was waiting for the movie. (The movie was an absolute disappointment to me...oh and as far as books go, Red Phoenix's work is still the best!)

Back then, the culture of Swinging life was still pretty solid. In the last 11 years, I saw how more and more fetishes became prominent, leading to entire avenues of their own. For example, back when I started my journey as a sub, spanking was part of the package...today, spanking/whipping/belting is an entire genre all on its own. As such, you see a lot of people move away from the mainstream genre of Swinging and going into their respective fields of fetishes. (I.e. Smaller more intensified and specialized groups...enter platforms like Fetlife.)

Furthermore, society, has seen a massive clash between the woke and conservative views in life. This has resulted in massive polarization with more people moving to one side or the other. I personally don't agree with 80% of the woke views, but I will also never be able to adhere to the notions against liberation such as sexual freedom and promiscuity. Unfortunately, society as a whole has seen people choose one or the other, in its entirety.

Summary

Whether it be a Pub, a Company, a Town or a Swinger's haven...times and people will change...this is inevitable.

DON't GIVE UP! The good times don't need to be over.

The following quote is famously attributed to Charles Darwin: "There are those who hold it that the success of a species lies in it's strength and others who counter it is in its intelligence. I propose that the success of a species lies in neither of these, but in its ability to adapt."

A. Start looking wider

This platform -like everything else in life -too, has changed. There are still a lot of good people on here that really want to play, but make peace with the fact that you might have to look elsewhere...in real life around you.

Use Twitter, explore the world of Adult Entertainment, you will be surprised how many performers there are from South Africa...who all wish to explore. Invite them to view your profile on SH and to open up their own. Stop waiting for Felicity Admin to attract people here...if you are part of this community, and you want it to thrive, you also have an obligation to help it grow. 😊

Examples:

Jay and I have taken quite a fancy in a girl who works out in gym at the same time as we do. We started befriending her, and learned that she has a boyfriend...and that she and her boyfriend have been wanting to explore the lifestyle, but didn't know where to start.

We went to a nude beach and were the only couple there when another couple walked by. We befriended them.

Etc. etc. etc.

C. Use the available avenues

There are a number of people who are running venues and events on SH. Whilst it is true that the lockdown destroyed a lot of this, those that remain, work hard to keep it alive. Attend these events and get to know those who really want to hook up.

B. Look for quality instead of quantity

The first girl we met here on SH became one of our best friends ever. She in turn, saw that I loved doing video streams in the chat, and convinced me to start doing it elsewhere for an income. While I'm still running my company, the other avenue has opened up an amazing world of experience for us -including meeting some great people -and boosted my income tenfold at the same time.

The first guy we met here on SH (he recently commented on one of my photos) became my long-term dedicated bull for 3 years, until we moved away. He is still one of our best friends.

One of the couples we met on here, also became great friends of ours.

Having people you get to know and trust, will always ensure much more playtime than quick a swing-by with a couple of strangers...and these people might know other people who know other people...and that is when you might just find yourself in the greatest Swingers Party you have ever attended. 😉

The good times ain't over by a long-shot!

Quote by PoohC

So .... are you going to show us the video

Best I can do. 😉

Quote by PoohC

So .... are you going to show us the video

I tried to, but SH's rules do not allow Identifiable third parties. 🙂

Quote by PoohC
Would it turn your husband on if another lady licked his sperm out of you?    Instead of a guy

Hehe, funnily enough...on the very date that you posted that message, my girlfriend Chanel (the one who stayed with us) and I took turns licking each other clean. Got it on video as well.

Quote by PoohC
Would it turn your husband on if another lady licked his sperm out of you?    Instead of a guy

Hi hi.
Only saw this now. Yes he loves that! We have 4 girlfriends whom we play with often, one of whom stayed with us for about 10 months. Me and my girlfriends licking his cum out of each other is actually quite a regular thing.

Have a look at Club Rome. People we know did that on stage about 2 weeks ago there.

In my opinion, both attractive features as well as intelligence are rather contributing factors than decisive factors. Let me explain...

1. You get good looking guys who cannot keep a conversation or get a joke or is agressive...bad partner.

2. You get intelligent guys who cannot keep a conversation or get a joke or is agressive...bad partner.

See what I did there? (I really hope you get it. Lol)

I will however humour you with a citerus parabus (all else remains the same) scenario of a hypothetical guy? We'll call him Mr. Y...I don't know why.

Mr. Y is a generous guy who makes me laugh and treats me well. He has a great sense of style and and provides me with physical, financial and emotional security. He is a generous lover who always makes sure I have great orgasms.

Mr. Y however has an IQ of only 100 with a beer belly and double chin.

Now...if I could choose to give him either more intelligence or a better physical appearance, I would choose intelligence.

Reason being? Jay (my husband) does bodybuilding and looks good, but he also has an incredibly high IQ. Whilst his intelligence can be intimidating at times, and just down-right condescending at other times, it has gotten us out of some pretty sticky situations. It also ensures that we live a very comfortable lifestyle.

Oh, and by using his intelligence, Jay has -through extensive research and networking gotten on a great bodybuilding program and in my opinion, it gives him a pretty good physical appearance hehehe. Furthermore, looking good does require a significant budget, and intelligence surely helps with acquiring said finances.

Now, the flip-side of the coin...

If I was a young billionaire's daughter with shrewd manners and a strong desire to always be right, physical appearance would have been a no-brainer when it comes to choosing Mr. Y's bonus point attributes.

As I said, these 2 attributes are contributing factors and not decisive factors on their own...and they would carry different weights depending on the woman's personal needs.

Hope that makes sense.

Wow, look at this thread still going after almost 2 years! 🤟
Strangest place for us: Jay and I were both Surveillance Specialists (he was an Intel Operator and I was a Surveillance Systems Engineer) and were in a roof busy installing covert pin-hole cameras in the ceiling, when we heard movement below the ceiling. (We met on the job.)
We waited it out a bit, and then both of us got handsy...omw it was excruciating to have to keep quiet and keep slow. It was intense AF!
Afterwards, we had to take a shower (do you have any idea how much dust there is in a building's ceiling?)...and then we let the world hear us.

Hi Guys!
So sorry, we only saw this post now -almost a year later. Did you have any luck in your search for a unicorn?

We have had quite a few girlfriends so far. Some more casual and also some more serious. Our most recent girlfriend lived with us since shortly after her 18th birthday for 9½ months until she got a scholarship into a master chef program.

We did everything together and it was one of the most amazing times we ever had. We also do webcam shows on Chaturbate (cee4u2nv) and she even went on cam with us. (She and some of our other girlfriends can also be seen in our profile there.)
Sadly, we had to let her take the master chef scholarship as that was the best thing for her. (Yeah we actually fell in love with her and put her needs ahead of ours.)

With regards to getting a girl, I strongly recommend you read our post from June 2019 here on the Forum titled "The hunt for the "Unicorn" (Getting a girl for a threesome) -By Cee"
https://www.swingingheaven.za.com/swingers-forum/anything-goes/the-hunt-for-the-unicorn-getting-a-girl-for-a-threesome--by-cee
The most important thing, is to remember that you should first have your own relationship and mindsets right before going for it. The second most important being, that you should not objectify her, but instead approach her as a couple the way you would if you were a single person trying to woo someone. If you can get these 2 principles right, you will have some of the most amazing experiences that you've ever had.
As for finding her, you can find her anywhere: Sports events; through friends; clubs; church/mosque; neighbor/neighbor's daughter hehe. The places you would meet a normal girl for a normal relationship is where you will find the best unicorn.
In our experience, Adult sites, dating apps, classifieds etc. usually do not render any good results, though I should mention we met our best girlfriend right here on CB. 😊

Hope that helps.

Quote by PoohC
Sorry Mam, Does this rag smell like Chloroform!

 OMG! This made me laugh so hard now, everyone in the office was looking at me! 

Our girlfriends range from 18 to 28. 

Shortly after Jay's 32nd birthday, we were in a shop and saw the most beautiful 19 year old cashier. Jay in front of me, smiled, looked her straight in the eyes and said: "This town surely has the most beautiful girls in the country."...a line that works a lot of times for us.

She smiled back and replied: "Hehe, wil Oom 'n sakkie hê om die goed in te sit?"

Jay was absolutely crushed, but I nearly wet myself from laughing. I looked at her and said: "Jy kan sê Oom, solank jy net nie sê 'Nee Oom' nie."

The girl and I both had quite a giggle over it, until I told her we really liked her as a couple, and invited her out for drinks...to our both's greatest surprise, she said yes!

Well the rest, gets a bit pornographic, but that was the best "saving" pickup line I've ever used. 

Hi there

Cee (girl) here. Mmmmm ok, so this is actually a tricky question to answer. It is kind of like: What do guys prefer, a Ford Ranger Raptor or a  Lamborghini Gallardo. 

See, a Lambo is mega awesome and great to look at, and will practically guarantee you getting laid...but if you find yourself on a rainy summer night at the Loch Athlone damn in Bethlehem and you get stuck in the mud, leaving your girlfriend frantically slapping the air and emptying her R2,500 bottle of perfume to fend off mosquitoes...well you'll kind of hope you had rather bought the Ford. 

Now, I am not gonna claim to speak for all of woman-kind, but as with all things female, it does get kind of complicated.
The fact is (if women are self-confident and honest with themselves), they will admit that we in general do prefer men who look well after themselves. They are good to look at, good to show off to your girlfriends and family and generally have a lot more stamina in bed. Their general self confidence also makes them quite attractive.

That being said, it really depends on the guy himself, on whether or not he will be able to hold our attention. See, there are also quite a number of well-built guys out there that are very immature and unskilled in bed. An immature guy who cannot hold his temper, or does not have a sense of humor, is pretty much like a Da Vinci painting...cool to look at and show off, but an absolute nightmare to maintain.

I love having one-night-stands with hunks, but in the end, a beer-belly guy with a great sense of humor that worships my body will steal me away every time...provided he'll be willing to trade his Gallardo for a Ranger.

Clean shaven...definitely! You should floss before you start playing, not during.  :grin:

I realize this is an old post, but saw it in the "Recents" section...

We both absolutely LOVE IT!

Jay is a corporate executive and very authoritative (alpha) personality. 

However, from the time we first started doing it about 6 years ago, it has been making him insanely horny to watch me get fucked. 

It's like it flips a switch in his head that puts his drive (sex, love, work, business etc) into hyper mode. We still don't understand the psychology behind it, but Yes Yes Yes. Lol

Hi 

Cee (girl) here. 

Hehehehehe, we are part-time cam models...which involves me being in different lingerie 4 times a week. About 6 months ago -during a live show -I forcefully dressed Jay in my white Lingerie. 😂😂😂

I still have some still shots from that, and he still hasn't forgiven me...

Whilst it does not turn me on, it sure as hell made my night...and I still grin when I think about it. 😂😂😂

For us, condoms are non-negotiable.

We both love having sex without condoms, but reserve that for our exclusive girlfriends only.

Hi there

Cee (girl) here. 

(This is just our preference.)

We do have very good male friends over quite frequently. We have some of Jay's best friends (like brothers to him), joining him to tag-team me...

To be honest, we always basically just wants them to go when all fun has been had. Basically, get dressed...have a cigarette and a cup of coffee...then say bye. 

Anything longer than that pretty much just makes it awkward...unless we go for rounds 7 & 8, but they usually know it's not heading that direction when I get dressed.

See, after we're spent, I just want to curl up in Jay's arms and recap the event while I doze off to sleep...with a guy sitting there watching, he is depriving me of dozing off whilst still being under the endorphine spell.

As recommended by others here, you can very well just ignore him, as it usually is a Nigerian or Indian scammer. (Friends of ours' son -a university student -was recently also a victim of one, and ignored him and nothing happened). In 99.9% of all such cases, they do go away.

That being said, I highly recommend pressing criminal charges. If you ignore him, he's just gonna continue exploiting others. In my opinion crushing him will not only give you great satisfaction, but also save lots of other people.

Ps: If he happens to be outside of South Africa, the police hands it over to Interpol's International Internet Crimes division. If your investigating officer is too ignorant to do so, a simple letter from your lawyer will have it done in 48 hours.

@Bosman
Jay here. It is such a pity we only see this now! What happened since? We sincerely hope it turned out well for you.

In terms of the Criminal Law Amendment Act 105 of 1997, Extortion (Blackmail) is a very serious criminal offence which -if the amount is high enough -can carry the same prescribed sentence in South Africa as murder. For small amounts it can still carry a prison sentence. In recent case law, Alex Anderson -an IT Specialist -was sentenced to 6 months in prison or R6,000 fine, and that was just for holding a R250 domain name ransom.
 
In the event of someone extorting you:
1. Save all the evidence. Take screenshots and print them out.
2. Go to your nearest police station as soon as possible and submit an affidavit relating to the incident.
3. Give the police all the details about the person together with the evidence you have. If you have paid them any amounts make sure to include this in your affidavit along with any proof you might have.
(It is completely understandable that you might feel embarrassed, but trust me the police see a lot of these types of cases.)

The police is mandated to investigate any extortion case, after which prosecutors have a duty to prosecute them to the full extend of the law. If you do not have the person's name, the police will obtain it by means of a 205 Summons on the RICA registration details of their phone number. If the culprit no longer uses that phone, the police will obtain a 205 Summons against the website to hand over their IP address, which will lead them to the perpetrator.
-----------
Once you have laid a criminal complaint, and if your finances allow it, seek legal aid from any lawyer as soon as possible. Your lawyer will guide you in obtaining a court interdict against the culprit prohibiting them from posting, sharing and/or distributing any incriminating material they have against you, and to hand over all copies they have to the court, where it will be destroyed, or kept at the SAP-13 evidence for criminal proceedings. Don't worry, this will only ever be seen by your lawyer, the prosecutor (if they prosecute criminally), the magistrate and the defense counsel...if the culprit pleads not guilty or contests your claim (all of whom who sees this all the time).

Your lawyer will also formally warn them that if they do post it on social media, that they will be guilty of:
1. Criminal Extortion
2. Criminal Contempt of court (for ignoring the interdict)
3. Libel
4. Defamation of character (delict) which will make them liable for any damages and/or loss of income you may suffer from the incident.

We really hope it turned out well for you. If you are still struggling with this issue please follow the steps above. Alternatively, you can also contact companies like SUPRA Private Investigators for help. I have not dealt with them personally, but I have handled cases handed over by them.
Long story short: Attack is the best form of defense. Follow my steps, and your blackmailer will spend a lot of years in prison, after which they will have to find piece-jobs to pay you off for the rest of their lives. 

He finished his term, and Obama was elected in...so he is not thought of anymore. ;)

From our experience, I can tell you that ladies mostly love this. However, for straight guys like my hubby Jay it is kind of a turn-off when guys lick his semen out of me. He allows it (because I love it), but struggles a lot to get it up again after that...so in our case we usually leave it for the very end (when we're basically done for the night).

Hi fandad

That is the most common quest for couples entering the lifestyle. 

Have a look at our Forum post "The hunt for the "Unicorn", which is also in this (Anything Goes) forum.

https://www.swingingheaven.za.com/n8QYH1bBQEyHfmSe

Hope it helps you.

UNICORN
A bisexual person (usually -though not always -female) who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will date and become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience that couple.
A couple's girlfriend.
Polyamory Dictionary

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Almost every couple that registers on a site like Swinging Heaven did so looking for a threesome... 
So, you have decided to spice up your love life, and now you are looking for a girl. 
Take a look around...so does everyone else!

We have heard literally hundreds of couples (not exaggerating) complaining they find it immensely difficult to find a single lady to spice up their relationship...that ever eluding fantasy, that Unicorn...thinking they can log on, chat and bang...sorry folks, doesn't work like that. 

Over the past 7 years, we have had some amazing experiences (and also some not-so-good experiences) with single girls,  couples and even men...at this stage I should stress that there were never any touching between the men and Jay...he is straight. (See our profile for details) LOL
In our experiences, we have become quite good at identifying as well as playing with single girls, and would like to share a bit of what we've learned with you...  

*NOTE: You will see that many of the principles for getting a girl for a threesome, are very much the same as meeting a girl when you're single.

First, some words of wisdom: 
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results."
No, NOT Albert Einstein...Narcotics Anonymous (1981)  & Rita Mae Brown (1983).

Before you read another word, you need to understand that you will have to change what you are doing...your actions and mindsets alike! If you are not willing to put in the effort, then don't even bother reading the rest of this, as it will only waste your time.
You also need to understand, that the female in the relationship will almost ALWAYS have a better time than the man...accept this, or don't do it.

A. GET YOUR OWN HOUSE IN ORDER FIRST!

There is a saying in team sports: Proper Prior Planning Prevents Pis-poor Performance.
The number one reason why couples new to this lifestyle strike out, is because they never take the time to properly prepare themselves! 
Not having their own relationship in order, is also the number one reason why a lot of them end up breaking up after introducing a third party to their relationship. If you are not on the same page with what you are doing and working as a team toward the same goal, you will NOT succeed. 

Steps: 
1. GROUND RULES
It is vital -even before you think about introducing someone else into your relationship -to set the rules.
i. What should she look like? (Busty? Blonde? Tall? Short? Does it matter? etc. etc. etc.) It should be noted that for first time couples, it is generally recommended that you do not play with a girl whom is more attractive than the woman in your relationship...this will be important later on.
ii. How far will we go?
iii. Who should initiate the playing and who will take the lead?
iv. Must the man direct or cheer them on to start?
v. May he kiss her?
etc. etc. etc. 

You need to decide where the limits are and agree on the Ground Rules. A great starting point for you will be to openly talk to each other on what your fantasies and expectations are. So many couples destroy their relationships by not telling their partner this, mostly out of shame or fear of disapproval.
If you cannot communicate openly about this, then please stop playing immediately because this will destroy you!

2. COMMUNICATE
This does not just entail the obvious communication that revolves around your Ground Rules etc...you need to learn how to communicate with each other covertly.
That means, work out some signs words or other non-obvious communications between the two of you. 

Subtle signals are always a great method to achieve this. 

Here are some common communiques you will need:
i. "Yes"/"No"/"Maybe" (Clear distinction between the 3)
ii. "Play?"
iii. "You like her?"
iv. "Are you OK?"
v. "Dare/Challenge"
vi. "You Kiss her"
vii. "You Undress her"
viii. "Join us"
ix. "I'm Getting tired" (aka "Please take over"...this will be important later on.
x. "I want to stop"/"I want you to stop"

B. FINDING FEMINA
Once you have discussed what you are looking for, and what you want to do -EXACTLY -you can continue to look for a girl. Whilst we have met some awesome girls on sites like these, I should stress that most of the girls we have played with were not from the internet.   

In our experience, chances of meeting a girl for a threesome on the internet is MUCH lower than otherwise...unless you go Pro. Our first girl was a stunningly beautiful neighbor. Our regular Halloween fling is a very pretty long-time friend whom we never even thought would be naughty. Our most recent girl was a girl whom had fallen into complete disarray after following pseudo-science self help systems like NLP. A mutual friend introduced her to Jay, who helped her get out of her chaos, and she ended up being a great friend...after which we helped her to get out of her clothes as well. Hehehe.  Some other girls were university students we met at parties. And the list goes on and on.

The point I am trying to make, is that any single girl you meet, can be a potential playmate...you just have to get out there. Just like looking for a love interest when you're single, living between your work and house will not get you to meet anyone! (Although I should admit that Jay and I met in professional capacity.)  

Get out there!
Pubs 
Clubs
Swingers Parties
Adult Parties/Clubs
Charity Events
Sports Clubs (which is very beneficial on its own...well unless its bowls)
Motorcycle Clubs
...and even Churches. 

The places you would meet a girl if you're single, are the places you will most probably meet them for threesomes as well.

C. SELECTING "THE CHOSEN ONE"
As you get out there or browse on sites like these, you will surely start identifying ladies you are both interested in. 

Before we go any further, you need to understand that you will strike out sometimes.
Before Jay and I became a couple, he dated about 24 different girls within a 3 month period. (Yeah, he was a man-whore. LOL) After we started dating and became open with one another, I learned that despite his wide range of experiences (making me a thankful recipient in bed), he initially struck out 3 times out of 5! He explained that the times he struck out, were what taught him how to be successful with girls. As we started playing with girls together, we also struck out quite a few times. (Fortunately, our first attempt with the neighbor girl was successful though.)  

If you strike out, don't linger on it. Realize where you went wrong, learn from it, and get back in the game.

Now, onto Selecting "The Chosen One"...
Now that you have identified possible playmates, it is of the utmost importance that you Communicate & Agree on how and when you will approach her. 

You need to decide this together -THIS HAS TO BE A TEAM ACTIVITY!
1. How and at what time(s) do we contact her?
2. Who will talk to her? (Him/Her/Both)
3. How will we talk to her?
4. What will we say to her? 
etc. etc. etc.

Rehearse it between the two of you, you are a team. Work out fall-backs and your reactions if she shoots you down.

D. MAKING CONTACT 
1. LEARN HER
No my fellow Afrikaans people, not "Teach Her", "Learn Her".
Just like you would do if you were a single person approaching a single girl, take a genuine interest in her.
What does she like/dislike?
What are her interests?
Hobbies?
Brothers/Sisters/Friends?
If she works, where does she work and what does she do?
If she studies, what are her majors and plans for the future?
Etc. etc. etc.

If you understand who she is as a person and what makes her tick, you will understand how to WOO her.

2. SHOW YOURSELVES!
If you approach a girl via a website like SH, you will need to give information about yourselves!  
i. Complete you profiles!
ii. Upload Photos: Yes, face pics as well (even if only in a Private Album).  

If she does not know what you look like or what you are like, she will not even think twice about you...remember you are competing with almost every one of the 10,000+ profiles on this site for her attention.
When we look for playmates (either for us both or just for Cee), we do not even look at incomplete profiles. (We filter them out in the Search Page.)
Catch her attention with pics, and hold it with a good profile about yourselves.

3. SHOW HER RESPECT!
The worst mistake many couples frequently make, is objectifying a woman instead of treating her with the respect she deserves! She is a person who wants to have a good time...she is not your toy.
If you think you're just gonna register, log in, contact and bang...keep dreaming.
You need to learn more about them...show genuine interest. 

4. DON'T BE THE CREEP!
We have heard this so many times from our female friends:  "This couple seemed so cool, but f@#$ then the guy got creepy!" Don't be creepy! One of the most off-putting things for an adventurous girl is a husband/boyfriend/fiance chasing after her like a desperate love-sick puppy! 

Remember, these girls do not want a jealous wife chasing after them with a meet cleaver, and sure as hell is not interested in becoming your mistress...and FFS, saying things like "Oh my wife is OK with it", does not help!

E. THE MEET
Once you have established a foundation with your new playmate, first discuss as a couple where and when you want to meet her for your date. It should be somewhere in a chilled environment where she can also be relaxed.

1. MAKE THE DATE
Our gorgeous Halloween girl had been a long-time friend, and 4 years ago, we just invited her along to come to a Halloween party with us. 
Jay (extremely good with scary make-up) transformed us into Zombies with gaping Head, Throat and Chest "wounds".  

At first she (being very conservative) was very shy but by just keeping her calm, and keeping her in charge (I.e. "Is it OK if I apply the skin layers here?" "Will you unbutton this button?" etc.) she soon relaxed...and before we knew it she was taking a shower with us after the party... but I'm getting off-point now. LOL 

Invite her somewhere to have a good time with you. This can even be at your own house. Some good music and light drink usually turns out well. We (especially Jay) have said this a million times: If your primary goal is just to have sex with her, you will end up NOT having sex with her.

2. BEHAVE
i. Don't objectify them...they are people too! You need to WOO them! She must be made to feel special by both of you.
ii. Never be pushy, demanding or desperate...or you will end up without her.
iii. Ask her what she likes/dislikes sexually. What turns her on? 
iv. Ask her what her boundaries are. (One of our recent girls told us straight that she is not into girls...half-way through playing though -fortunately after Jay was done -she fell madly in love with me (Cee), and went complete lesbian on us...completely destroying Jay's self-confidence. LMAO!
v. Tell her exactly what your hopes are. (I.e. "We have been talking a lot about having a threesome with a girl. We really like you.")
vi. If she is keen, tell her what to expect. (E.g. Woman: "I would really like to kiss you if that is OK with you." ..."I would like him to undress you, if that's OK with you.")
8. A drink or 2 can make you relax...BUT DON'T OVERDO IT! Too much alcohol almost always spoils it. One time, we had this absolute gorgeous girl and things were heating up fantastically...then just as she got undressed, she got nauseous. After puking her lungs out, she passed out...she has never visited us again. Then there was one time where Jay drank too much, and couldn't get it up! Uhm, I mean he "just did not feel aroused" by the stunning 21-year old model sitting naked on top of him...took the 2 of us 15 minutes of blowjobs to get him back into the game. LOL

F. HOUSTON, WE HAVE A LIFT-OFF
If you have read up to here, you are either extremely bored, skipped ahead, or really want to learn how to get a girl for a threesome...either way, well done! 

The most important principles for when things are happening are:
1. You need to have Condoms! Protect yourselves people!
2. Consent consent consent consent. Never just assume the girl will go along with everything. "I want to see him go into you. Is it OK if he does?"
3. Be generous. Do not expect to lie on your back whilst being "serviced" by two other people. You need to know how to multitask. The last thing you want to do, is to make anyone feel like a 3rd wheel...especially your partner! If you make anyone feel like a 3rd wheel, expect this to be your last play-date with that person. 
Men: Pace yourselves. Many men goes full speed into the other girl, cums and then has nothing left for their partner...we know quite a few couples whom had terrible fallout's because of that. Jay has learned the skill of delaying (holding back until the woman gets orgasms), and also to have 4 orgasms in a row. He usually takes turns between us until he is spent. Whilst he does the one, his hands or mouth is working on the other...which is VERY HOT by the way. When he is spent or needs a break, he lets his fingers and tongue do the talking.
4. Constantly communicate (See "A.2. Communicate" above") covertly with one another. Reassure your partner, and get frequent feedback from them.
5. Enjoy it!

G. AFTERMATH 
1. TAKE STOCK
The aftermath communication is just as important as the pre-communication. 
After everyone is spent, talk! "Are you OK?" "Did you enjoy that?" "Would you like something to drink?"

If it is her first time, she will most likely feel ashamed, embarrassed, insecure, confused, scared she wasn't good, scared the woman in the relationship gets jealous or all of these! 
You need to reassure her that you both enjoyed it a lot and that she was very good, and to make her feel safe and comfortable...you also need to do this for your partner.

2. DEBRIEF
When the girl is no longer there, it is just as important that you and your partner discuss it in full.
i. What did you enjoy most?
ii. What did you enjoy least?
iii. Did you like it when I did this or that?
iv. Would you like to do it again?
v. Would you like to do it again with her specifically?
vi. What would you like me to do differently next time?

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Getting the mystical "Unicorn" of sex can be an extremely frustrating process, especially if you do not know what to do.
If you do get it right -provided you then do it right -it can be one of the most rewarding and amazing experiences in a relationship ever!

However, you need to stick to the principles:
1. Communicate
2. Set Rules
3. Get out there
4. Treat her well
5. Don't be creepy
6. Communicate

There are tons more we can elaborate on, on the subject, but these are the most important principles we have learned over the past 7 years from playing with lots of girls from all over the country. 

We hope it can help you too, to get some! 

Attaching some pics from our first Halloween party with our one friend...