Why isnt it on? A controversial topic.

First off, I respect everyone’s choices. If a profile says, “No Single Men,” I respect that and won’t contact that profile.

That said, after browsing a lot of profiles, I’ve noticed many quite literally tell single guys to fuck off or go to hell. From their point of view, I understand it must be a nightmare to constantly have your inbox filled by single guys when you have specifically asked them not to message you. I get it.

What I don’t understand is this: if you know you aren’t interested in single guys, and you are 100% sure you don’t want them messaging you, why not turn on the setting that blocks single male profiles from contacting you?

Yes, guys should read profiles and respect “NO SINGLE MALES.” But we live in a world where people still need signs reminding them to flush the toilet.

So, we already know people aren’t always great at reading signs or paying attention to them. That is exactly why I assume the option exists to block single male profiles from messaging you.

A side benefit is that the opening paragraph of your profile doesn’t have to come across as negative or hostile. Instead of starting with frustration, you can start with what you are actually looking for.

So, genuine question: why isn't it on?

I feel you. I've had this conversation so many times. People say they're here to explore, but they haven't even explored the site to see that option under their privacy settings. Sometimes I think they leave it like that on purpose, so that they can bitch about it. To some people, attention is attention, no matter how volatile. Somehow responsibility has fallen to "the other person" to behave.

If you want to take control, follow this link -

https://www.swingingheaven.za.com/settings/privacy

Quote by CheekyMod

I feel you. I've had this conversation so many times. People say they're here to explore, but they haven't even explored the site to see that option under their privacy settings. Sometimes I think they leave it like that on purpose, so that they can bitch about it. To some people, attention is attention, no matter how volatile. Somehow responsibility has fallen to "the other person" to behave.

If you want to take control, follow this link -

https://www.swingingheaven.za.com/settings/privacy

While I get what you saying, I cant agree with your take that its wrong to have expectations of other people/person to behave. To me, that is as bad as the bad behaviour, as at best, are choosing to turn a blind eye to real problems in the community, at worst, you support the bad behaviour by toxic element.

Since returning, our experience has been horrible and it is specifically because of this exact toxicity of turning a bling eye to poor behaviour by sooo many in the lifestyle. So much for any care wrt safety, rules, ettiquete etc. There is a flood of nonsense for the very reason that everyone happily turns a blind eye, the hypocrisy is mindboggling.

Sure, certainly, turn the setting on, but then, you just get harrassed in other ways, comments on pics, comments on wall and tons more. That its always the same rubbish when trying to report issues 'Just block them, thats what its for' just shows how little those in charge care about user safety and happy to have all the toxicity, all about money, screw the community.

Ignoring profiles cause of 'system' options to block etc you literally empowering the toxic element to runamok, and offer newcomers zero protection.

What would be unacceptable behaviour irl cannot be treated as non-problematic here. There should be no double standard, no hypocritical nonsense. If its harrassment out there, type of behaviour would get you into trouble, harrassment etc, it should do so here. That you can block etc as person/couple on recieving end of the poor behaviour should in no way mitigate a need for action to be taken for the bad behaviour, end of story.

Quote by WhtCplDbn

While I get what you saying, I cant agree with your take that its wrong to have expectations of other people/person to behave. To me, that is as bad as the bad behaviour, as at best, are choosing to turn a blind eye to real problems in the community, at worst, you support the bad behaviour by toxic element.

Since returning, our experience has been horrible and it is specifically because of this exact toxicity of turning a bling eye to poor behaviour by sooo many in the lifestyle. So much for any care wrt safety, rules, ettiquete etc. There is a flood of nonsense for the very reason that everyone happily turns a blind eye, the hypocrisy is mindboggling.

Sure, certainly, turn the setting on, but then, you just get harrassed in other ways, comments on pics, comments on wall and tons more. That its always the same rubbish when trying to report issues 'Just block them, thats what its for' just shows how little those in charge care about user safety and happy to have all the toxicity, all about money, screw the community.

Ignoring profiles cause of 'system' options to block etc you literally empowering the toxic element to runamok, and offer newcomers zero protection.

What would be unacceptable behaviour irl cannot be treated as non-problematic here. There should be no double standard, no hypocritical nonsense. If its harrassment out there, type of behaviour would get you into trouble, harrassment etc, it should do so here. That you can block etc as person/couple on recieving end of the poor behaviour should in no way mitigate a need for action to be taken for the bad behaviour, end of story.

I get that you guys are angry at the chancers, I also have days where I burn people to the ground for not reading. But the fact remains that people just don't read. Not here and not in real life. We cannot start sending out messages to every account, because the people who clearly don't read, wouldn't read it anyway. It would be an exercise in futility.

The point I'm trying to make, is that if you have tools to minimize the interaction you receive from certain account types, use it. That's what I meant by not expecting the other person to behave the way you want them to. It is sad that so much has changed and that respect and consent has almost completely disappeared, but don't let it get to you. Take back your power and simply don't allow their energy into your space. It's like using a service that automatically blocks spam calls 😀

If people still find ways to harass you, please report them, otherwise we can't address their behaviour.

Ok ... so here is my take .... having now a returned profile after being here before for 15 years (even as a mod before)

So .. there are options that you have on the settings button, like

• 
  Block single guys from contacting you

• Block people that are NOT your friends from commenting on your photos

Those are only two ways of limiting contact from single guys - there are more

However, and I know this from personal experiences - many couples write that they do not want contact from single guys as to limit the interaction, yet, they still may have the urge to meet up with single guys. This is merely a method to "protect" themselves and to limit the interaction

My suggestion is as follows - if a couple profile looks at your profile even though they state that they are not interested in single guys, they are actually saying that they maybe want to meet up. Take this as a lead to maybe contact them

On the other, couples also look at single guys' profiles because they are curious even though they have no intention to meet up. This can go in one of two directions - they either block you or when you then make contact they come back with a comment - can't you read?

As single guys we need to understand that we are at the bottom of the pecking order and whatever comes our way is a bonus !

Bottom line ... enjoy the ride !

As single guys (or couples, or or or) we need to understand that one profile viewing our profile (regardless of what their profile says) is not an invitation for us to make contact. Surely if a profile views another profile and wants contact, they would make said contact.

Quote by SDM

As single guys (or couples, or or or) we need to understand that one profile viewing our profile (regardless of what their profile says) is not an invitation for us to make contact. Surely if a profile views another profile and wants contact, they would make said contact.

I totally agree with you. Looking does NOT equal wanting.

Quote by SantaKlaus

Ok ... so here is my take .... having now a returned profile after being here before for 15 years (even as a mod before)

So .. there are options that you have on the settings button, like

• 
  Block single guys from contacting you

• Block people that are NOT your friends from commenting on your photos

Those are only two ways of limiting contact from single guys - there are more

However, and I know this from personal experiences - many couples write that they do not want contact from single guys as to limit the interaction, yet, they still may have the urge to meet up with single guys. This is merely a method to "protect" themselves and to limit the interaction

My suggestion is as follows - if a couple profile looks at your profile even though they state that they are not interested in single guys, they are actually saying that they maybe want to meet up. Take this as a lead to maybe contact them

On the other, couples also look at single guys' profiles because they are curious even though they have no intention to meet up. This can go in one of two directions - they either block you or when you then make contact they come back with a comment - can't you read?

As single guys we need to understand that we are at the bottom of the pecking order and whatever comes our way is a bonus !

Bottom line ... enjoy the ride !

I do not agree with you. If a couple is looking at a single male profile and have stated that they are not looking for single males, then respect and consent dictates that you have to wait for them to make contact. Otherwise it is seen as harassment.

People are allowed to look at your profile without there being any expectations. Maybe you had an interesting pic or an interesting About description that they wanted to view. Again, without you jumping to conclusions.

When they Like you profile and/or comment and/or send a Friend Request and/or message you, then you can take it a sign that they are opening the door for contact. Until then, the answer is going to be: Don't.

Quote by CheekyMod
maybe contact them

Good morning

I agree with what you are sayng ... hence me saying "maybe contact them"

The onus is still on the couple to make contact first - until then.. wait and see!