Join the most popular community of South African swingers now
Login

the newbie and single male stigma....

last reply
5 replies
1.1k views
0 watchers
0 likes
Maybe someone can explain to me how it is that in a community that preaches a message of understanding, openness and general acceptance, the stigma of A: being a newbie, & B: LORD FORBID U ARE A SINGLE MALE WHO IS CAUTIOUS, most are treated like Pariah's and made to feel exactly like they are trying to join an exclusive club, who's members deign to judge you for the very principles they preach? Maybe i'm delusional, but .... as a newbie single male i'm sure i speak for others who are literally intimidated out of practicing something that they would like,,, why else would we have joined, surely not to be met by the same exclusion that greeted them in the " normal " world... Just a few thoughts...
Quote by BBWLOVER
Maybe someone can explain to me how it is that in a community that preaches a message of understanding, openness and general acceptance, the stigma of A: being a newbie, & B: LORD FORBID U ARE A SINGLE MALE WHO IS CAUTIOUS, most are treated like Pariah's and made to feel exactly like they are trying to join an exclusive club, who's members deign to judge you for the very principles they preach?
Maybe i'm delusional, but .... as a newbie single male i'm sure i speak for others who are literally intimidated out of practicing something that they would like,,, why else would we have joined, surely not to be met by the same exclusion that greeted them in the " normal " world...
Just a few thoughts...

The openness does not mean that you have no requirements. Some people don't play with newbies because newbies often get cold feet, often don't turn up to meet you etc. Single guys are notorious for for not pitching and not keeping appointments, many are not actually single, many have an attitude that they are doing you a favor.
prefer to play with a couple.
Some couples just don't play with singles because they just have the preference for whatever reason to play with other couples.
Don't confuse the principle of openness and understanding with women fall on their backs with thighs spread for anything with a dick..........
Just do your searches properly and you will see that there are a lot of couples that do play with single men.
That same community that preaches understanding, deserves exactly that from all other members, new or existing. If they say, NO SINGLE MALES, then that's what they want, respect it. Contacting people who have made it clear they are looking for something other than what you are offering is looking for failure, forget about trying to change their views, rather consider changing your own.
Quote by SDMR
That same community that preaches understanding, deserves exactly that from all other members, new or existing. If they say, NO SINGLE MALES, then that's what they want, respect it.
Contacting people who have made it clear they are looking for something other than what you are offering is looking for failure, forget about trying to change their views, rather consider changing your own.

Couldn't have said it better
Ok, I going to assume I don't know what you mean, and ask you to clarify exactly what it is that is frustrating you. .. you are not very clear about what it us that has got you upset.
Let's be honest, it could be any number of things.
The first mistake could be assuming that YOU are NOT the problem. You are after all, a newbie. This is our sandbox and the onus is on you to learn our rules really.
Are you reacting to people's profile write ups that say "no single males" or did someone say that they wouldn't meet you because you are too new? Or are you not getting any responses to your mails?
You could be making one of the usual mistakes, as others have suggested; like assuming everyone here is looking for the same thing, or that swinging is just about sex. You could be approaching people badly or not taking the effort to read the profiles or note what gender the "driver" of the profile is. You could be looking for a single woman (Good Luck!) on this site or otherwise behaving as though this is a hookup site like "Randy rabbits" - which is basically one of the unforgivable sins.
You could be getting aggressive or whiny when you're turned down, another of those songs, or assuming or giving the impression that you think you know what a person wants better than they do - not sexy, just arrogant.
You should be asking for help. We're more than happy to help! Rather than getting angry because getting angry won't solve your problem, but good advice might just do the trick.
BBWLOVER, I'm going to assume I DO understand what you mean. When we started, our profile also said that we where 'New' and mentioned soft swing principles like Rules and Limits. We were definitely treated like Pariah's by many older members. Some would tell us straight out that they don't have time to spend on anyone that is not ready to go flat out. My wife and I couldn't possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on Human Engagement. We always asked politely for help and info but little was forth coming. If anything, we were told to look in the 'Help' section, 'Guide to Swinging' section or in the Forum. The Help section is very good for technical info. The 'Guide to Swinging' section redirects you to the UK site that does not even refer to 'Bi Curious' let alone 'Bi Friendly' as some use here. The Forum is vast and unless you start a new thread like you did, it is a huge task to find info relevant to your question. What I can say about your profile is that it lacks info, such as your age. Also you should have some creative Pics (Hopefully more than just you're Cock) The bad news for you is that as the Minister said: There is an oversupply of single males on this site ( As with other sites), so you have to do something to stand out from the crowd. You have to promote yourself properly, be open minded, use Google and put in lots of effort. Hope you get things going and that you remember how it was for you, when you get to deal with new members.