As usual, I am in the dog box. I was attempting to bring a point across on how certain groups are labelled on this site with regards to single or couple and such. I used the the words "gay tendencies" to describe a male or female that is comfortable with sexual interaction with partners/s of their same gender. This did not go down well with some people.
Seems to be more of a sensitive matter than I would have anticipated.
I have a question as I have no such "inklings" (I hope that word is ok to use). I have zero attraction, curiosity, or anything as such for another man. Boobs, bums, hips... That's my thing. So I guess I will never understand a males attraction toward another male. Having said that, I have no problem with peoples choices and what they chose to do is their own.
My questions then... Is it gay to be bi or not? Is it a sexual thing only or another form of attraction. Are you only gay if you have romantic feelings for another male? When does a "straight" guy decide to play with another mans penis? How many different levels of bi are there? Would a straight guy meet another guy without his wife and consider himself to not have "gay tendencies"? In short, where is the line drawn and one is not gay when voluntarily engaging in sexual acts with a partner of the same gender?
Please put it all in context for me so as to satisfy my own curiosity... And to avoid accidentally offending people in future discussions.
Do we HAVE to put labels on it? Can't people just be free to do what they want without judgement or boxes?
To try and actually contribute something to the question - which of course I can only do from a female perspective...
I don't consider myself bi - or gay for that matter - but I don't have any problem, touching playing with or tasting another woman... The REASON I don't think I qualify as even "bi" is that I'm not actively sexually attracted to other women. But dude my bits don't really care about the gender of whatever is triggering my physiological buttons... My G-spot (and others) works exactly the same regardless of the who is pushing on them.
Saying that WHO you have sex with makes you "X" (gay/bi/straight/whatever) is like saying if you put your dick into a glory hole and someone of the male gender happens to suck you off, you are actually gay (even if you don't know you are in this context)
WHAT you are is your CHOICE and it really has to do with WHO you are SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO, not who you have touched/felt/kissed/licked/sucked/shagged.
I don't like peas, but eating them doesn't make me a vegetarian...
Quote by LeeEC Do we HAVE to put labels on it? Can't people just be free to do what they want without judgement or boxes? To try and actually contribute something to the question - which of course I can only do from a female perspective... I don't consider myself bi - or gay for that matter - but I don't have any problem, touching playing with or tasting another woman... The REASON I don't think I qualify as even "bi" is that I'm not actively sexually attracted to other women. But dude my bits don't really care about the gender of whatever is triggering my physiological buttons... My G-spot (and others) works exactly the same regardless of the who is pushing on them. Saying that WHO you have sex with makes you "X" (gay/bi/straight/whatever) is like saying if you put your dick into a glory hole and someone of the male gender happens to suck you off, you are actually gay (even if you don't know you are in this context) WHAT you are is your CHOICE and it really has to do with WHO you are SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO, not who you have touched/felt/kissed/licked/sucked/shagged. I don't like peas, but eating them doesn't make me a vegetarian...
It sheds a bit more light but I still don't see how someone who is bisexual can be offended for being "labelled". I don't think a bisexual person can be called "semi-gay". I guess there just isn't a summarised description (3 words or less) to describe a bisexual person. Maybe I should admit defeat here and next time just use a long explanatory sentence? It really sounded like the correct choice of words without saying a bisexual person IS gay. But is not safe to say that people engaging in sexual "fun" with people of the same gender are infact committing "gay acts"? Or would that be offensive? After all, a man giving another man a blow job is performing a homosexual act. "Gay" is the slang word for "homosexual", not so?
Labelling people is always a tough sell. There are so many grey areas and exceptions that it's hard to get it right all the time. In my perspective...(and I agree with LeeEC here) it's about who you are SEXUALLY attracted to. I know that I'm about to follow up with might seem contradictory but it makes sense to me. I am not sexually attracted to men, I don't see an actor on TV or a guy walking down the street and think "Hey, he's hot and turns me on, I wanna shag him". So in that respect, I do not in any way consider myself gay/homosexual (I am not exclusively attracted to men). But I have no problem in engaging in sexual acts with other men - to me that's all about pleasure (and different ways of experiencing and enjoying that pleasure) and not about showing/having gay tendencies.
Quote by Stamina After all, a man giving another man a blow job is performing a homosexual act.
While your statement is empirically true...a man giving another man a blow job, is just a SEXUAL act of a man giving another man a blow job. Being bisexual (to me) is more about getting/giving/appreciating pleasure from both men and woman.
Quote by Stamina It sheds a bit more light but I still don't see how someone who is bisexual can be offended for being "labelled". I don't think a bisexual person can be called "semi-gay". I guess there just isn't a summarised description (3 words or less) to describe a bisexual person. Maybe I should admit defeat here and next time just use a long explanatory sentence? It really sounded like the correct choice of words without saying a bisexual person IS gay. But is not safe to say that people engaging in sexual "fun" with people of the same gender are infact committing "gay acts"? Or would that be offensive? After all, a man giving another man a blow job is performing a homosexual act. "Gay" is the slang word for "homosexual", not so?
People are offended for the dumbest of reasons these days, and anyone who is / was offended by the above was probably offended for a different reason / reasons than the next person. Another man giving giving another man a blowjob may be looked at as being a homosexual act, but a woman licking another woman is seen as sexy . . . . . . . So is the problem the labeling or the people doing the labeling . . . . . .
Not to be funny but we know a few people (both male and female) that are hetro but in the right environment don't have issues with playing with or touching people of the same sex and sometimes would even initiate it.
Look... Here's my issue with you saying someone who is bi has gay tendencies.
I have no problem whether you are black, white, Indian, straight, bi, or in fact, gay... However, you need to understand that there will always be differing levels to which we are attracted and how and who we play with.
Now my understanding of the word gay (homosexual) is someone who actively engages in sexual acts with a same sex partner, is attracted to those of the same sex, or who actively seeks a relationship with a same sex partner..
Now just because I don't mind doing certain things with guys as to me a bj/hj is just as much the same thing whether it is from a man or a woman, but does that mean I actively look to engage, am attracted to, or seek a relationship with a guy? Never...
I just like you am as straight as they come, except I am open to trying things in a comfortable situation, call me deluded again, it doesn't bother me as I know who I am, what I want and what I enjoy as well as how I enjoy it, and thus I am not afraid to admit to partaking in bisexual acts and putting it out there as something I can enjoy as I am comfortable within my own sexuality...
You always complain how people generalize us single men and I agree with you, it's BS that we all get blanketed with the same generalization due to stereotypes as well as negative experiences... I am as nice as can be, I'm intelligent, I know how to have fun, I never approach those who don't want to be approached and yet I get treated the same way you do and that's exactly why I won't go generalizing about others or labeling others based on your expectations and assumptions
So basically, someone can engage in bisexual activities and not necessarily be bisexual. To use use words like gay or homosexual tendencies or inklings would not be accurate to describe someone who has had or will have the occasional encounter with a same sex partner.
Everyone has the same (or similar) opinion on the subject. I will admit on this one that I was wrong to use those two words. However... It was not intended to offend. I was under the impression that I chose a good description. I really just meant that bisexual people engage in sexual acts with members of the same gender. I always believed that these are known as "gay acts", simply because I had no other idea on how to describe it.
My apologies to all. Btw, the girl I am seeing is bi-curious.
I used to love watching "Who wants to be a millionaire". Very often, I would see the contestant use the "ask the audience" life line, and very often the audience (100➕) people would be wrong. So majority does not always rule. Our country is a perfect example too... The government keeps power with majority votes yet look where we are. So I prefer facts to opinion... Was time for some research.
Since this subject is very opinionated, I thought there has to be some facts to go on... So I researched it. Google "Kinsey Scale". A system used to rate the sexual behavior of humans on a scale of 1 to 6. This would shed some light on the subject. Also look up homosexuality on wiki. Very interesting reads and helps to "categorise" people who are fully gay right through different levels of bisexuality.
PS... Turns out that engaging in sexual acts with members of the same sex (only once even) is intact a gay act. And that is not offensive, it is the correct and most accurate description of the interaction taking place.
Please read all this.. It is very interesting..
AS with all things very little is REALLY "fact", even the largest portion of what we call "scientific research" is incomplete at best. Personally I think what the actual bi-sexual person thinks about bisexuality is FAR more important and FAR more valid and relevant than any PhD holder's theory or wiki article. Also I think PEOPLE are more important than ideas, and not injuring or offending others (and purposefully and proactively respecting others) is MORE important than definitions and categories.
All the real problems, human atrocities and man-made disasters of this world have been caused by categorizing and defining the differences of people and imposing judgement on them based on those categories. So I prefer not to impose on others a label or box of any sort.
Maybe because it's essentially my job to help people out of these same boxes and freeing them from other's judgements, or perhaps it's because I know what it's like to be judged by someone else's yard-stick, so I automatically reject the premise.
So I still stick with my original definition and opinion. You can be whoever you want to be as long as you're happy - and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone or give a reason for your choices. Be free be completely unique - be straight if you like and still like dick occasionally, I don't care as long as you, my friend, are happy, I'm happy.
Quote by LeeEC AS with all things very little is REALLY "fact", even the largest portion of what we call "scientific research" is incomplete at best. Personally I think what the actual bi-sexual person thinks about bisexuality is FAR more important and FAR more valid and relevant than any PhD holder's theory or wiki article. Also I think PEOPLE are more important than ideas, and not injuring or offending others (and purposefully and proactively respecting others) is MORE important than definitions and categories. All the real problems, human atrocities and man-made disasters of this world have been caused by categorizing and defining the differences of people and imposing judgement on them based on those categories. So I prefer not to impose on others a label or box of any sort. Maybe because it's essentially my job to help people out of these same boxes and freeing them from other's judgements, or perhaps it's because I know what it's like to be judged by someone else's yard-stick, so I automatically reject the premise. So I still stick with my original definition and opinion. You can be whoever you want to be as long as you're happy - and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone or give a reason for your choices. Be free be completely unique - be straight if you like and still like dick occasionally, I don't care as long as you, my friend, are happy, I'm happy.
Totally agree with you. Goldfish climbing trees anyone?
Totally agree with you. Goldfish climbing trees anyone? Now I have lost the point : What has goldfish climbing tree got to do with the subject at hand. Pls explain Joyrider I got lost in this quote :sad:
There is a comparison with all children being taught the same, its like putting a goldfish in a class of monkeys and calling the goldfish dumb/stupid/imbecile because it cant climb a tree. Scientific research tells us that all kids must be put in the same class and taught the same things at the same time of mental and physical development, with absolutely no room for any variation. Which makes science an ass ( I did well at science at school btw. and at times love it), so to use science to put people in a set place or box on a scale (which Kinsey tried, with the best of intentions, to do btw.) is a rather futile ecsersize. Science can only give us answers when we have a complete fixed set of inputs that are not variable, each time there is a variable it changes the answer. Science is an imperfect science, the only side of it that is relatively perfect is physics and that is due to the nature of its applications.
So on a scale from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual I don't believe (maybe incorrectly)that anyone is totally and utterly at the one extreme for our entire lives.
And for the spell checkers there, I cannot spell and my spell checker refuses to give me excersize with my spelling and the only option is 'oversize' which is not the word I'm looking for.
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Lee expressed my feelings exactly
I label myself bi because it is not a problem for me to touch a man but I do have a sperm fetish, especially if it has been deposited in my wife, and have met and played with a lot of men in search of cocks for my wife and for this reason also I don,t really mix with gays as there is no future in it
There's a saying: if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, he will live his life as a failure.
It's a comment on intelligence: not everyone is intelligent in the same way
Ps. It's exercise
Stamina, I'll have to join you in front of the wall on this one.
Seems like we're all like moths around the same flame and us two are going to get burnt first.
If you wish to live a quiet life in the corner, you can label yourself (or not) as you wish but if you intend being active on this site, you should please label yourself by a reasonable standard, so others don't have to.
Let's face it, how are others to decide if you're a match if you cannot send clear signals.
But here we are debating the meaning of things like 'Bi' and 'Curious' How can things like Grammar and Spelling be of consequence if everyone is to attach their own value to a word like Curious? No description of the word Curious refers to: 'When I'm occasionally in the mood' Once you have tried it you should no longer be curious as you should know if you are likely to do it again.
Also the term 'Bi-friendly' was suggested before but refers to that as a non sexual term that implies that you are bipolar. How many confusing terms do we need to make up?
18 months ago, someone described what we were doing then as 'Soft swinging' and I got upset because I didn't think of us as having anything to do with swinging. Last night our Playmates also said they didn't like classifying themselves as Swingers and we looked for a word more pleasing to them. After some time on Google we all decided that we are definitely swingers. You are what you are.
My wife had a brief girl, girl fling many years ago with this extremely sexy, 100% homosexual chick. She got upset if you referred to her as lesbian or homosexual but labelled herself as Gay. How are we all to keep up if we cannot accept reasonable terms?
If stimulation from all was the same: male, female, big and small, why do we do this?
If it was all just about pleasing a certain spot would we even need any partners? We could just have a machine to do that, as I've seen some very effective toys and machines.
No! It is about having some variety and a personal touch. How much variety depends on what you're comfortable with.
If it is all the same to you, then surely that is, per definition, Bi
Extremely few people are 100% straight or Gay. Even most of those that 'doth protest too much, methinks'
I do support the Kinsey Scale but I think there are more than 50 shades of gay on this one. But if you choose to perform only straight from now on, regardless of your past you can classify yourself as straight. But if you know somewhere in the future, you'll have blurred lines about which gender you'll be playing with at a given moment, you'll definitely be sliding up and down the scale. That is not being curious.
Picture this:
A couple decide to have a guy over to come and help to please the lady. Lots of fun is had in the lounge and somehow for the moment things evolve between the guys. As the lady gets up to get some lube, a SWAT team bursts though the doors and windows due to a tip off about suspicions behaviour from the neighbours. Disappointed as the Team leader may be for not finding drugs, what description is he going to put in his report about the two guys in a precarious position alone on the couch?
Or does: 'It's not what it looks like' apply?
So if we remove all the tick boxes from our profiles what will our profiles say: 'We're a ??? couple looking for ??? and we do ???
How far is that going to get us all?
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