07 May 2017
Why am I on here???
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11 minute read
Yes, I know I am window shopping in the wrong mall!!! Most of the men on here are either too young; too old; or already spoken for - with someone or married - but, of more importance: I DO NOT SWING!!!
So, WTF am I still doing here then???
In a nutshell...................
Almost five years ago, after 12 years together (married for seven) my second husband and I separated; I asked him to leave. No! I am not a Bitch! It was for my own sanity and well-being; a person cannot judge the actions of another, until you have walked some distance in their shoes! As he moved provinces in order to find sustainable work, I was left alone with a daughter in high school (my son was already overseas with his Dad; my first husband.) For a woman of 47, who had only ever been with just two men for 30 years - I married both - I saw this as a possible opportunity to find out what Sex was really all about.
Growing up like I did - a "good girl" - the fact that I slept with my 5th boyfriend, whom I starting dating in Std 9, while in Matric, is irrelevant - I married him seven years later. Granted, we had sex at every opportunity: at my home in the lounge, where I lost my virginity, while my mom was asleep in her room; on Llundudno and Hout Bay Beach; Rondebosch Common in his car (it was safe in those days!) and, even at his flat, when his mom was out and once, only to end up in the bedroom cupboard, as she came home unexpectedly. We were horny teenagers, despite him being four years older than me. I dropped out of medicine to become a high school teacher, because he did not want me at varsity for sooooo long ( I think rather, with so many other men.) Being on a full education bursary, I was able to give my Grandfather his money back and over the next four years, we were able to save; we plot 'n planned our first house - the year before we got married.
The sex went from hormonal to procreational and we had two beautiful kids. We worked hard and lived a very good life; eventually, we had our own business and we built a designer home in Durbanville. We were the "model" family and sadly, I had the best sex when we were on an expensive holiday or when I was drunk. We occasionally watched porn together and I once asked him if he was going to take much longer, during sex. I was the dutiful wife, mother of his children, business partner, PA, travel agent and I never said, No. However, I did not walk naked in front of him or entice him in any way, as I was his stress ball (or at least that was how I felt.) There was NO foreplay....... I just always felt like I got nailed and so, the sooner he could cum, the "nicer" it was for me.
I will never forget one occasion: We went out for dinner and during the course of the meal, as he was eating his fillet steak, I leaned across the table and coyly told him that under the new dress I was wearing, I had no underwear on. He continued eating his food! All I had wanted was for him to ask for the bill and take me home.............. During desert, which tasted like cardboard, I warned him that One Day, another man was going to end with his family. He told me I was being melodramatic and asked whether we could go home now - he needed to get to bed, so that he could get up early for golf the next day. (I still have that dress.........)
While out on a business call one day (about three years after the "dress" incident) I was introduced to a man, who happened to be selling new to a client, what I was buying as old. Two weeks later, I received a call on my cell: Hi, this is (and he gave me his name.) I asked him who he was, as I had no recall whatsoever..........I was too wrapped up in my materialistic ideal world; a happy mom and trophy wife. Well, suffice to say that that phone call was repeated about two weeks later again; it became a weekly, daily, hourly and constant series of phone calls. This man could remember something I had said weeks previously (which would later become an issue.....LOL!) My husband did not seem to recall anything I said. Needless to say, nine months and 11 days later, after having spent only three glorious days with him, while he was on holiday at the coast (he lived inland,) I took my kids, pets and I relocated.........I left my husband, after 18 years together, for another man!
To say that everyone, including my husband was shocked (except my best friend) is an understatement. Honestly, I soon realized that I had made the second biggest mistake of my life (the first was dropping out of medicine) but I was too proud to admit it and so, I made the second relationship work.......for 12 years. During that time, we got married, while on an annual holiday (he planned it all and I felt I could not refuse.) I moved between provinces 4 time (another 3 within the same provinces) that he could follow his dreams; uprooting my kids from school and us all having to leave friends behind and make new ones each time. We did have some really good times, but with each subsequent financial failure, his self-esteem and libido declined; and, he was the one needing Panado! I was in the middle, trying to keep everybody happy, It was my guilt at "giving up" on my first marriage, which fueled my persistence to not let the same happen again to the second. Sex became an issue - like the lack of money - and my self worth, as a woman, depreciated accordingly. Working three jobs at one stage to keep things going, negated any kind of sexual inclination, but like a woman trying to fall pregnant, everybody else seems to carrying a bump, holding a baby or pushing a pram!!! I wondered why some of the men out with their wives, even in P'nP or at a local restaurant, looked to fucking happy, while they were together. The only time I was happy with my husband was when we were together on the bike, but those times were far and few between, due to various other issues.
The straw that broke the camel's back was being told that the house was dirty, after getting home late one afternoon from finishing my second job for the day and before having to start the third one the next night. He was at home all day, supposedly looking for work.........We separated shortly after that! I felt like I had been given a new lease on life - a breath of fresh air - despite it being difficult, suddenly becoming a single mom. I consciously decided that I wanted to do at 47, what I should have done at 20, instead of tying myself down too young. I joined a dating site! I did not want to shit on my own doorstep and so, the men I chatted to were all at least far enough away, that the chances of bumping into them and their wives, was negligible.........I wanted to be The Other Woman! NO single men! I did not want a boyfriend or godforbid, another husband!
With the dating site, I embarked on "a mission" to be The Mistress/Love Interest to a few infrequent regulars (as my daughter termed my visitors.) They flew/drove to cum and see me, while they were "on business" and I discovered the power of great sex! The first time was a revelation - a whole weekend with a man with whom I had the most amazing experience, despite my inexperience. If that makes any sense? It also broke my heart, when he explained in the endless emails thereafter, that he could never leave his wife for me. What followed after the tears had dried, was a series of illicit relationships, but more significantly, the discovery of my inherent sexuality and passion for writing about Sex. I became a blogger on a sex site and between my own sexual escapades, I also avidly researched (and educated myself,) to write articles, testimonials and stories (some of the first ones are published on here.) There are more than 500 to date........
Over a period of two years, I was a FWB with NSA to a few carefully selected like-minded men and it was a wonderful time, however, Verliefspyker became an issue for me. Sorry, I have no English word for the term - when the sex is so fucking mind blowing that "falling in love" becomes inevitable. After my "first" time, there was another near miss with a recreational drug user for whom I fell (LOL!) but, he consciously walked away. We are still good friends today! And then.......I became The Other Woman to a Man, who was initially intended to also be just an infrequent regular. I slowly gave up all the others and willingly became exclusively His. It was the best and worst time of my life!!! I fell in love with My Soul Mate, but as Murphy would have it, He already belonged to somebody else.
Now, living in JHB after being headhunted for a promotion post and having finally plucked up the courage to walk away from a 18 month affair that served no purpose other than His - he wanted his bread buttered on both sides - I have healed emotionally and I am ready to try .................... Again! This time, however, with a SINGLE man; a man who also wants a loving relationship too, with a woman who has a desire for great sex, laughter and the sharing of mutual interests (motor bikes are not a deal breaker!) NO RING REQUIRED! I am still legally married - it is complicated - but, because I am single in my heart, the paperwork should not matter and, although I am not saying Never, marriage is not a viable option in my foreseeable future. Besides, a man/woman works harder to keep a girl/boyfriend rather than a wife/husband happy and as such, partners in a committed relationship tend to not take each other for granted, because either can up and leave at any time!
A man of 57 taught me about the pleasures of having "breakfast" - oral sex. Between two husband, I could count of one hand how many times they had been down south, as I was the one too inhibited, because of supposed sights, sounds and smells. Now, it still takes a measure of trust to let a man's mouth between my legs.
Giving a BJ has becum a gift; a reward for a good man (LOL!) rather than a chore or duty or a means of merely satisfying a carnal need.
Sex can be SO many things - fucking or making love; and, for a multitude of different reasons - good, sad/comforting, silly, fun, adventurous with Red Wine Nights; maintenance and even make-up, to mention just a few of the emotions involved.........great sex IS emotion in motion!
Sex is the cherry on top of a decadently iced cup cake of a sustainable loving relationship and it is the glue, which holds it together, through no matter what has to be endured.
One Day, I hope to meet somebody special - Yes, maybe even on here! Trawling dating sites and ploughing through endless profiles does somewhat eliminate the romance, but realistically, he is not going to fall out of the sky or simply walk up to me in the shops and invite me for coffee.......However, it does feel like I am looking for a fucking needle in a haystack!!!
Being the proverbial romantic optimist, Swinging would break my heart, but different strokes for different folks and I an NOT throwing stones......it is just not my cup of tea. Neither is masturbation or toys, as there are still inhibitions that I have not been able to break from the shackles of my conservative upbringing. With the right man, who knows! I am very well aware that in the heat of moment, there are very possibly far fewer limits (even anal sex?) and........ I still want to fall off the bed, in a tangle of arms, legs and crisp white linen during great sex!!!
Communication, Compromise, Consideration and Chemistry/Sex are the 4 C's - the cornerstones - on which to build a successful relationship and now, with knowing what I do..................I want to build the castle and live the whole fucking fairy tale!!!