09 May 2018

It takes courage to....... Love. A lot of it. Why? Nothing makes me feel more vulnerable, raw, exposed, filled with emotion and often feeling out of control than Love. So, WTF! Why do I put myself through all of that? Because, NOTHING feels more exciting, powerful, intoxicating, exhilarating, uplifting, and joyous to my heart, mind, body and spirit than Love.

Yes, I want acceptance. I want to be seen and heard - I am a woman after all. LOL Love gives me those things and more; so much more. But, I will not get to experience the gifts of love, without the courage to love. Love gives me the feeling I can do anything in this world. It helps me realize I am not alone. It helps me thrive in difficult situations and it makes life worth living. It is why I am living. I want to give and receive Love and I want to be able to experience the joy that accompanies it.

Therefore, why do many people pull away from Love? In a word: FEAR. They give up all the good stuff – including incredible fucking amazing Sex - because they experienced Love not working out. A powerful relationship ends, because a partner dies; or, a loved one cannot manage to find the courage to stay in a loving relationship and work through difficulties; or, the wrong person is picked the first, second or third time around - like, I did. I chose a married man once and now, again.........But, so fucking what! At least I am prepared to try – again - and that is what counts. I tried and will continue trying! I am still courageous! (And, some might say - Fucking Foolish!)

However, many people are not courageous. They do not allow Love to come into their lives in the form it can - they impose ideals, expectations, obligations, agendas on love and on the relationship. Those things squelch Love - quickly. And, that leaves a non-loving relationship that will (eventually) end. It has to, as there is NO Love left in it to keep it going.

Now, my mind convinces me NOT to go through all that pain again. I can hear it saying something like: It'll never work out, I'm no good at Love, I'm not worthy of Love. I know all the nonsense my mind can bring up and that is all it is - Nonsense. It is a cop out! Just plain horseshit! The problem with this attitude is that IF I choose to think like this, I will not get Love and all the joy, power, excitement, fun and peace that cums with it. I will lose!

I must choose NOT to lose. I must NOT listen to my mind. I must NOT choose to wallow in the past. It will make my life miserable. My heart always heals, although each time it just takes a little longer. It wants to give Love - more than anything else. My spirit is all Love and joy.

Love takes courage and courage is from the heart. A brave heart! I am not talking about "the guts to do something." I am talking about the true power of a courageous heart. It feels good when I think of being courageous! About everything! For me, there is an exhilaration that comes with it. Thinking and being courageous brings me the awareness of my connection to my faith in Love – hopefully, True Love.

How does it take courage to Love?

It takes courage to withstand and work through the difficulties in a relationship.

It takes courage to be responsible for my feelings.

It takes courage to not blame someone else for my feelings, but to instead take ownership of my reactions.

It took immense courage to leave a relationship that was not serving me. It took courage for me to realize that and doing something about it - I left Him.

It has taken even more courage to get back into the world; to begin dating and be willing to Love again .........albeit another married man who IS getting divorced!

It will take courage to focus on the positive and not to let my mind keep me from the joys of Love, by reminding me of what happened, the last time I opened my heart.

It takes courage to believe in Love and to open up to giving and receiving it - again and again, and again..............Until it is right!

It takes courage to forgive and honour a Soul Mate, especially one who did not have the courage to Love, but more importantly, to consider the potential of a new life/love partner and new Soul Mate. Can one be so lucky as to find more than one in a lifetime?

It takes courage to continue to believe in myself, when I have been so deeply hurt.

It takes courage to love myself, when the person I wanted to be with, did not love me enough to risk everything and let our love conquer all. It will take courage to take the risk to Love...............Again.

I have been hurt-in-love before. It goes with the territory. But, if I now stop and shut down, I only guarantee myself a life without Love. Why would I choose that for myself? Would I not rather be courageous and try, once again, and choose with my heart, not my mind.....................With One Step at A Time to have the courage to Love again?

I am NOT going to sugar coat relationships, especially illicit ones; they are incredibly challenging. But, good relationships are not as challenging or as painful as the bad ones. And, I have learnt over the last few years to recognize the bad ones. I really thought that the last time, I had found a good one, because I knew I could have a meaningful, exciting, fun, loving and incredibly sexual relationship with Him - a man who is mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy. Sadly though, he was a man who was NOT courageous in Love. His inner struggle with my love "ruined" my life. Nonetheless, I have compassion for him and I am sincerely hoping that it, will in time, bring me freedom and peace.

I now have to be courageous in love to attract this new man, who is also hopefully, courageous in Love. I need to be willing to be vulnerable, messy, exposed, raw, filled with emotion and sometimes, feel out-of-control. I must be willing to do those things for the incredible gifts that cum with Love. The rewards for that courage are worth every ounce of initial discomfort. I can be courageous and after all this time, I think/hope/pray that I have finally met someone who also has the same courage as I do – to LOVE. Why? Because, that is what it takes to have a long lasting, loving, sexually healthy, exciting, joyful relationship.

I, ................ Choose Courage!

I am imagining ALL the wonderful possibilities…………Including, the Great Sex!!!