Written by Pragmatic Hedonist
15 Apr 2016
Taboo....or screw it and just do it?
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7 minute read
I am a fairly straight shooter but treat my interactions with people as an opportunity to delve into what really makes people tick. A bit of a "mind fuck" as some of my friends call me. I tend to notice things like frayed shirt button or scratches on the "sapphire crystal" of a fake Panerai and then use that kind of information to build up a story about the person I'm interacting with. I try not to judge but rather decipher the back story and the psychology that makes people people.
So when it comes to my reason for being here, some might call me cold and emotionally callous because I seem to not have much of a concience. Societal norms dictate "normal" behavior and we find ourselves conforming without ever consciously realizing that we are doing such. I find that embracing the alternative lifestyle indicates that people have faced these societal norms and decided not to conform. There is no right and wrong, just people being people in the company of like minded people. So I guess I find myself in like-minded company...which is comforting (trawlers aside of course).
So on to the topic of this story. I have been in a committed relationship for 2 years. Heading down that one way street that leads to happy ever after. I love my soon to be fiancé and have no intention of placing that in jeopardy (pragmatism personified). Now, I'm the kind of guy who embodies the benign on initial inspection. I usually don't strike women as "hot damn!", and I'm ok with that. In many instances, platonic friendships with women have always somehow evolved to suppressed attraction from the other party. Sometimes this is verbalized, sometimes it goes unsaid until a couple of glasses of wine free the bounds of inhibition and revelations are made. This has become more of a problem with my girlfriend's family. A few cousins that have marginally overstepped the boundaries of those societal norms in attempts to test the waters (easy enough to dismiss politely) but more problematic though, and the subject of this story, a sister who' has presented a major dilemma. We will call her "Jen" for the purpose of this narrative.
Over the 2 years that I've been dating my girlfriend I have noticed that Jen has started emulating my interests, thinking and point of view. Now, a lot of what I say is calculated to induce a reaction (mind fuck) and that's why it has become so noticeable. She always agrees with my point of view and always leaps to my defence when my girlfriend and I have disagreements. She notices and compliments things like a new cologne, a new item of clothing or an interesting accessory. I find her staring at me when she doesn't think I'm looking and this has now become so uncomfortable that I can't look her in the eye when we speak.
Jen is the kind of girl who goes through failed relationship after failed relationship and she always seeks me out to talk through the post-mortem. And this is inevitably followed by a comments like "my sister is so lucky she found you". Three months ago, when the discussions around a potential engagement started picking up steam, things intensified a bit with Jen. She finds ways of breaking the touch barrier very often. A stroke of the thigh when asking if I'd like a drink or a cup of coffee. Hugs that seem to last a little longer than they should. And most recently, the "oh, did you want kiss the other cheek" and then brushing her lips over mine as she greets me. With behavior like this, one starts to assign less suspicion to the fact that she always finds a way to sit next to me when the rugby is on or when the family gathers to chill in the lounge. In hindsight this in itself should be strange but with the aforementioned happening so regularly this has become "par for the course".
Last night however I responded instinctively (to my surprise) for the first time. I was out on a business dinner and my colleagues decided to hit a local watering hole for a drink afterward. I ran into Jen there and she had clearly knocked back a few by the time I got there. The enthusiastic greeting was almost expected. I introduced her to my colleagues and afterward she excused herself and asked me to come find her for a drink and a catch-up when I had finished the shop talk. My colleagues left after one drink and suspecting that things could get weird now that I'm on my own, I thought I'd greet her on my way out under the pretence that I had a long day and I still had some meeting prep to do for the next day.
When I found her she was having a bit of an aggressive interaction with a guy and I did the chivalrous thing by stepping in asking her if everything was ok. She grabbed my arm and led me outside for a smoke where I heard all about this "fuckboy" who couldn't take no for an answer. It wasn't long before he made his way outside as well and she whispered to me to play along. I leaned back against the railing on the deck and as he made his way towards us she shuffled back and leaned back against me. He apologized and said he didn't realize that she was with someone and offered to buy us a round of drinks. I declined and told him not to worry about it. He walked off but interestingly she didn't move from her spot leaning against my chest.
In this moment my head is saying it's time to get the hell out of dodge but.....I didn't. I think she could tell that the moment to make a decision had passed and I had clearly not done anything. She didn't turn her head, just kept looking forward puffing on her cigarette. I could sense a feeling of accomplishment eminating from her body language. When she tossed the cigarette butt she placed her hands on my legs and and let out a slow sigh. I could feel my erection growing as pushed her bum against my crotch. She turned, brushed her hand across the bulge in my pants, smiled and said "if you're heading out now, do you mind walking me to my uber". I agreed and when we stepped out of the bar she suggested we share the cab and I could hop out first as I lived nearby. I agreed, wondering what would happen in the back of the uber. We didn't say a word on the 5 min drive, she just kept glancing over occasionally with a coy smile. When I reached my stop, she leaned in for a hug, kissed me on the lips this time and thanked me. I hadn't closed the door to my apartment when my phone beeped with a message from her that read "we both know I shouldn't be in this uber right now, how long do we have to wait before we get a chance like tonight again".
Today I visited my girlfriend and things went right back to normal. Jen popped outside to say hello and give me a hug... And as she walked away behind my gf, she winked and mouthed "don't worry".
So here's the dilemma. I know Jen doesn't really want to date me. And she doesn't want me to break up with her sister either. So do I engineer another night like last night and get this monkey off my back? Or do I just enjoy the sexual tension whenever she's around? The latter is a lot of fun too.
Your comments welcomed and appreciated.