22 May 2018
Looking for Love in the Wrong Places
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I am so sick and tired of people telling me, "You will find Love when you stop looking" and I am dam sure that some of you have been told that too. Well, that sounds like Bullsh*t to me!!!
Are they saying that IF I sit on my couch, binge-watching romcoms and soapies on TV and ordering take-out, the man of my dreams will magically appear and fall out of the fucking sky into my backyard? It is so easy, right? All I have to do is to STOP looking, find some hobbies, join the gym or a sodding book club, grab a drink with the girls and the next Love of My Life will walk up to me in the mall and ask me for coffee. WTF???
Self-help books tell me that if I STOP looking and concentrate on myself, Love will magically appear. It is, apparently, all about the laws of attraction. IF I am happy, which I am, I will attract happiness; if I am desperate, which I am not (yet!) I will attract the desperate. There may be some truth to that, but the advice does not consider the full picture........
Why does looking automatically make me desperate? And, when have I ever found something when I have stopped looking for it or working for it? Did that HOD promotion appear when I stopped looking for it? Did I find that perfect home with that awesome garden when I stopped looking for it? Yes, the unexpected does happen, but when I look at the odds, they are always in my favour when I have worked towards attaining a specific goal.
So, let's look at the bigger picture here. Those self-help books are right about some things. We should find happiness within ourself - fuck, I have never been happier. We should have passions that fulfills us - I love writing and riding my motorbike. We should be complete and whole, since someone else will never complete us.........Blah, blah, blah. Being all of that will help attract the right one and as such, I do wholeheartedly believe that self-love, passion and happiness attract others naturally to me.
Becoming more attractive, because I exude these qualities is one thing, but finding Love does not end there. That is just where it begins. I still have to seek out potential partners and date them with purpose. But, dating with purpose is where I, like most others, Fail in Love. Possibly, I am not - "cool" - because I do tell the men I date exactly what I want, as for me, playing gauche and coy did not get me promoted and it certainly is not going to get me a Man to Love - I am NOT like that! I fucking work for what I want!
I have been single for five years and I have been looking for Love.........again and again. Guess what? It has NOT found me - not True Love. Once I decided I wanted to try another "real" relationship - NOT as a FWB with NSA or being The Other Woman - my aim was to approach it as aggressively as I would any other goal I have ever had and conquered. I worked on self-love and finding someone to Love, simultaneously. I have created a vision for myself, as an individual and as part of a couple. Creating a conscious reality meant answering some questions about what a sustainable relationship and True Love would mean to me.
How do I balance Love with my career, family and friends? What value does being in a relationship with me bring to someone else? How do I communicate that vision to a potential partner? Yip, my vision is as thought-out as a Resume I would have presented to any prospective employer, and hopefully soon, I will be shortlisted. LOL.
I am a happy and fulfilled woman, who wants to travel, have adventures - in and out of bed, be with a friend-lover-partner, have a home filled with Love, and this ALL, with a man who, together, also wants to create a comfortable and amazing life worth sharing.
I will continue to speak about this vision - for my life - with purpose, passion and certainty - until Love does find me. It will find me One Day. And why? Because I sought it out and because I did not give up.
LOVE WILL FIND ME, BECAUSE I INVITED LOVE INTO MY LIFE!
I WILL NOT STOP LOOKING FOR LOVE.
I JUST NEED TO LOOK FOR IT DIFFERENTLY............and, very possibly, NOT on here!!!