15 Oct 2018

Dating has becum really challenging and disappointing for me. Sometimes – like this past rainy weekend - I feel like crawling under a blanket and just binge watching Showmax, until everything is okay again. It has really gotten me feeling rather down, as a few times before, since deciding that I did not want to be a FWB or The Other Woman anymore, but rather that I want to be the Girlfriend who rocked a man’s world.

Yes, I know that it is not about Me! When rejected, our first impulse is to always blame ourselves. What did I do? Why is he rejecting me? What’s wrong with me? However, if the men I want to date (No, it's not that many LOL) reject me and/or treat me poorly, I need to keep in mind that if they chose to act this way, it is on them. Their behaviour does not have anything to do with me. There are so many times that I have rejected men; not because they are not totally lovely human beings, but because of something intangible that told me that they just were not going to be a good match for me - long term. I am sure someone else would totally dig them, but I am just not that person. In the end, it really was about me, not them.

And shit, sometimes rejection is a blessing. Everyone I date, I am either going to break up with or commit to. It is a sobering thought. The path to finding the right man – again - is (unfortunately) rife with rejection. Rejection is going to happen and it is going to suck. However, in a sense, he would be doing me a favour by telling me, “Hey, don’t waste any time on me. I’m not the right man for you.” So, I need to allow rejection to guide me, instead of holding me back.

I know too, that there is nothing about me that is broken or that needs “fixing.” Our culture is inherently one of self-improvement and we are constantly being told that the secret to happiness can be ours IF only we fix X, Y, Z (our beach-body/dating technique/sex-moves etc.) It is to the point where many of us, especially those over 50 like me, feel like we are kept in a perpetual state of insecurity. Fuck that! Here is the truth: I am absolutely perfect (LOL) and worthy of Love, just the way I am – faults 'n all. If a man does not see this, I have given myself permission to send him packing. I’ve got this!

It is okay to occasionally feel down. Hurt, anger, a strong urge to drink wine….… These are all natural reactions to romantic disappointment. And, I have given myself time to feel all the feelings and then, to let them go. There is NO rule that says I have to keep dating. Instead of saying, “Just get back on that horse!” and I am also not obliged to date, pair off, hook up or be together – something that is not always realistic, fair or even healthy. We are constantly fed the message that if we are not dating, in a relationship or trying to find one, that there is something wrong with us. Well, this could not be further from the truth

Yes, I am searching for Love, but I cannot find it. I am frustrated (sexually too LOL) and annoyed with the whole dating scene and my favourite line is, “Are the good ones all taken?” And Yes, I know that I am the problem! I often quote and blame statistics on why I do not have what I want, instead of doing the real work to get what I want. If I wanted a great body, I would change my eating habits and workout at a gym, right? Complaining only burns so many calories. When it cums to Love, many do not think there is any work to do. People think Love should happen like it does in the movies. It doesn’t! Believe me! Living in a fantasy world will only keep Love from being found.

Dating today is like pushing a giant boulder up a hill and watching it roll back down again…..... I have Dating Fatigue!! I have a FOMO and with all the Apps, there is endless swiping, looking for The One. It really negates the romance, but how else does Love find me???