25 Jan 2018

Single guys have a really bad rep in this lifestyle. There are many reasons for this, but I think the main reason is because we think with our dicks when we come on a site like this. A few weeks ago, I had an AWESOME experience with a couple and somewhere during the night the idea for this piece of writing came into my head. Obviously I don’t know everything, but maybe this writing makes you think about the little things that, in a situation like this, are actually very important.

So, why is etiquette important in a scene that is supposedly about sex? Well, remember that, as a single guy, people are considering whether they should invite you into their space or their sexual experience or, at the very least, their home. The very least you can do is to be a good guest but, on a more practical level, they are also on the watch for warning signs that you will not be the very best experience they can possibly have. Remember always that there are probably about 10 guys for every woman on here so women and couples can afford to be really, really choosy. You have to give them a good reason to choose you and- get this- social etiquette, not the size of your cock or your six pack, will probably be the reason why they allow you into their world. OK, let’s start.

First impression. A principle that has always stood me in good stead is this: Don’t be the hunter; be the watering hole. STOP SAYING WHAT YOU WANT AND RATHER ALLUDE TO WHAT YOU CAN OFFER. Go back and read that again until you remember it. An opening message that says ‘Aai want too fak jor waaif antil she paasis out’ is going to get you on the ‘blocked’ list really, really quickly. Why? Because EVERY guy on here wants to fuck the dude’s wife or the girl until she passes out. Seriously. Rather mention that you are a good conversationalist or well-read or a slow, sensual lover. Focus on what you can offer. And if you don’t have anything to offer? I dunno, read books, work out, become an absolute expert on tantric techniques. It is up to you to get ahead of the game here.

Respect. Yes, this is a lifestyle for people who are sexually liberated. However, it does NOT mean that the women on here are just willing to let anyone fuck them. When a woman/couple is in this lifestyle, it means the following: That they are comfortable with their sexual needs and that they are empowering themselves to ensure that those needs are met. You may or may not be invited to share that journey with them. You have to show that you can actually somehow make that journey more memorable (in a positive way) before they will consider letting you be a part of it.

Remember also that women work different from men. With us guys, if you seduce our body then our mind will follow. However, a woman works the other way round: If you seduce her mind, her body will follow. Your opening letter is the one shot that you have to show that maybe you have that skill. Put some effort into it, put yourself into the couple/girl’s shoes and think if that letter would get you interested. If it is the couple’s first attempt at swinging, the woman will usually have many things that she is unsure of. It is important that you be concerned with where she (or even the guy) are in their minds, what fears they have and what you can do to lessen those fears without being dismissive. You are about to go on a journey of sexual discovery with these people/this person so you should try to connect with them.

Obviously, if someone has not responded to your letter, LET IT GO. If not, you are BEING PUSHY. DON’T.

OK, so, let’s say you actually get invited to a couple’s home. Good for you!!! The one thing I will never understand is how many guys actually make it this far and then they chicken out. As a single guy myself, it really annoys me because people think I am the same as you. Look, here’s the thing: If you are not serious about this then STOP WASTING PEOPLE”S TIME. It is really, really bad manners. Imagine if you were trying to sell a car and someone said they wanted it and they are on their way right now with the cash, so you tell all the other interested buyers that it is sold. And then the buyer just pulls out of the deal. Would you like that? Once you have made a commitment, the time for decisionmaking is over. You have made your decision and someone is counting on you to honour that. Often, couples only have the one night where the kids are away and everything is perfect for some naughtiness and then you come and spoil it for them. Shame on you!!! Women usually go to great lengths to prepare themselves for an encounter, unlike us guys. They tittevate and do their hair up and everything. Don’t ruin all that effort for them, it is really very rude and inconsiderate.

The encounter. Right, you are on your way to have a night of unbridled passion. Maybe consider the following:

Always offer to bring snacks/something to drink. It shows good upbringing and consideration. You will probably spend at least an hour chatting first so snacks will be needed and you are on the road anyway.

It is your job to supply condoms. I don’t care if you don’t like them, supply them and use them. Look at it from the couple’s perspective: Here is a guy who wants to bang your wife but he does not believe in condoms. That means that he regularly engages in unprotected sex with people who he has only just met and who are also cool with unprotected sex. Really? I think not.

Go without expectations. Just get to know the people, see if there is a spark. Getting through their front door is by no means an assurance that sex will definitely happen. Really, really just go to actually have a good time whether sex actually happens or not. Be good conversation. If you don’t know how, read ‘How to win friends and influence people’ by Dale Carnegie. It is a skill that can be learnt and more than learnt: You can become a master at good conversation. It is also a good idea to give people a few minutes by themselves so they can decide together whether or not they want to take the next step. Say you have to go to the bathroom or something and stay away for about 5 minutes.

Take your own dirty dishes/glasses back to the kitchen. It is just amazing what a good impression that makes.

The used condoms were around your dick so you dispose of them. I would not be very impressed if someone expected my wife/girlfriend to pick their used condoms up after them and I probably wouldn’t invite them back. You keep track of how many were used, you pick them up and throw them away where the kids won’t see them the next morning (yes, children do sometimes see stuff in dustbins). Wrap it in some toilet paper and chuck it in the wheelie bin if you have to.

And that is that. If anyone has anything to add to this, I think it could actually become an interesting conversation.