Written by AngeliqueB

Fact
10 Apr 2014


Women are lucky in that we can have an orgasm pretty much anywhere and not have to worry about leaving behind any telltale substances. Men, on the other hand, know that the end-result of their pleasure includes a mess to clean up. This means that you should have an Ejaculation Etiquette Plan that includes: where it goes; where it does not go; how it is cleaned up; and, how it is disposed of. Much of this is dependent on your partner's likes and dislikes, so make sure to get an idea of where she draws the line - when it comes to your climactic fluids.

If you are having sex without a condom (you are both safe in all aspects, including birth control, STDs etc) you will likely end up finishing inside her. Make sure to get her permission, BEFORE cumming inside her. This option lifts most of the clean-up responsibility off you, since your ejaculate is now literally her problem. She will likely excuse herself to go to the bathroom and clean up there. There is a possibility that some of your stuff could leak out before she makes her way to the bathroom. In this case, the onus is back on you to clean up your mess. Wetwipes next to the bed show your consideration in any eventuality.

DO NOT tell her that you will not ejaculate inside her and then do it anyway.

When using protection, the condom should be removed immediately after you ejaculate, BEFORE you lose your erection. This will prevent any sperm from escaping and slopping all over her or the bed. Tie the end off so nothing leaks out and place it in the garbage - NOT the toilet or the floor.

DO NOT ask her to take the used condom off for you. That is your responsibility.

The ejaculation etiquette involved in oral sex is a little more complex. Firstly, you have to determine as to whether or not she wants to swallow, or for that matter, even have you cum in her mouth - as erotic as that is for a man, not all women are wannbe porn queens. Once this is established, it is nice to let her know, as to when to expect your orgasm, so she can either prepare to swallow and avoid gagging, or switch to a different method of stimulation - like using her hand, to finish you off. You do not have to make a big announcement of it. A simple, "It's time," would do; or, you could agree on a subtler signal that you are about to erupt.

DO NOT hold her head so she has no choice but to swallow. That is a good way to never receive another blowjob again.

NOTE: As the mucus membranes in the mouth are that much more absorptive than in the vagina, the risk of infection is all the greater in this area and so, hygiene is of paramount importance.

Semen is not a teeth-whitener, however, it is full of protein, minerals like zinc and calcium, some fructose sugars and other nutrients. Semen varies widely in taste, mainly as a result, of diet; has few calories and is perfectly safe to swallow IF there are NO sexually transmitted diseases or infections. The average volume of semen produced at ejaculation is two to five millilitres and sperm only constitutes one percent of the entire load. If swallowed, the semen will travel down the oesophagus and into the stomach, where it will be digested with all the other food and drink consumed. Make sure to be careful, as the average speed of ejaculate during a male orgasm is twenty-eight miles per hour. So, best she be prepared!!

Swallowing semen may upset the stomach, but that does not necessarily mean it is a dangerous act; sexual norms vary from person to person. One person can be turned on by one sexual act, while another person can be completely turned off and repulsed by the same thing. Communication between partners is vital when it comes to swallowing semen. The gesture of swallowing semen is a sign of acceptance (love) to some, but others do not think anything of it.

Some men like the idea of ejaculating on a womans body - on her womanhood, breasts or butt, and some women think it is sexy too. Again, this should be established beforehand, because it is possible that it could gross her out and that would be bad ejaculation etiquette. If she digs it, then shoot ahead.

DO NOT rub it in afterward; spread it around with your hands or collapse on top of her so the mess is squished between your bodies. Let her guide you with her actions, as to her preferences of what to do with your juices.

There comes a time in every guy's life when he wants to pull out and impersonate Old Faithful, just for the visual. Women too, may appreciate the visual - just like the hickey, it is a spectacle (though hopefully not one that her co-workers will spot the next morning.) Facials, in particular, remain one of the biggest taboos and taboo-busting sex is often the hottest, in that "so wrong, it's right" kind of way. But, in some cases, it is so wrong that it is simply wrong. For example: performing without first getting permission.

DO NOT get any in her eyes and avoid her hair as well, if possible, although being pure protein, it makes for the best hair conditioner.

Coming on a person's face is a loaded act - like slapping them in the face (which can also be a nice touch in the middle of sex - come to think of it). Projectiles aimed at your face - a glass of water, a drink, a piece of pie with cream, a fist - are rarely hallmarks of affection. The above-the-neck money shot is also a staple in porn, making it extra hot for some people, but extra icky for others. In fact, its prevalence in porn is one reason why people averse to lovecheese do not necessarily go gaga for the facial. And, let's not forget that a guys juice stings like a mother, if you get it in your eye.

Of course, not all facials are created equal. Like eating fish eggs vs. caviar - context is king. If you are an abusive asshole, whose mom did not love you enough and consequently you treat every lover who has the misfortune of crossing your genital path as if she (or he) were a side of beef, then the facial is a true act of degradation. But, if you call your mother once a week, are in a mature relationship, and you both are tickled by it, then the facial is an act and nothing more - an agreeable form of role-playing. If you mark your territory because you believe your partner is your property, then you deserve to be evicted without notice. But, if you mark the territory because you like the visual, then it is simply a way to make things more fun without waking the neighbours.

Here are a few guidelines - mostly for the Ejaculator, for doing it the right way:

1. Don't rush the clean-up like you're a puppy who just peed on the rug; wipe your partner down tenderly and treat the act as part of the post-coital bonding. If it's a particularly large deposit, lead your partner by the hand to the shower to rinse off together.

2. Only tacky idiots and pre-teens attempt to win over a woman by listing jizzim benefits to her complexion. Semen does indeed contain protein, which can have a temporary tightening effect on wrinkly skin......until she rinses it off in the bathroom.

3. If you've never come anywhere, but in the condom before, consider building up - stomach, breasts, back, neck (a.k.a. a Pearl Necklace). Or, just ask your partner where you should come.

4. Remember that ejaculate can spread disease if it comes into contact with any mucous membrane, not just the vagina (i.e. mouth, eyes, open cuts, anus).

5. If you want to request a change of cum venue, do it in advance (so the sex is not imminent and the pressure is lifted.) Don't raise the subject at breakfast or during rush hour traffic. Instead, do it over a glass of wine when youre playing footsie and things are a little frisky. Lean in and say something like, "You're so sexy, you make me want to do dirty things. I'd really love to come on you sometime."

6. When asking permission mid-sex, just make the request part of the dirty talk: everyone's more open to suggestion in the throes of ecstasy.

7. Ejaculate on the face especially, becomes unsexy (not to mention chilly) exactly 2.3 seconds after the last orgasmic shudder. Therefore, never request a facial unless you've got a box of wetwipes or a towel on the bedside table. If you only have Kleenex on hand, settle for a Pearl Necklace.

8. Guys, don't complain if you get some on yourself; remember, it's on her too.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...............

9. Nothing says the "pretend defilement ends here" quite like a good cuddle.

If you follow polite Cum Courtesy, you can avoid plenty of awkward and potentially gross post-sex clean-up routines. You will also have a better chance of keeping your partner happy, which means you will have more opportunities to practice your ejaculation ettiquette in the future.


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