24 Oct 2018
Being In Love makes for Great Sex
A Significant Other makes a Better Lover
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Sex, or as I prefer to call it – Making Love (on occasion Fucking) - is a completely different experience with every man I have ever done it with, which is actually what makes it so exciting, especially when starting to date someone new. Even though there will (most likely and hopefully) always be variety in my sexual experiences, I have discovered one thing to be true, over the years, that I used to think was a total sexual myth: Sex with a partner I consider to be a Significant Other (SO) has always been more enjoyable than with a man who is merely a “hook-up.” I did not purposefully set out on a mission to prove this to myself or to any anyone …….. It just sort of happened that way.
I have not always dated the men I have slept with. Yes, I have indulged in Casual Sex with men I did not really know; even on a first date. Shock! Horror! LOL Although, it has been quite a while since I have had “meaningless” legover, due to my decision to stop being a FWB or The Other Woman and wait for the next Love of My Life to cum along. And, I have since been on the occasional Greet ‘n Meet, in my pursuit of finding the Right One. But why am I doing this to myself? Why am I Holding Out for Love, just like in the song sung by Cher? WTF!!!!
Well, because I have to be truthful to myself and admit that the most memorable, mind-blowing Sex (despite the fact that I have yet to fall off the bed) I have ever had, in my life, was with a man I was in love with, at the time of doing the Horizontal Mambo. In fact, the first time I ever had a multiple orgasm (I was 48 then) was during intercourse with a (married) man I had developed intense feelings for. And, it kept happening with him. No, not because he was especially gifted at knockin’ boots, but rather because I love him. (Not a spelling mistake or grammatical error either.)
Being emotionally connected to ones sexual partner in order to have Great Sex might not be true for everyone, as I cannot speak for all, but it has certainly been the case for me, the majority of the time, since we parted ways. And, I have asked myself what makes the difference when having Mediocre Sex vs. Making fucking wonderful Love.
Here, is what I think……………..
It is tough to find a man who knows what is really happening in my mind, body and soul (or, who actually gives a shit.) I mean, most men are merely on “the hunt” and when they finally find some willing legover, most do not understand how to be sensitive to my needs. A man who is truly “connected to me” usually also is more mature, with several more years of experience under his belt (LOL, literally;) he gets to witness firsthand how I respond to different touches and stimulations - he learns! He gets to realized over time that there are endless ways he can get me aroused and that stimulating my mind is only the beginning.
An emotionally-connected man does not only care about climaxing and being focused on orgasming, despite this being totally understandable and normal. But, there is a whole new world to be discovered when a “committed” man starts fooling around, without the allure of infidelity. It is so much more than getting to the finish line due to limited time; there is greater opportunity to play, experiment and generally, enjoy the entirety of the intimate act – Great Sex. Don’t get me wrong though ………… The happy end is great, too, but that is only a very small part of it all.
A man who wants Great Sex knows that Foreplay matters, and it is about more than just preparing for down there. Caresses, kisses, and touches in all sorts of places, enhance the connected togetherness. As a woman, it is particularly important for me to have successful foreplay from a SO, because it takes us a longer time to get up to the level of arousal needed to have an earth-shatering orgasm. I need that “little bit extra” to get ready and it takes time to discover this; it does not just cum to beginners or complete strangers.
In my experience, most men take Sex way too seriously. I personally blame this on the porn culture (but, it could be a variety of reasons). We are all used to seeing dudes with a somber, wannabe-tough-guy look on their face, trying to perform to the best of their abilities to please their very vocal partner. It can be easy to forget that porn is usually nothing more than a performance, so some men take this to heart and try to copy it, especially if with a woman they do not really know. But, a man for whom I have feelings, and conversely, he (hopefully) has feelings for me, will know that things do not always go to plan; at times, Great Sex can be downright silly. Sometimes, you fall out of certain positions (particularly, as we get older LOL) bump heads together, or bang body parts on the bed frame. The best way to respond to these hiccups is to just laugh it off, rather than profusely apologize and try to make up for it, because it is all so initially strange.
As emotions evolve and feelings deepen, Great Sex becums curious. Did you guess this one? While it is not true across the board, “boyfriends” are usually more curious creatures in the bedroom than a casual lover. It makes sense. Boyfriends (and girlfriends) have to mix it up to keep things interesting. Role playing, S&M scenarios, threesomes (Nooo, not for me!) but yes, name it - I would probably at least consider it, before giving a NO answer. Besides (at least I would hope) in the heat of the moment, the most wonderful things can happen
With a SO, one can (should be able to) speak up about what one likes and does not like. This is so for me. I am older and more confident in myself, which means I am no longer too shy to be honest about what I want in bed. This kind of honesty is exactly what makes a couples’ sex life vibrant and interesting. Nobody is left to play the guessing game, which can eat away at the sexual relationship over time and create the worry that something is not right. There is sexual communication!
A man (and woman) who deems a loving sustainable relationship worthwhile, realizes the importance of talking about Sex and mutual orgasms are the result.
Great Sex is not only about what happens in the bedroom. The real magic of Great Sex does not just exist in the midst of fucking. What happens before and after, adds to the whole experience and partners in such a relationship, becum champions at making those parts matter just as much.
A man “in love” with me, makes Sex even sexier than it already is, but probably because, I am in love with him………I WANT TO FALL IN LOVE AND OFF THE BED, AGAIN.