03 Aug 2017

I am (next Wednesday - Woman's Day) another year older; a half century plus two years and I cannot help but to reflect on the past few years, especially the last four, gone by. I am having a somewhat sweeter time now, reminiscing the past - my achievements; my memories made with people I love and care for; and of course, I have also revisited the sadder moments; the heartaches; the failures; and, the disappointments.

Although my past does NOT define my future, it shapes and makes me the woman I am today. Sometimes, it is necessary to review the past; this, so I can better understand my present and create a happier and more prosperous future. I do not have to dwell on my past mistakes and disappointments. Instead, I use them as a tool for learning; to avoid doing and making the same mistakes, over and over again. Experience is always the best teacher.

Though not an Apple fan, I do like Steve Jobs and one of my favourite quotes is:

"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference, in my life."

It is so very true. The past prepares me for my future. If it were not for my past, I would not be the stronger, wiser woman I am today. Past hurts may have left scars; some deeper and uglier than others, but their purpose is to remind me of how much pain I have endured and that there is NO reason why, I cannot overcome any future difficulties I may encounter in the future.

I used to blame others and see myself as a victim, of some unfortunate circumstances. However, that kind of mentality only served to push me down further into the depths of bitterness, despair and denial. I have stopped looking outward and started the journey inward. Only then (again, very recently, in fact) I realized that I am responsible for my own misery (and happiness!) I may not be able to stop other people from hurting me, but no one else can take me out from a seemingly insurmountable ordeal. I have the power to, either submit to misery and prolong the pain, or acknowledge it and........... Move on. I create my own heaven and hell and, I shape my own destiny.

Rejection and failure are other forms of evil. Although now, I look at them as blessings; however, in a painful form. I used to beat myself up over my mistakes and spend an enormous amount of time thinking about "I should have done things differently." As I grow older and wiser - another year on - I have begun to realize that mistakes are there to teach us lessons. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I am still doomed to fail. It is inevitable; there is nothing (or very little) I can do about it - I can only learn from it.

Everything I do (emotionally, intellectually, physically, and spiritually) is an investment. Each time I invest, success is never guaranteed. Failure means I made a mistake and/or I made a poor judgement call. Once I recognize the factors that led me to failure, then I know what to do next time. But, failing for the first time does not mean I will win the second time around.........or a third time. Luckier maybe? I hope so!

Life is a constant error-detection and error-correction process. Every day, I invest; hence, everyday there is a possibility of losing and winning. Judgement is the key. Poor judgement can lead me to further damage and despair. Hence, I need to change my game plan, until I get the right formula to success; allow myself to fail; take time to process it and keep moving forward. Connecting the dots means I can connect the negative and positive aspects of my past; this, that I can invest in healthier opportunities in the future. I need to trust in something and that something, is my judgement; my instinct and as a strong woman, my intuition. Success depends on how well I exercise these three factors............... Every single day.

I have changed and grown so much, particularly during this past year. I am grateful for my failures and looking forward to my future successes. There are still so many battles to lose and win and, so many lessons still to learn.

Every day I commit myself to becoming a better person; a better woman.

Every day I try my best to make wise decisions.

Every day is an opportunity for me to grow out of my mistakes and reap the rewards of my achievements.

I remain, yet still................. A Wonderful Work in Progress!