@ iamican  Thank you for the clarification. To me, you seem on the RIGHT tract and  do not really need any help, as the most of the first post is in Your Past, and you already know that what you had, was not really Lifestyle orientated. And you already share a lot of positive expectations and insight in your new relationship and Lifestyle journey.

I would however suggest you follow Karoocpl`s advice to go to meet and greets if there is any on your side of the computer, and to go to clubs rather than make plans with single people.  I Think SH is a fun place to be, I made a lot of friends here and we still meet up from time to time (just for coffee mind you) but for a *newbie* couple I really would suggest to only find couples to meet up with first, so You and your Lovey can find some Lifestyle mentors, there is really a LOT of them right here but also more so when you meet in an situation/area where there is NO expectations. And it usually is GREAT to have someone to talk to, to ask advice from. BUT once again be sure they make  being Mentors a positive experience and as you said, and NOT for their OWN agenda. 

As for the no-show...well, I myself was guilty of that at times,I am ashamed to reveal, but I usually had reasons for that. But also know it happens/ed to the best of us and more frequently than what more people will admit to. It is really not you or your lovey`s fault but sometimes just remember the guilty party might have a relevant and good reason. Just make sure when It happens that if you stand someone up, to apologize as soon as possible, or even better to phone before hand and cancel. YOUR no show,  however is guilty of bad manners and surely he is just a WANKER.......

Everything of the best for you guys!!!!!  

@ AndrewMills   We all learn over time, and we usually learn from each other. If you are going to try this with your partner, please be SURE to make SURE you have all relative information to be know on HOW to do a Figging, and WHAT SAFETY measures to have handy!  Enjoy!

@ iamican

For NOW,  I read a VERY GOOD FORA discussion here, and a viable few insights into the lifestyle to be had, from all the active Fora participants.   And I am sure no one will be condescending towards you at all.

Let me see....I might come over as a little brain dead.

You were married and divorced and now married to a lady a few years your junior. Whom you now told about and asked to join the swingers lifestyle, as you missed it. Your current lady agreed to try.
You had a discussion about the swingers lifestyle but never gotten to the rules, all couples set in place for themselves before actively starting out. As an OLD swinger with previous experience with your previous wifey/partner you may not have thought to do this.
 
Now this part I am not sure I understand.
You and first wife/partner had the lady go home with you...or you and your current lady took the lady home. Something happened to make you uncomfortable, That time around? Now was/is it with your first wife/partner or the now lady? 
Is this when you knew you both are not doing the *swinging*lifestyle but just screwing around to your hearts content? Each one doing it for your own selves and needs?

Now, After the MMF weekend you enjoyed watching Your current lady enjoying herself And YOU enjoyed yourself as well. BUT you are not sure where this is leading you guys??
You would like to explore more, but will be satisfied if this is your ladies limit.

Only until I know the answers to the above, I might be able to give a little feed back to my own experiences from when I was active. Cause, if most things happened to you with your first lady partner it is surely irrelevant. BUT if it is happening to you NOW, with your current lovey, there is surely things you both NEED to discuss.

@redbruce...LMAO   yeah well, Kinky I am, can not deny that at all. Ginger is NOT the only thing that can go into an humans  orifices. There is a LOT of *things* one can use to stimulate any sexual organ.... 

@iamican and amethyst  you are both right, exposure to all things sexual makes us slightly jaded over time.

@Henny55 We all most certainly have limits. As any Kinkster will tell you,  we all have lists and list of HARD limits (meaning things we will never do).

And as iamican mentioned, some people really to my own impression and mindset, takes things to a DARK unacceptable place. But of course what is a dark place and unacceptable to me, might not be for someone else....

I was contacted by a lady I used to play with asking if I was willing to give  a lecture on Chemical play, and then maybe use her as a sub demonstrating some sort of chemical play scene at a private play party. She was talking to some people in the BDSM community and told them about a Figging scene I introduced her to a few years ago when she asked me for a  chemical play session. I had to decline but I know she will get a Domme/Dom to do the  lecture and scene with her. 

BUT it made me reminisce.

Now I know this is NOT normally something you vanilla guys would even consider or even think about, I just had to tell you what you are missing...
Doing any scene in BDSM is NOT just about the ONE thing...it is doing a LOT of things, all happening at the same time.
Think about something one would think of as soft kink... like a nice sexy spanking. For us Kinky people it is NOT just a thing to do...NOPE  it is the build up to it....the MIND fuck so to say...for the pleasure one would expect to enjoy.  I will describe a nice sexy spanking later on.

The same could be said about Chemical play, One would think just sticking a piece of ginger in a vagina or ass,   walla, the scene is set...NOPE  THAT is the LEAST part of a scene with Ginger/chemicals....or any BDSM scene really. One has to KNOW what a certain chemical will do to a person, and on how to increase the pleasure and the reactions. And of course(very important) KNOW your subs allergies!!!!!!!

Lets say I did take the lady up on her offer to use her as a sub while I demonstrated on how to do a Figging (as showing on how to use a chemical on a body)....each Domme Or Dom would do it their own way and might disagree with me, they are most welcome to do so..This is my way. Although ginger is not really a favorite of mine. There is way  way better and exciting chemicals to use on/in a person. You might want to ask about some chemicals, I will answer to the best of my ability.

Setting up a special place, this area is to be specially suggestive and sexy as to already start creating a sexual atmosphere, dimmed light,maybe some soft music as back ground. Toys for visual stimulation as I lead my little lady to her playtime....(some I most certainly might/would NOT use like huge dildo`s & nipple clamps and such.) 

I would use.....

 A blindfold....a pussy flogger (specially small light one)  a few restraints, could be scarves or rope to leather cuffs (ankle and wrists) some vibrating bullet and of course  chemicals, in this case the Figging supplies.(like gloves/ carrot peelers/ knives and plain Bulgarian yogurt(safety measure) some ice water.

I would expect my sub to  come to me with just a robe NOTHING underneath..... I would place her on the bed,  cover her eyes.....I would then restrain her movements and OPEN her genital and anal area.... with the restrains (I might start of by inserting the bullet vibrator BUT not activate it....and I might use the nipple clamps maybe on her nipples or labia`s depending on what I feel like doing....
Once she is lying there OPEN and WAITING...

I would like her to hear me move around doing things BUT not knowing what..........

I would start preparing the GINGER I would be using in her..... the smell of me peeling and cutting the ginger in the appropriate shapes...I would verbalize what I am doing step by step and would tell her what I would be doing and WHAT she will/might feel.....I will, once everything is prepared  give her a slice to chew on....before I would insert the first piece into her anus.....the second piece goes into her vagina and the last slice onto her clit (maybe rub some ginger all over her nipples)........then I would sit back and WAIT...NOT talking myself but encourage her to tell me what she is feeling...Once she starts to wriggle and beg me to give her relief...(this part usually is VERY verbal and loud as ginger usually BURNS)  might take up to 15 minutes and last 20 or less minutes,I would take the little flogger and start to lightly flog her nipples.....alternating between her nipples, thighs and and legs to her exposed butt cheeks  to her labia`s and then her clit........ I might even now activate the little vibrating bullet..and lightly flog her clit.....this time untill her orgasm over takes her......The Ginger also works like an aphrodisiac. BUT mostly it has a burning sensation IT CERTAINLY differs from person to person. AND there is way MORE exciting chemicals to play with.....and to age your Ginger before use, makes it way more potent....

Now the above is just a little of what really happens during a scene, the safety and the safe use of the ginger and the after care is not mentioned here. SO do NOT try this at home untill you have read up on the safety measures. 
And Hopefully you will have noticed I used/added a few other kinky stimulation's  to peak the scene and make it way more pleasurable for the sub. That is WHY I say doing a scene for one thing you actually using/doing way more than what you or the sub might realize.

Feedback.

I do not like being a couch potato watching sport...I dislike anyone touching my head and combing their fingers through my hair, BUT my lovey LOVES that kind of attention and LOVES all kind of sport.
Watching some Rugby World Series, I decided to surprise her with me joining her, I made her sit in front of me and I proceeded to massage her head, neck and combed my fingers through her head for the first 40 minutes of the game!!!!  She nearly went to sleep and it was only when it was halftime and I stopped to get up to make some tea, she asked me *what It is I wanted*...gnfff.....as if I never do somethings nice for her......When I told her about the Above Fora...she said ANYTIME I need to do something NICE I was welcome....and that she enjoyed the attention.
So much for doing something nice.......gnff... MAYBE that is why there is NOT more fora patrons joining me in this venture....or maybe because it is TOOOOOOoooooo vanilla......

Okay so I was thinking of something new to do with my lovey, as we are really NOT sexually active anymore....what to do  what to do.....

Though about massages...done that too many times....

KINKY shit...she is so NOT into that....

So WHAT to do, that will be new to her ....

STILL thinking on it......

@redbruce   What a nice idea that panned out. I just found that, with something sweet inside a ladies genitals, that the ladies is more prone to an infection to happen ... have you thought about making an ice dildo itself...making it small or HUGE.....your own choice....

@Watyouwant   Yeah, I also like kinky blindfolds and spreader bars......opening up what you want open....

All is way to quiet in the shall we start something we might all like to do??

Do something NEW with your partner or playmate...must be NEW and something you have never tried.
It can be as vanilla or as kinky as you want, but tell us what you want to do...then give feed back on what happened.
Let me give you some ideas...
Vanilla..
Kiss your partner differently to what you would usually do...let them play as well by making a *bet* to how many styles there are......might be fun.
      Eskimo style
      vampire style
      feather kisses
      pecking 
      sucking
      french and then European style...  what styles did I miss???

Take him/her shopping...buy anything edible you are able to use in the bedroom...and NOT chocolate or whipped cream.....things like jam  or eat some diced fruit off her or him....or eat a ring donut off his cock....things like that.....
 Buy some nice undies for him or her and make them take them of in a restaurant ....(cloakroom to pass to you when coming back to the table..

KINKY  well  my ideas....
      Figging
      little Sensation play
      Blindfolds and tie-ups
Take him/her shopping to a normal hardware store or a big store like Checkers/Pick&Pay/Hypermarket or Macro. LET them choose something YOU have to use in a creative way on them while playing...LIKE some paper-clamps or heavy duty clamps for nipple or genital play....OR 
      
Or just do something NON sexual...LIKE making an INDOOR picnicking and watch home video`s  or looking at old photos.

Who is willing to try and spice things up a bit????
I will think of my own little NEWBIE Ideas and tell You guys later....
      

@Slartybartflast   I have not read the books nor watched the tv series, sorry to say,  but thanks for sharing.

@bob969   You say????   I would not know about that one!!!!  Just as long as they work ....

Nope never.

@PoohC   Sadly the people (male and female) that really NEED to read or get the needed knowledge on how to attract REAL LIFE connections will never read the Fora`s...

@slenders...  glad to hear that *thunder thighs* does not scare you...Thanks for sharing.

@bob969   LOL  Well Mr Bob....the numbers added might just indicate a 3 some  somewhere along the line.....

Nope,   There is JUST nothing SEXY about a DRUNK person....

@BigGreenEyes   Ma`am  You experience is just what I was talking about!!! Thanks for sharing...I was sitting here thinking *me* really weird (more so than normal) for liking some foot and toe sensations...

@Fantasy2  Thanks for sharing and replying on the Fora...

Okay I found the advert...both of them actually, it is on page 7 under the personals as of this writing, might be back a few slots with new adverts placed, if someone else is wondering.

@PoohC  I hope, by now, you have had a few males and females who has made your playing Daytime, fun...

Oh BOY..........  Now I want to read the ADVERT......  and damn if I Know where to go to read it....HELP.....

@PoohC  You might not believe me BUT your loveys reaction to the toe sucking is VERY common. And I for one will never say you or your wife is wrong, each to their own. That is after all what makes life interesting.

I once overheard someone say that feet are disgusting...why that is I would not really know, okay do not get me wrong, I know MOST people do not really look after their feet properly, they DO NOT clean their toenails like they would do their nails. That is one area that is really a filthy yucky germ area....not to speak of not drying properly between one`s toes... also a yucky thing....but if you really know how neglecting some men who has a foreskin is to cleaning their foreskins...then really..and DO not let me say anything about a belly button......

But if those areas are daily kept clean and special cleaned before play dates, like most people who is into feet and toes does, then I think  if  I have to choose between sucking a toe to oral rimming...I would choose toes.

HECK, just these thoughts makes me glad I am a total Hygienic, neat freak...

I forgot to mention....NOT everyone likes EVERY pair of feet they see,only certain feet or things that triggers the fetish, being it high arches or long toes or short toes and painted toes in a certain colour of nail polish or the shoes someone wears.... every person with a foot fetish will tell you what they like about a certain pair of feet....

I have a new puppy not really a puppy anymore she is now 11 months old....but boy does she have a personality all her own.

I recently noticed a weird thing about her.... Sometimes when I drop my feet from the bed or if I discard my shoes, even when I get out of the shower drying my feet...she rushes to me and tries to rub herself all over my feet, she then proceeds to lick my toes and then proceeds down the whole foot sole  itself, she does get cross when I try to remove my foot/feet  before she feels she is finished grooming me or untill she has had her fill. ( She follows my feet when I try to move them around) I told my lovey that this little girl seems to have a foot fetish...funnily enough she ignores my loveys feet.
Okay, so you guys will say I have smelly feet and that is why she is doing this....WELL THAT is NOT TRUE..... when I noticed this behavior of the pup, ....I let my lovey smell my feet before showering....and let me tell you guys, even if I do not really have a foot fetish..(well maybe a small one) I do look after my feet, this borders on obsessional behavior on my side really, to having clean soft and well groomed feet and hands and nails. It has to do with... while in my youth, when I over heard staff (not only the nurses but the doctors as well) in a hospital theater making fun of a patient who had very bad rough, cracked heels.  I also never have or had  shoes that are smelly. Just so you guys know...sheesh....

 As far as fetishisms and kinks go, a foot fetish is really classic. It’s common enough that most people have heard of it, yet still nice enough for some, that it’s kinky. 
People  automatically assume you're a *freak* because you are into feet. Feet we must remember is one of those body parts with a massive amount of sensory receptors. Just think reflexology.
  
Giving a *foot job* is a thing to learn..as we can't really manipulate things with our feet and toes the same way we do with our hands. We usually don't have that kind of control over our legs, which causes the movements to be sloppy compared to a hand job.
Foot jobs are awesome, but they're not the only thing you can do. You can worship feet, which includes kissing, licking, massaging them, sucking toes, smelling them (if you're into that and like smelly shoes and feet)  In a BDSM set up,it is really a mind game, by rubbing your feet all over someone`s face is a way of humiliation or saying they are beneath you. Or demanding they kiss your feet and lick your boots/shoes. I am NOT talking about some genital play...like stepping on a guys cock and balls, Although I know some men who LOVES being kicked in their genitals.  Playing footsie in a restaurant is usually considered foreplay or sexy...just to name a few.

If you think about it, what is your first reaction if someone starts sucking your toes/kissing your feet??? Or even just rubs his/her feet in your crotch??

@sofistikitty   LOL  eish, seems people will always think of genitals when the word kitty/pussy etc is used..

@Slowvelder69   Now you do have me wondering about the *slow* part of the Lowveld....  

@seeman  I cannot really comment here, as I am Not meeting or even require private mails this time around. BUT I can mention from my previous profile, I received a LOT of mail some really degrading some really charming. I have made a lot of friends and even to this day I remain friends with some couples and singles, and sometimes still meet for a coffee or a nice dinner here at home(with my lovey)

@PoohC  Go right ahead and post all your grievances and advice RIGHT here in the Fora...

I can just think being the only *swinger* in a small town,  how restricting that must be....

@haveusbc    Straight forward as you said. Now I am wondering,do people respond more do you think???

@ redbruce...LMAO...yeah, we all sorta change hair colour EVERYWHERE....We can just be glad we are not *loosing* any hair.......

@PoohC  Man I am surely having a DEAD/DUH brain day!!! (well that is the excuse I am going with anyway, and not just acknowledging to being stupid)  I only know about Winny the Pooh.......so not sure if there is another theme for Pooh-C to have adult conversations too.    So please  do explain/tell,  so I might not be so unenlightened in the future.

@SDM  LOL,  I do remember the *r* as in SDMR before the nick shortening/change.

@SwingerPTA  Eish, must be a letdown if people from PE now thinks you reside in PTA. Bummer.....

@Seeman   Being Afrikaans myself I would never think that your Nick sounds like semen!!! But I can just think....At least South Africans all are/is suppose to being bilingual and should not have the problem...(at least the South Africans willing to acknowledge to KNOWING and understanding Afrikaans.)  I can never UNDERSTAND some English people (born and bred in SA) who says they do not understand Afrikaans.

@SwingerPTA    Hmmm   I know there are ladies on here (part of a couples) who where the one to initiate the idea to their hubby of a third, and later to swing....I also know there is MANY ladies on here who do not even REALISE they are on here!!!!! A lot of Ladies do start out to allow a third to *please* their hubby!! BUT us, who is more experienced upon meeting them immediately picks up on/to this kind of situation!!! (yeah, even some of us, is a lady, joining as a third, it is not always just men)

I do hope your Fora picks up a bit thought.....

I KNOW for a fact, I LOVED to watch 2 men enjoy each other!!!!!

I know somewhere here in the Fora, a few years ago I asked the same question. But as the Fora population is  mostly different I thought to ask again. Why did you choose your Profile nick name?? I find it interesting to think about this.

I kept my Profile Pseudonym since I started joining online activity and different sites namely Pussinboots1 MOST people ALWAYS   think this is a SEXUAL  innuendo and thus was chosen for that reason. BUT they are WRONG...I chose this pseudonym, because I love cats and as a child I read the Charles Perrault book that was about a cat who wore boots!!! WAY WAY before the 2011 Movie was released!!!!!

I even remember, I once joined a site (sorta more vanilla site) who ONCE I completed my info, REFUSED to USE my nick name due to it being too suggestive!!!!!  NEEDLESS to say I wrote back a nasty letter asking them if they NEVER READ the Fairy tale....and tsk...at them...I never did join that site afterwards!

Soooooo   Why did you choose your profile name?????

@SwingerPTA   As you said the topic is mentioned frequently, although it might not be under the same heading as yours.

I know there is a lot of males loving watching their hot lovey enjoying the spoils of a three some....