"Gentleman with hearing aids seeks a woman owning a pair of working batteries....!" 

Pre-owned luxury model with all the extras

Free test drives are now being offered. I come complete with a money back guarantee and an extended service warranty. I am a 40 year old divorced male. I have low mileage and was driven only on Sundays. The standard features: 5'6", 180', black eyes, black hair (okay some grey), athletic build. Dealer options: hair on my head (not on my back), all my teeth, college educated, and fully employed. Additional options include conversational ability and a good sense of humor.

Would I get any response before my chocolate syrup's 'best to use before date' expires?