Looking at my phone too much, hoping to find a reason to stop looking at my phone so much...

I am looking for something with real substance. Something real.

I am:
-serious about adulting, but not a serious adult.
-slightly broken, with a very dark sense of humor and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
-an adventurer with a solid knowledge of how to really live and looking for someone to share it all with.
-a real sailor, which explains my all swearing...

I will probably offend your mother and make your dad laugh.