Listen, I get it. You've scrolled through 47 profiles that all say "hung dominant bull ready to destroy your wife" and you're wondering if anyone on this site actually knows how to use a fork or hold a conversation that doesn't sound like a bad porn script from 2003.

Hi. I'm the guy who shows up on time, brings a decent bottle of wine (not the gas station kind), and remembers your names afterward. I'm the bull who actually reads your entire profile instead of just looking at the photos and sending a "hey" like some kind of caveman with WiFi.

Yes, I'm experienced. Yes, I'm packing. But more importantly, I understand that this is about your fantasy, not my ego. I'm comfortable with him watching, directing, participating, or quietly contemplating his life choices in the corner—whatever your dynamic is, I adapt. I'm clean (tested quarterly because I'm an adult), discreet (your business is your business), and I don't catch feelings like they're Pokémon.

Looking for couples who can laugh between rounds, communicate their boundaries without making it weird, and appreciate a guy who knows when to be dominant and when to just shut up and do what he's told. Let's grab drinks first—if I can't make you both laugh with my clothes on, I probably won't impress you with them off.

@DBoyZA