Forum Virgin
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Hi guys
Iv posted a question on the forum and didn't get much of a response i was told to post my question under here maybe it will get more responses
We are a young couple in our twenties we have been playing around with the idea of another "person(s)"
We would like to know how safe are clubs? How discreet are they? Does our age matter?
We feel we should start with same room sex or kissing i know it seems boring but we are very very new to all of this and would just like advice on how to spice up our sex life or how did you guys start ?
Also if possible at what age did you guys start and how Long did you play around with the idea before you engaged in something?
Thanks
which I assume you are. You will find that largely people look for others that are within 10 years of their own age either way (obviously you can't go very low in your age group though), so you're not very likely to be approached or welcomed by people 40 plus but that might not be a very comfortable setup for you guys either, feeling so new and inexperienced, unless it's a relationship which mentors you somewhat in the lifestyle.
How far you go, isn't a decision, but rather a state you are comfortable with, in the context of WHO you are with and how well you're acquainted, your fetishes, fantasies and so forth. It also doesn't need to be decided up front either. You can simply say "We're really new and we reserve the right to put on the brakes, if we are uncomfortable" - I would start to make friends with people who seem relaxed and open to talk. Most "FULL" swingers are perfectly happy to soft swing, same room etc etc. and you need not feel pressured to change your level of comfort either, when you have more experience. This is about finding activities that please you and spice up your life.... if you just need to go to clubs and WATCH - then that's perfectly fine.
We've been "in it" for about 9 years (with BIG gaps of time of inactivity), I'm 38, my husband is 43. I've met people who only play with their partners and other girls, some who only look for single guys , some singles who only play with couples, some who don't play at all and just chat online and some who only have sex with people they have NEVER met before and have no intention of ever seeing again. I know some who will never shag a stranger, some who are in completely open relationships and have 'playdates' alone without their partner even knowing - for them it's not a requirement, and some who only ever do their thing in the same room together, even if they full swop. Some who only go to clubs, some who are ridiculous about discretion... and some who don't seem to care at all if their mother knows... everyone is different and it's ALL GOOD!
It took me 4 years to agree to my husband's first wild fantasy (a form of cuckoldry), despite the fact that I'm a very open and sexually liberated person.
The key is - don't rush. EVER. Don't do anything you haven't discussed to death between the two of you.
Ensure neither of you ever "takes on for the team" - NOTHING you do must ever have the slightest chance of making either of you resent the other. Read all the sticky threads in "anything goes".
Have a secret "back out" signal and standard procedure for dealing with new meets - If we meet a couple socially - we will squeeze the other's hand once if say I'm "in favour", twice for "definite no" - if one squeezes the other and the squeeze receiver is undecided, we don't respond at all, so the squeezer waits until they get a response. If one of us does the double squeeze at any point, we close down the meet and leave - even if the other was "in favour" of proceeding. No exceptions.
We have a process, if one of us starts a connection online, we follow through on our own connections. (Ie. if I start chatting, M doesn't take over the conversation, he might chirp, but he always signs the message so they know it's not me - and vice versa), once contact is made we give each other a chance to vet the connection before we proceed to chat, we ask for face pics (usually on-site), move to email, once we know enough about them, we can or phone, but we NEVER hand out personal details until this process is followed (we have a generic swinging email addy for discretion).
First meet is ALWAYS social, even if we decide to proceed on the same day - we NEVER promise anything more because both of us have to be "in favour" to proceed. There are now (years on) exceptions, where one of us is pursuing a fantasy that isn't really the other's thing, where our requirements for our fantasy carry more weight in the decision... for example, my husband would love to have an interacial experience, but I really honestly don't give a fig what colour a person's skin - I actually think it's a bit silly 
to think anything about an experience will be affected in anyway by the packaging the people come in - but hey it's not my fantasy... so he gets two votes to my one in that case :) because she's got to be hot to him ...
Anyway, I hope my little essay has helped you in some way... feel free to contact me for more specific stuff but I think it will be useful to all to see your questions and answers here on the forum :)
Have a SWINGING time on SH!! Welcome to the forums too, keep coming back please :)
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Take you age divide it by 2 and add 7=the permissible age of the chicks you should date
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