When you first start out in swinging, then you may find that you become jealous of your partner during or after the experience. Is this normal to feel like this? Or to not feel jealous at all?
If you've taken your time to discuss your swinging desires, then you may never have to deal with this. But it's best you know a little either way.
Talking it out
The easiest rule to jealousy in swinging is to talk about it. As soon as you begin to feel the jealousy, you want to sit down with your partner and talk about what concerns you. Many times, one person in the relationship feels jealous because the other 'did more' than they did. And it's not a competition, but you might feel that your partner and whomever they were swinging with suddenly have a deeper connection.
A lot of times, jealousy also happens because the relationship was shaky to begin with. If you and your partner are having a lot of fights, or just aren't communicating well, then you have to be careful. If you have a moment of feeling jealous, sit down with your partner and discuss EXACTLY what made you uncomfortable. Maybe it will just take changing your personal rules for each other to help with the feelings of jealousy.
Some couple save kissing for just each other and won't allow it between their partner and someone else. This is just one of many ideas to show commitment to each other. But when you stop to think about it, you and your partner are always leaving to go home with each other, even after a wild and exciting sexual experience with someone else. Some couples find that they become even more confident in their relationship.
Of course, it should go without saying that agreeing completely into trying swinging is a prerequisite to swinging. If one partner wasn't too keen in the first place, then you may find that accusations and jealousy pop up a lot more.
Talk the possibility of this out before you even start swinging.
Why you might not feel jealous
Swinging is just so amazing that you may not even feel jealous. And that's okay too. Some experienced swingers feel that their relationship is enhanced by the swinging extras. Knowing that they can share something sexual with another person or another couple can lead to greater intimacy and communication in other areas as well.
So a lot of couples just don't feel jealous. It's actually quite erotic to watch your partner be pleased by someone else or pleasure someone other than yourself. Trust me.
You may also have such a strong relationship already that swinging is just another adventure that you're going on. And there's not a smidge of jealousy because you both wanted to try swinging out anyways.
Swinging is an eye-opening (amongst other things) experience that can show you the strengths as well as the flaws in your current relationship. In most cases, however, swinging is a positive experience that will enrich a relationship as well as your sexual experience.
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Dealing with Jealousy When Swinging
Very good information for anyone stepping out into the world of swing.
Even for the *golden-oldies* of swing, it is a nice *refresher*cause even the old swinger couples sometimes have the little green monster present, some where, at some time.
Golden RULE...communication!!! Always !!! Should actually be the number ONE rule before any other rules.
Thank you for posting!.
We are new to the couple scenes- we had our first encounter, which did not go too well, and I don't know if I am over sensitive or plain jealous, and nowhere on this site can I find my answer.
We met the couple at their home, I (lady partners) was not happy with what I saw, everything was not right, I told my partner so, but it was too late to turn around they already opened the gate. We went in had a chat to them and off we went to bed, only touching on the ground rules, which was not how I wanted the whole thing to start off as it was more eagerness from the men side. From the beginning the guy couldn't get it up, his foreplay was suck with his wife not that I judge as they are still young. He took such a lot of funny stuff to make him hard it all backfired. Needless to say then him and my man had an agreement to swop partners, but my man could stay rock hard and he couldn't get it up not even with foreplay with me or me touching I don't know if it was nervousness or what I tried to help but he was just not coming up. So he left the room while my man was enjoying himself so much and she too. After the 3rd time he walked out of the room I got concern and jealous I suppose, my man wanted to go on but I asked him to stop as the other man is not getting it up and it might become a problem, so he did stop. Was I wrong in doing so?
After we left he tried to convince us to turn around as he is now hard and up and going. We did not turn around. My man talked them asking them how it was, and they said great, they wanted to do it again, but in the other man's chatting I could pick up that it knocked him very hard. He wanted my man's advise and how to stay rock hard. Then over the weekend I saw the jealousy coming out on the other guys side by saying she don't want him, he felt guilty because he could not please me and kept on saying sorry over bbm. although we said it is okay. But she is telling me a different story, that she is not keeping him away, now who do we believe? When I found out that she wanted to come to our place over the weekend after we agreed to meet maybe once a month.
I immediately start to turn on my six sense, which tells me she actually fell for my husband and I get the feeling as he is trying to convince me to go back that he fell for her too! am I over sensitive or plain jealous? I don't know if it is my overactive mind or what but I feel we are playing with the wrong couple, as there are too much personal feelings involved.
Can someone tell me if I am overreacting or is it normal?
@ Joyrider..
This doesn't look like a win win situation - it's possible that this can backfire.
Step back and test the situation to your ground rules and your motives of being in the lifestyle - if it doesn't work out - rather bow out gallantly.
(Repost from "Anything Goes")
Above posts - great advice & comments!
No you're definitely not over reacting... You may be reading into it. But if you didn't feel comfortable from the moment you arrived I would say trust your instincts.
Was this your VERY first meet with this couple? I hope not.
Personally we would meet as many couples socially as we possibly could (if they were willing and met our requirements), but only proceed to meeting that way once we had both had a chance to think them over and give each other a decision on whether we both liked them both. It's not good enough if either of us liked only one of the others. Both of us have to like both of them, as people. Enjoy their company.
Then we would go play, but certainly your story seems like there was a bit of a rush to get "to the point" on the night which certainly could have given most "newbie" and young swingers 'stage fright' and the reaction was probably simply nerves.
Regarding your husband wanting to return: he could just as easily have been concerned because you didn't get anything out of the evening and he wants you to. So always weigh both sides of the possibilities when thinking on these things.
Regarding the bbm-ing after - you should be careful not to let other couples involve you in their personal relationship, as tempting as this might be. Or the other way around for that matter.
I suggest actually sitting down with your husband, explaining how you feel and try to be clear but firm about how you feel now, what was wrong - right from when you arrived- how his not taking your concerns seriously would make you feel uncomfortable; that you NEED to be certain that regardless of where or with whom you guys might be, you are his FIRST priority and keeping you safe and comfortable and certain, is the only way you can be secure enough to participate in this lifestyle. Then you need to tell him what you want out of the experience and how he can ensure you do get what you want, and how to protect you if you are not happy in a situation.
We always figure out signals before hand for each other - not always the same - to indicate if we are feeling unhappy or uncomfortable or if one of us wants to leave. And our commitment to each other is to honour the other persons signals regardless of how we might feel or what we might want.
This seems to be a good system. And you don't cause any offence for the other people simply making your excuses, you can leave.
Was this your VERY first meet with this couple? I hope not.
Personally we would meet as many couples socially as we possibly could (if they were willing and met our requirements), but only proceed to meeting that way once we had both had a chance to think them over and give each other a decision on whether we both liked them both. It's not good enough if either of us liked only one of the others. Both of us have to like both of them, as people. Enjoy their company.
Then we would go play, but certainly your story seems like there was a bit of a rush to get "to the point" on the night which certainly could have given most "newbie" and young swingers 'stage fright' and the reaction was probably simply nerves.
Regarding your husband wanting to return: he could just as easily have been concerned because you didn't get anything out of the evening and he wants you to. So always weigh both sides of the possibilities when thinking on these things.
Regarding the bbm-ing after - you should be careful not to let other couples involve you in their personal relationship, as tempting as this might be. Or the other way around for that matter.
I suggest actually sitting down with your husband, explaining how you feel and try to be clear but firm about how you feel now, what was wrong - right from when you arrived- how his not taking your concerns seriously would make you feel uncomfortable; that you NEED to be certain that regardless of where or with whom you guys might be, you are his FIRST priority and keeping you safe and comfortable and certain, is the only way you can be secure enough to participate in this lifestyle. Then you need to tell him what you want out of the experience and how he can ensure you do get what you want, and how to protect you if you are not happy in a situation.
We always figure out signals before hand for each other - not always the same - to indicate if we are feeling unhappy or uncomfortable or if one of us wants to leave. And our commitment to each other is to honour the other persons signals regardless of how we might feel or what we might want.
This seems to be a good system. And you don't cause any offence for the other people simply making your excuses, you can leave.
