Us humans will always have wants, needs, desires and expectations, some of which will come to fruition and some that won't.
As it turns out, I'm not alone when it comes to expecting things and being disappointed when I don't get what I want. Astonishing, isn't it ?
Anyone who's ever felt the same way, wiggle your pinkie finger @ me now!
Hm, why do I KNOW you'd just as easily as me lay a wager on our expectations being the root cause of most unhappiness?
Feel free to say it isn't so if I'm being presumptuous.
In my experience, there are various types of expectations – from expecting love, respect, dignity, and justice, to expecting people to do certain things for you whether they like it or not, treat you like a prince/princess, spend more time with you than their friends, come home on time, buy you gifts, etc.
But here's the thing. I'm not saying any of these are good or bad.
They just are what they are and will affect your mojo as much as you let them.
It's when some expectations start affecting the quality of your daily life experiences and relationships and lead to disappointment, anger, insecurity, fear, grief, frustration, doubt and worry, that you might want to step back and ask yourself a few questions.
If you don't want to spend a lot of time in the cesspool of blame and disappointment, that is.
Questions that might go somewhat like:
Am I expecting too much from others?
WHY do I need that (from them)?
What am I asking others for that I'm not giving to myself?
What do I really want that's behind these wants? I.e, do I want to be heard, loved, seen, respected, nurtured, validated?
Recognize the desire beneath the want. Then decide if it's a non-negotiable or a whim.
What next? How can you go about learning to *manage* your expectations (and should you even do that?).
Call it acknowledging, changing, re-framing, or anything you like but know that you create your own reality and can choose to expect with attachment or detachment – that will be a big factor in how you ultimately experience it.
And while I`m at it,
1) Realize that no matter who you are, NO one owes you anything.
Yes, it's bloody fantastic when people meet our expectations, just be aware that it won't happen all the time and neither is that healthy.
If you always got what you wanted, then what about others' wants that might clash with yours?
And where would your learning come from?
2) Make it a preference instead of a need.
Preference = unattached to outcome. Need = attached to outcome.
When there is a preference you would like something to be a certain way but regardless, your happiness doesn't depend on it.
When you *need* something, you're creating and focusing on the lack around you and letting it control your happy button.
I am still battling the need and the expectations in my life.
I never said It will be easy and over when you do choose .....to me it is something continuous.
Like an infinity symbol,never ending.
What role do expectations play in YOUR life?
Was there a time you successfully changed an expectation that was keeping you stuck and what was the result?
Looking forward to hearing your insights and experiences
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Thoughts on Wants and Needs *late night musings*.
Whether you like Bill Gates or not...this is pretty cool. Here's some advice Bill Gates recently dished out
at a high school speech about 11 things they did not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good,
politically correct teaching has created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how
this concept sets them up for failure in the real world.
RULE 1
Life is not fair - get used to it.
RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish
something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
RULE 3
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school.
You won't be a vice president with car phone, until you earn both.
RULE 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
RULE 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different
word for burger flipping they called it Opportunity.
RULE 6
If you mess up,it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes,
learn from them.
RULE 7
Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.
They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and
listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest
from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
RULE 8
Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some
schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many times as
you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
RULE 9
Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in
helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.
RULE 10
Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
RULE 11
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
at a high school speech about 11 things they did not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good,
politically correct teaching has created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how
this concept sets them up for failure in the real world.
RULE 1
Life is not fair - get used to it.
RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish
something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
RULE 3
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school.
You won't be a vice president with car phone, until you earn both.
RULE 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
RULE 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different
word for burger flipping they called it Opportunity.
RULE 6
If you mess up,it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes,
learn from them.
RULE 7
Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.
They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and
listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest
from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
RULE 8
Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some
schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many times as
you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
RULE 9
Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in
helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.
RULE 10
Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
RULE 11
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
