The good old days ... sadly are gone

So never thought we'll rant about the good old days at 40 , but here we are ....

This life used to be "easy". Many of our interactions in the early days went something like : hey , hey , like your profile , thanks we like yours , meet for a drink ? , sure , and you meet. That meeting 8 out of 10 times ment coming home with your underwear in your pocket. Was fun right ?

These days it's months of questioning, Group chats , pictures sharing , phone sex , maybe a call or 2 , scheduling and rescheduling meetings, and eventually you might meet 2 out of 10 people that contacted you , and after you become the very best of friends you might play , or realize you don't want to play because you " value" the friendship too much .

Guys let's face it meeting someone is expensive , more so if you have to travel. Why make contact with someone if you can't meet . Why make contact kilos away if you can't travel or host ?

For us it's easy , we would like a face to face as soon as possible, even n video chat . And then we would like to meet , because that's the point . Meeting people , and if compatible having fun .

These days it's just not what it used to be ... and we can promise you , if you are wondering... meeting and playing is much more fun than sharing pictures and compliments on a group chat for 3 years

Quote by daphil

So never thought we'll rant about the good old days at 40 , but here we are ....

This life used to be "easy". Many of our interactions in the early days went something like : hey , hey , like your profile , thanks we like yours , meet for a drink ? , sure , and you meet. That meeting 8 out of 10 times ment coming home with your underwear in your pocket. Was fun right ?

These days it's months of questioning, Group chats , pictures sharing , phone sex , maybe a call or 2 , scheduling and rescheduling meetings, and eventually you might meet 2 out of 10 people that contacted you , and after you become the very best of friends you might play , or realize you don't want to play because you " value" the friendship too much .

Guys let's face it meeting someone is expensive , more so if you have to travel. Why make contact with someone if you can't meet . Why make contact kilos away if you can't travel or host ?

For us it's easy , we would like a face to face as soon as possible, even n video chat . And then we would like to meet , because that's the point . Meeting people , and if compatible having fun .

These days it's just not what it used to be ... and we can promise you , if you are wondering... meeting and playing is much more fun than sharing pictures and compliments on a group chat for 3 years

I agree with you 100% Daphil, it was much easier way before , now days you are lucky if you get to meet 1 in 25 for coffee or face to face

Quote by daphil

So never thought we'll rant about the good old days at 40 , but here we are ....

This life used to be "easy". Many of our interactions in the early days went something like : hey , hey , like your profile , thanks we like yours , meet for a drink ? , sure , and you meet. That meeting 8 out of 10 times ment coming home with your underwear in your pocket. Was fun right ?

These days it's months of questioning, Group chats , pictures sharing , phone sex , maybe a call or 2 , scheduling and rescheduling meetings, and eventually you might meet 2 out of 10 people that contacted you , and after you become the very best of friends you might play , or realize you don't want to play because you " value" the friendship too much .

Guys let's face it meeting someone is expensive , more so if you have to travel. Why make contact with someone if you can't meet . Why make contact kilos away if you can't travel or host ?

For us it's easy , we would like a face to face as soon as possible, even n video chat . And then we would like to meet , because that's the point . Meeting people , and if compatible having fun .

These days it's just not what it used to be ... and we can promise you , if you are wondering... meeting and playing is much more fun than sharing pictures and compliments on a group chat for 3 years

We agree 100%. The lifestyle has gone very soft.

Thing is, promiscuity, lots of sex and lots of partners, while certainly fun and exciting, isn't swinging lifestyle. Its just being promiscuious, something any vanilla can do and many of them do.

You can be totally vanilla and have sex with somebody new everyday, still wouldnt mean you into swinging lifestyle.

Key word is 'lifestyle' i.e more to it than just sex. In fact, it doesnt even need humping involved at all to be lifestyle.

If humping was swinging, then every cheater, prostitute, pornstar, gigalo, player, sexpest and more would all be swingers, which is most definitely not the case.

I am going to respectfully disagree, swinging is about sharing specifically sexually . There is no denying that .

Quote by Katznbunnies

Thing is, promiscuity, lots of sex and lots of partners, while certainly fun and exciting, isn't swinging lifestyle. Its just being promiscuious, something any vanilla can do and many of them do.

You can be totally vanilla and have sex with somebody new everyday, still wouldnt mean you into swinging lifestyle.

Key word is 'lifestyle' i.e more to it than just sex. In fact, it doesnt even need humping involved at all to be lifestyle.

If humping was swinging, then every cheater, prostitute, pornstar, gigalo, player, sexpest and more would all be swingers, which is most definitely not the case.

Absolutely nailed it on the head!!!! So happy you managed to succinctly put it . Cheers

Quote by daphil

So never thought we'll rant about the good old days at 40 , but here we are ....

This life used to be "easy". Many of our interactions in the early days went something like : hey , hey , like your profile , thanks we like yours , meet for a drink ? , sure , and you meet. That meeting 8 out of 10 times ment coming home with your underwear in your pocket. Was fun right ?

These days it's months of questioning, Group chats , pictures sharing , phone sex , maybe a call or 2 , scheduling and rescheduling meetings, and eventually you might meet 2 out of 10 people that contacted you , and after you become the very best of friends you might play , or realize you don't want to play because you " value" the friendship too much .

Guys let's face it meeting someone is expensive , more so if you have to travel. Why make contact with someone if you can't meet . Why make contact kilos away if you can't travel or host ?

For us it's easy , we would like a face to face as soon as possible, even n video chat . And then we would like to meet , because that's the point . Meeting people , and if compatible having fun .

These days it's just not what it used to be ... and we can promise you , if you are wondering... meeting and playing is much more fun than sharing pictures and compliments on a group chat for 3 years

😎😎😎...the good old days...now at my age i remember the way it was....sase..with some photos...a letter and a land line number.🤣🤣and a chat to arrange a meet and off you went. There were way more meets because those letters sent and received were almost always replied to....because people were in the lifestyle in the real sense of the way.

Im always left scratching my head by the complaints of issues with no-one meeting.

We live in sleeping hollow Durbs and have no issues meeting new people regularly.

Maybe time for some to have a think about approach and what sort of people attracting?

If what people are looking for is the sort of thing could find easily on other sights if willing to pay for the service and simply here thinking a spot to get it for free, Ive got some news for them... "You are NOT a swinger", they are just promiscuous people trying to find literally 'cheap' thrills rather than go pay for it on those other sites.

Alot of good people unfortunately niaively on that frame of mind thanks to how sex is represented everywhere you look, even everyday TV ads, as nothing but a commodity. Sadly very easy to fall into negative perspectives and expectations and approaches without even realising it and not realise where actual problem lies, thinking its everyone else.

Quote by Katznbunnies
sort

I dont know hey, we're on other pay sites and pay on this one and have had people make arrangements and dont pitch for their appointments , I think the quality of peoples honour has changed drastically in the last 15 years.

Quote by Mattnels71

I dont know hey, we're on other pay sites and pay on this one and have had people make arrangements and dont pitch for their appointments , I think the quality of peoples honour has changed drastically in the last 15 years.

You just proving my point with your response tbf.

Paying the tiny subscription fee here is a fraction of the cost of paying for sex, the thrill, as a product we see on the sites Im referring to.

The good people are still there, it hasnt changed, the sites are just more popular and oft not for good reasons, thanks to impact of hollywood etc glorifying sex as a product to obtain, not a connection to be made.

Folks who are complaining need to take time for a bit of introspection is all Im saying, cant just blame everyone and everything else. Have a thought, reflection on your own approaches, the fact that so many people are finding it easy to meet, make connections and friendships regularly should at the very least be some food for thought.

I agree with Daphil,back in 2011 when I joined the rooms were always vibing,people made an effort,

Nowadays,I need to fill in a University application,I have to sooth,unstress,guide,help and hold hands,

I need to have a glowing reccomendation more diverse than my actually Cv,I have to explain and curate an encyclopedia's worth of memories and experiences,I need to smooth talk daddy because he has insecurities about mommy,

And the best part of it all,I have to know my place and worth because me fucking someone's wife is God's greatest luck and I should worship that couple for that to happen.

So I disagree with you saying change your approach , I think couples are here for sexual pleasures,thats swinging,if you want to have naked braais,and talking about kids and sport days,go and enjoy a weekend at n nudist resort,

But assuming couples does one a favour,please...get of your high horse,I enjoy a fair bit of sexual pleasures,but in no shape form or size am I a cuck that needs to worship the ground some of our "swingers" walk on.

Dont even get me started on the absolute bullshit couples demand ,If I cant join them on their schedule,on their time,then I am just like the rest and my word means nothing,although I say beforehand this time doesnt suit me,and no I want drive 8 o clock to n pub for a random beer because you are horny at that moment.

This isnt directed at you Katz,just a rant about the current experiences.

That you think "sex is swinging" is why I say you need rethink your approach.

Paganism/hedonism is not swinging. More than welcome to enjoy and seek out othwr hedonistic lifestyler, but stop complaining about the actual swingers on a swingers site.

At the core of swinging is an open relationship, a relationship with someone, always boggles my mind the dramas single men bring with demands and expectations, when really have no clue what they talking about and very much do great jobs showing the poor attitudes many try explain, but cant see forest for the trees.

Honestly I thought maybe I shouldn't reply. But it's getting clear that you think " swinging is not sex" ?

Swinging is the swapping of wives for sex ... full stop . Look it up .

The lifestyle as we call it is a term that includes single males and unicorns... buy still for SEX !

Yes we build friendships and have good times that doesn't involve sex , but it all still at the essence is about sex .

We can argue for days about what the lifestyle means to us individually, but it doesn't change the definition, and what it means to you doesn't automatically become the definition everyone should adopt.

Quote by daphil

"We can argue for days about what the lifestyle means to us individually"

And that sums it all up.

Those "couples" with opinions about single players are usually the first to create a single profile should their current relationship end.

Quote by SDM

And that sums it all up.

Those "couples" with opinions about single players are usually the first to create a single profile should their current relationship end.

What are you even trying to say. Point of putting couples in " " there? So they werent a real couple then? Kinda the point no? Wasnt an open relationship, but a collapsing one instead.

@Daphil. Having open relationship isnt the same thing as chasing all the sex you can find to satisfy whatevers missing at home is the point is what seems to be getting missed. Complaining that strangers wony pomp you after a coffee or some drinks at a club, which has become a proper theme on SH unfortunately, tells a clear story that many do not understand what swinging is vs hedonism, that swinging while open to sex, isnt about chasing all the tail you can find cause you in a 'open relationship'.

Open relationship and searching/wanting an open buffet of all the sex you can find with someone who isnt your partner is not the same thing and what I refer to as swinging not being about the sex, specifically, about the hump. You've even contradicted yourself in your own lastest post saying even talking about sex, those sorts of friendships, its still about sex, but you started this complaining about exactly that, that talking etc isnt sex🤷‍♂️

I think you completely missed the point of the original post , and is probably skip reading? But great glad you have your fun your way , good for you

I couldn't agree more, the lifestyle is about sex and swopping. When we used to go to the clubs in the old days, we would chat to a guy for a short while, mostly to establish the rules and then go to a room. Sometimes it would happen several times in a night. On a site, you have to pull teeth to get a meet and you get action only three or four times a year.

Mostly talkers on this site.

We tend to also think the good old days is gone yes but to be fair the cost of living has gone sky high maybe its not that lifestylers or some of them are just not chilling these day all work no play we as a couple like a party can be a club or a small private party a small group most of the times is lots of fun we like to call it is a party and not a play we never make play arrangements a party nice music sexyness of dancing and we know something can happen there to call it a play you feel pressured if something happens naturally its awesome .To the point of in our town Pretoria nothing happening here anymore looks like we need to travel but we decided not to travel couple years ago reason is we have a child at home and with work and family responsibility its time consuming maybe one day we will travel again but yes things have change after covid by the looks of it

Yes fully agree with your post , one never arrange playdates before hand , that takes alot away from it and does get boring .

And life is expensive, so is traveling and meeting. But these days it the trend is that you spend all that effort, planning , traveling and money to meet someone who actually doesn't have any intention of ever playing. For many it's thrilling just talking about the possibility, or sharing media. It's those that would never know what it's truly like behind the curtain

The good old days are not gone...they just changed.

I think there are a lot of factors to consider regarding this...all of it having to do with how the world has changed.

That doesn't mean people don't still have fun though. Jay and I still have a lot of fun, even though our schedules don't really permit it as much as it used to anymore.

1. People changed...that means we as well as those who lead the way.

2. The platforms & technology where people are active, changed.

3. Culture & Society changed.

1. How People Changed

One thing that has remained constant on these platforms, is that a majority of new profiles (I would say 90%) are usually set up by men who have convinced their wives that having a threesome will spice up their wobbly marriage. They then sign up to these platforms and the men go on the hunt for girls they'd like to sleep with. These men usually tend to look at younger women.

When Jay and I signed up on this platform I was 19 years old and a lingerie model. In our case, it was mainly driven by me with Jay supporting my high sexual drive. I was on a journey, greatly inspired by the Emmanuelle series (which I kind of still am), and Jay has been there with me every step of the way. Anyways, I got thousands of direct messages here and in the chat room. (Needless to say that I shot down a vast majority of them, because they were either rude or just down-right vulgar, or wanting me to play alone and feed their fantasy.)

While I still get a lot of DM's, I'm no longer the 19-year old I was back then. As such, the general demography that used to "target" me has shrunk significantly. (Even though the unsolicited dick-pick thing still hasn't changed. Seriously, what is with that?! 😂🤣)

Back then, I also had a lot of university friends, and playtimes were ample. Jay would often find himself waking up in a bed with me and up to 3 other girls, not knowing if we were in Bloemfontein or Klerksdorp. 🤣They have since, all gone on to graduate, taken up careers, got married, got kids and most of them now are no longer as adventurous as they used to be back then.

Back then, Jay was a corporate executive and I was a student...we had lots of time! Now, Jay and I run 4 companies together...we have significantly less time. 😅

Also, as a student, I did not care who knew what my lifestyle was...now I have very powerful clients -some of whom are quite conservative -and I do need to exercise a bit of caution.

The point is, that as you grow older, your life will change and you will change...along with most of the people who are interested in you.

Read on though, there is light at the end of the tunnel. 😅

About 2 years into our journey, Jay introduced me to a friend of his who was a much respected owner of a series of strip clubs, and also hosted swingers parties. I remember my first impression of this man and his wife, being that they really knew what they were doing and that they were in control of things.

Most of these kinds of trailblazers (even though just 9 years ago) have since passed away, or "retired" from the lifestyle. As such, those who showed the way, have also changed.

2. How the platforms have changed.

Back when we started, Mxit was dying and WhatsApp wasn't nearly as popular or advanced as it is today. Facebook was pretty much the only social platform, and because it disallowed almost anything not in line with their conservative views, people flocked to sites like SH. That is why you would have been able to get hookups much easier then than now. Think of it like old TV shows. Everyone watched them, because the options were limited.

Nowadays, platforms like Twitter (or X) have become the mainstream for people in alternative lifestyles -which includes Swinging and Polyamory. They are not nearly as nice as SH, but the changes in platform preferences, have made life a lot faster in just the last 11 years. Also, with all the horror stories you hear about people sharing nudes they get, apps like Snapchat has become the safer alternative for sharing sensitive media with people you don't know.

3. How culture & society has changed

Even though just 11 years ago, a lot has changed in the culture of sexual adventure. I had read the Fifty Shades of Grey book and was waiting for the movie. (The movie was an absolute disappointment to me...oh and as far as books go, Red Phoenix's work is still the best!)

Back then, the culture of Swinging life was still pretty solid. In the last 11 years, I saw how more and more fetishes became prominent, leading to entire avenues of their own. For example, back when I started my journey as a sub, spanking was part of the package...today, spanking/whipping/belting is an entire genre all on its own. As such, you see a lot of people move away from the mainstream genre of Swinging and going into their respective fields of fetishes. (I.e. Smaller more intensified and specialized groups...enter platforms like Fetlife.)

Furthermore, society, has seen a massive clash between the woke and conservative views in life. This has resulted in massive polarization with more people moving to one side or the other. I personally don't agree with 80% of the woke views, but I will also never be able to adhere to the notions against liberation such as sexual freedom and promiscuity. Unfortunately, society as a whole has seen people choose one or the other, in its entirety.

Summary

Whether it be a Pub, a Company, a Town or a Swinger's haven...times and people will change...this is inevitable.

DON't GIVE UP! The good times don't need to be over.

The following quote is famously attributed to Charles Darwin: "There are those who hold it that the success of a species lies in it's strength and others who counter it is in its intelligence. I propose that the success of a species lies in neither of these, but in its ability to adapt."

A. Start looking wider

This platform -like everything else in life -too, has changed. There are still a lot of good people on here that really want to play, but make peace with the fact that you might have to look elsewhere...in real life around you.

Use Twitter, explore the world of Adult Entertainment, you will be surprised how many performers there are from South Africa...who all wish to explore. Invite them to view your profile on SH and to open up their own. Stop waiting for Felicity Admin to attract people here...if you are part of this community, and you want it to thrive, you also have an obligation to help it grow. 😊

Examples:

Jay and I have taken quite a fancy in a girl who works out in gym at the same time as we do. We started befriending her, and learned that she has a boyfriend...and that she and her boyfriend have been wanting to explore the lifestyle, but didn't know where to start.

We went to a nude beach and were the only couple there when another couple walked by. We befriended them.

Etc. etc. etc.

C. Use the available avenues

There are a number of people who are running venues and events on SH. Whilst it is true that the lockdown destroyed a lot of this, those that remain, work hard to keep it alive. Attend these events and get to know those who really want to hook up.

B. Look for quality instead of quantity

The first girl we met here on SH became one of our best friends ever. She in turn, saw that I loved doing video streams in the chat, and convinced me to start doing it elsewhere for an income. While I'm still running my company, the other avenue has opened up an amazing world of experience for us -including meeting some great people -and boosted my income tenfold at the same time.

The first guy we met here on SH (he recently commented on one of my photos) became my long-term dedicated bull for 3 years, until we moved away. He is still one of our best friends.

One of the couples we met on here, also became great friends of ours.

Having people you get to know and trust, will always ensure much more playtime than quick a swing-by with a couple of strangers...and these people might know other people who know other people...and that is when you might just find yourself in the greatest Swingers Party you have ever attended. 😉

The good times ain't over by a long-shot!