1. Vocalize your enjoyment! Listening to a woman bellow in ecstasy 'I'm … COOOOOOOMING!' is as good, if not better, than the sex itself.
2. ... but don't forget that other people in house/apartment nearby will hear you, especially if he is awkward about that sort of thing.
3. NO. TEETH. (What are you, eighteen? You should know that by now, really.)
4. Offering to let him come on your face will make his friggin' day. If that's too porn-y for you, let him come on your chest instead.
5. That slow, gentle, tender sex you're having? It's probably for your benefit, not his. 'Guys love the express train 90 percent of the time, so get off the local!' Maybe just be clear that there should be a fast sex/slow sex balance in the relationship, lest he think you like the jackhammering as much as he does.
6. Men don't only love penis massages—they love back and shoulder massages, too. Making him come then rolling him over and mounting his butt to administer a back massage is a lovely way to bring on A Post-Coital Man Nap.
7. Wait to hop in the shower and wash all that dirty, dirty sex off. 'Come back to bed after you're done warding off a UTI in the loo when we're finished—there's nothing like savoring the moment.' Aww, they get lonely when we leave them in bed by themselves!
8. Boys have nipples, too, and sometimes, they can be very sensitive. His junk isn't the only place he wants you to kiss!
9. Assume your guy's anus is feeling neglected, too. 'Don't forget that some guys like a pinkie in the ass.' He just might be too embarrassed to ask for it, so let your fingers wander and see what happens.
10. Get out of the bedroom. 'Women forget to have sex anywhere other than in bed without guidance.' I think this means he likes to do it in the shower?
Joyrider
Enjoying the RIDE
Thats good to kwow that they sometimes think aboout it, we van also start to put some topic on the list and can be of some guidance.
Sexy clothes can trigger your mind, to tear clothes from someones body
If you wrote this in jest, you certainly managed to make us laugh!
If not, here's our opinion:
1. Mr Nawty says: he loves noisy sex too, however, noise without sex would be pointless. Mrs Cat says: Really? Me just bellowing "I'm … COOOOOOOMING" is better than sex? How sad......As I receive my gratification by providing others with ultimate pleasure, I have couriered a recording of me bellowing for your enjoyment.
2. Huh?
3. Mr Nawty says: he insists that his women have a full set of pearly whites. Mrs Cat kindly suggests that you choose partners with dentures, if "no teeth" is your preference The occasional nibble on the right spot is a BIG turn on for many men (and women)!
4. Mr Nawty says: The "glazed doughnut look" has never excited him in any way. Shooting a full load straight down a willing throat is what makes his friggin day. Mrs Cat says: How often have you enjoyed a face-full of sticky manly cum??? I'd like to see you take your condom off fast enough to cum anywhere close to my face/chest.....
5. Mr Nawty says: As much as Mrs Cat loves jack-hammering, he prefers to extend the pleasure with a variety of pace. Mrs Cat says: you clearly don't really like the sex part.....refer point 1 for your alternative
6. Mr Nawty says: If she has the energy to give me a back/shoulder massage after sex, I have clearly failed and don't deserve a nap! Mrs Cat says: how about listening to me bellow in your massage chair and voila, enjoy your nap!
7. Mr Nawty says: Huh? We shower together....it's just sexier that way. Mrs Cat says: Um um....aren't you napping???
8. Mr Nawty says: How about starting the kissing on my lips and take it from there? Mrs Cat says: Only junk and nipples to be kissed? And this holds true for ALL men?????
9. Mr Nawty says: My anus does occasionally enjoy some attention, however, a simple verbal cue is always preferred over an errant and unexpected insertion. Mrs Cat says: If he's too embarrassed to ask, I am too embarrassed to try!
10. Mr Nawty says: Really? My lady friends love having sex in all sorts of venues, more often than not, suggested by them. Mrs Cat says: I would not have sex with "this guy" anywhere so maybe he should cherish the woman who wants to have sex with him in the bedroom....
Ok so I thought it best not to point out the rampant assumptions, roaring sexism, chauvinism and bizarre weirdness of these statements because, like you I could n8t figure out if it was a joke or someone who really has no clue how to actually do this sex thing.
It's safer for all concerned if I keep my mouth shut in these situations because I tend to become seriously unfiltered and Very acidic when I do comment.
I am so glad you did. I can't begin to tell you how completely bizarre I found this list of things we 'forget to do during sex'
Coz of course women are completely incapable of figuring how to do sex by themselves.
I would like to state very clearly that:
1. Not all men want to hear yowling and bellowing and I guarantee if the noise is better than the sex then it really isn't sex. On no planet, with any partner should the noise satisfy you more than the sex.... if it does, then my friend, you have a VERY serious porn addiction and you need to see someone professional for that problem. Now!
2. Either you want her to bellow or you don't make up your mind.
3. Teeth play a VERY important role in eroticism (which clearly isn't' the author's thing ) Real men know how to make love but I can see how teeth might get in your way if you just want to ram it it over and over as fast as possible. I also guarantee that if this is your only mode, apparently it's very important that we put your need for instant gratification ahead of our need for lack of pain, the only bellowing you will hear from her is the screams of agony. But then maybe that's your thing.
4. Dude if you want to cum on my face, or chest.... yeah there is that porn addiction rearing it's ugly head again.... well here, have a plastic sex doll, apparently this is more your style. I am not a fucking toy. I don't enjoy being treated like one either.
5. Well I think I've covered this point already but I think I should add that EVERY guy I have ever treated to the privilege of having sex with me has been awe struck by the awesomeness of the savored and enjoyed version of sex that I offer (which is not without its jackhammer moments I might add). Dude have you never heard of Tantra? The benefits of slowing down are not only widely known but scientifically proven. What cave have you been living in?
6. Can anyone say "selfish arsehole"? A massage? After you have just jackhammered me for 40 seconds, til I screamed with pain and then covered me with your express delivery cum. Now you want a massage? Huh! Fat chance!
7. Savouring the moment? Huh! You don't have a clue what that means. Btw, she wouldn't need to shower to ward off a UTI, if you had taken the time to actually consider her in the process, warming her up, making sure her body has a chance to adjust, open, lubricate and become ready for your gentle and considerate approach, the chance of UTI goes from 80% down to 5%, with a little bit of chivalry. But then well... we know her needs are not priority.
And besides, isn't he fast asleep enjoying his massage induced post-coital nap? What does he need company for?
8. Kiss his junk? What? Who are you shagging?
9. You have got to be kidding! If you just shoved your pinkie up my but, you would get a bitch slap, EVEN if I like it in principle. PERMISSION PEOPLE! That is the new word for the day. Ask permission. You will get to keep your teeth, you will avoid black eyes and you will definitely avoid embarrassment. I suspect that the percentage of men who might be open to having someone's fingers just 'going wandering' is a lot smaller than the author believes.
10. And why exactly is the venue the chick's problem/fault/mistake? I have never turned down sex because of where we were.
God, I REALLY hope the original post was a joke. I definitely don't want to meet the author EVER if it wasn't.
I do find it infinitely amusing that people think being married for however many years make them an expert on sex. I am a firm believer that, all that makes you, is sexually active. And on that note: if you are the partner who has been sexually active longer or has been more experimental, or brave, that doesn't make you right about what your partner wants, if you're not getting your instructions directly from your partner then you are not the best lover she /he has ever had! The only way you are gonna get better at sex is being willing to ask what your partner wants - not what every woman/man wants. That list just doesn't exist. Everyone is different. Even the way our bodies work or are shaped, each is different from the next one. That is why I love profiles of couples that state very clearly that they want to be friends with other couples, that the sexual aspect is a bonus, an extra facet to that friendship. What that couple is essentially saying is - we actually want ,to not just have sex, but we are willing to make the effort to get to know you and make this the best experience it can be for all concerned. THAT'S what I want from our playmates. People who actually invest in other people. Those are the kind of people I surround myself with in every other facet of my life , why wouldn't I want the same for this aspect?
What that couple is essentially saying is - we actually want ,to not just have sex, but we are willing to make the effort to get to know you and make this the best experience it can be for all concerned.
Lee it sounds like you have spend time with us as you have said just what we tell the cpl's when we meet them. Have we meet and you dont know it?
Joyrider
Enjoying the rider :lol:
I find that friendship is the cornerstone of a good relationship. It doesn't matter if that's between a married couple(yes you need to be your mate's best friend too!) or potential swing partners. I think for woman more than men, there needs to be some sort of connection, some form of intimacy before you can truly 'have her', all of her, not just some mechanical sexual encounter that leaves her or them feeling " erm not sure what that was " and the other side thinking, " when again!".
There are no rules except that when it's mutual and fun you'll sense that. There is also no such thing as a 'perfect couple' or 'ideal couple'. I've met some people who all want this and that and not this way and well, lets just say the only swing encounter they will have is on the video they watch. I don't think anybody can profess to be an authority on sexual behaviour. I want a woman that can moan, groan and grunt or gag. On the other hand even she wanted to scream like a banshee, she couldn't always do it, depends on where and who is about. Then again, you meet a couple and they all just what you want but the woman is a 'screamer'. Do you give her up or do you make sure she's got something to chomp down on to keep the decibels down!
Personally I like that we've stuck with the same couples. We are all friends. We've come to know what each person prefers, what they like and when. It keeps us safe and going bareback isn't an issue. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with a night here at this club and evening there at that ressort. I suppose if you're single or just a couple you do as you please. However once you've got kids, it changes your limits.
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The occasional nibble on the right spot is a BIG turn on for many men (and women)!
4. Mr Nawty says: The "glazed doughnut look" has never excited him in any way. Shooting a full load straight down a willing throat is what makes his friggin day. Mrs Cat says: How often have you enjoyed a face-full of sticky manly cum??? I'd like to see you take your condom off fast enough to cum anywhere close to my face/chest.....
5. Mr Nawty says: As much as Mrs Cat loves jack-hammering, he prefers to extend the pleasure with a variety of pace. Mrs Cat says: you clearly don't really like the sex part.....refer point 1 for your alternative
6. Mr Nawty says: If she has the energy to give me a back/shoulder massage after sex, I have clearly failed and don't deserve a nap! Mrs Cat says: how about listening to me bellow in your massage chair and voila, enjoy your nap!
7. Mr Nawty says: Huh? We shower together....it's just sexier that way. Mrs Cat says: Um um....aren't you napping???
8. Mr Nawty says: How about starting the kissing on my lips and take it from there? Mrs Cat says: Only junk and nipples to be kissed? And this holds true for ALL men?????
9. Mr Nawty says: My anus does occasionally enjoy some attention, however, a simple verbal cue is always preferred over an errant and unexpected insertion. Mrs Cat says: If he's too embarrassed to ask, I am too embarrassed to try!
10. Mr Nawty says: Really? My lady friends love having sex in all sorts of venues, more often than not, suggested by them. Mrs Cat says: I would not have sex with "this guy" anywhere so maybe he should cherish the woman who wants to have sex with him in the bedroom....