I was asked a few interesting things yesterday.
I gave as always, My own opinion based on my own experiences.
I also sent him *here* to the forums to come read everyone`s opinions. so it is not just my advice which might not always be so kosher.
How and what would you guys advise this person??
1) Is it ok to bring a small gift on a "meeting"...or is that too much first date style?
2)Regarding std tests...do I just rock up with a new certificate or is it acceptable to do a joint test??
3)As a guy...I am used to paying..and that is fine...but if I get invited to a hotel or something...may I offer to pay?
Now my answers
1) No gifts .....reason
At a first meeting it seems over eager,but if is at a private home, something to eat with the tea/coffee is acceptable.
At a play date...sure if it is something to eat like chocolates which can be shared while cuddling in between sessions or afterwards.
At follow up play dates something like flowers or what ever the lady likes is acceptable ,BUT nothing too expensive or she might feel like she is being paid.
As the *relationship* develops..sure you get to know the person and can give him or her what ever you like. BUT only if it becomes a regular play relationship.
Normally NO gifts , if you do not know if the person is really single or not...it can cause problems how to explain at home.
2) Here I tried to say, STD`s and HIV tests should be discussed before meeting and if the persons whats to see results then they should decide together how to show testing or to go together.
I also explained that showing a test result of a week old can not show the real result as there is *window* period to any blood test done that can show negative but in fact could be positive....
so that means SAFE play always.
Once again it would depend on how this *relationship* develops always to be safe wearing condoms and using gloves and mouth dams and cling foil on strange ladies and men.
3) Oh boy this is something that I have a BIG ISSUE with....and a BIG *unhealthy*chip on my shoulder as well.
I believe each person should pay their share of a bill being it coffee/lunch/drinks..what ever on a first meet.
WHY should the man always be responsible to pay for everything??
As the *relationship* develops and each person see that one or the other is not out to just sponge on someone, then they can start taking turns or go dutch when out.
For a Hotel room I always say............... Dutch paying.....
If invited to a Hotel room by a couple,also go Dutch, if they insist on paying the room and room service, be sure to ensure you pay for the next insist to pay for the room service.
So what is your opinions and what help and advice can you give this person???
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" gloves and mouth dams and cling foil on strange ladies and men."
PIB. Again you have given sound advice and I have nothing to add to the advice, but I now have a question. I quoted something you said please elaborate what you mean by using "gloves and mouth dams and cling foil on strange ladies and men."
Sorry to ask this but EK IS NOG DOM when you speak about gloves. Is it the garden glove or surgical gloves and for what does a person use them and when?
Joyrider
Got lost in the instruction in how and when 
:lol:
:lol: Little explaining of what a oral dam/mouth dam is and how to use.
It is a latex sheet big enough to cover a ladies genitals.
The dam sheeting is placed flat over the ladies genitals covering the entire vulva, covering both the vaginal opening and clitoris, you are left holding the edges of the dam.
Now you can get down and do some serious cunnilingus....
If you also do some rimming with your tongue use a new using a new Dam if switching between as you would not use the same condom switching from anus to vagina.
To ensure more pleasure for the lady, Moisten the vulva or anal area with a personal lubricant or any commercially available water-based lubricant, before putting the dam in place, taking care not to leave lubricant on your fingers.
Lubricant on the fingers may make it difficult to hold the Dam in place.
Do not stretch the dam.
Obviously using a dam or cling foil , your finger play needs some practice to let the lady enjoy herself , here is where a TOY comes in handy!!!
Now you guys can see why I also say *cling foil* works well...it does exactly the same as a Dam, but less expensive.
As for gloves, I am talking about latex disposable medical gloves that is bought at any chemist.
You use it for fisting or prostate play or with new partners doing hand-jobs and yoni & lingam massages.
Once again , you use a new one when going from genitals to anal play.
Orgasminator
Pib moet se ons het dit so 'n ruk terug die eerste keer gesien toe die staat saam met die gewone besending kondome ook vroue kondome hier aflaai by die winkel vir verspreiding.
Daar is baie min mense wat dit ken want niemand vat dit nie, maar die gewone kondome word regtig baie gevat weet net nie of hulle dit werklik gebruik nie
@ Adonis....Glo my min mense ken die dames kondome...en terug voer van die dames wat dit wel gebruik het, is gin goed nie.
Dit lawaai glo vreelik !!!! so swhoop swhoop en so meer!! en die manne hou glo niks daarvan nie kan glo net sowel `n plastiek sak vat en speel....
Ek self het dit nog nooit gebruik nie en glo nie ek sal nie. maar dis ook `n hengste ding om in te sit.
Glo my die mense vat staats kondome baie en ja hulle gebruik dit.
Ek vat gewoonlik ook van die staats kondome en gebruik dit op al my verkeis net duurder kondome vir enige seksuele interaksie.
Van staats kondome gepraat...dit(die kondome) maak alle rubber items mooi skoon .... het julle dit geweet?? bv mense wat croc`s dra dit maak dit silver skoon en blink.....
Quote by Pussinboots1
1) Normally NO gifts , if you do not know if the person is really single or not...it can cause problems how to explain at home.
Oh Agreed! Definitely correct and completely kosher!
Quote by Pussinboots1
2) Once again it would depend on how this *relationship* develops always to be safe wearing condoms and using gloves and mouth dams and cling foil on strange ladies and men.
Definitely correct and completely kosher!
Quote by Pussinboots1
3) If invited to a Hotel room by a couple,also go Dutch, if they insist on paying the room and room service, be sure to ensure you pay for the next insist to pay for the room service.
Fair shares always better it creates no problems, perceptions or 'payment' feelings!
Quote by Pussinboots1
Talking about dams and such....
I wonder how many Women and Men has seen and EVEN used a ladies condom????
We've seen and tried the ladies condom... Besides the thing being very uncomfortable to use as well as noisy, it looks absolutely foul! Imagine the open end of a condom protruding from the lady in question as if she'd just had a "blowout"? I'd rather just stick to condoms.
As far as the "dam" goes.... I don't like to eat my sweets with the wrapper still on
@ joyrider, you maybe talking about the The Intrauterine Device (IUD) A T-shaped, plastic device inserted into the uterus by a health care professional. The *loop* was used in the earlier years of birth control,I do believe there are newer devices.
Nope a ladies condom is something totally something else.
@ Deviants I have to agree it just looks alien to me as well...I think I might also be totally lost on how to proceed, if someone has one inserted,waiting for me to play with her.
You are lucky you can play with out a dam.....but us ladies who sometimes have to play with a lot of different partners(with this comment,I mean we do not have regular playmates) I feel safer with using a dam.
Quote by joyrider
Ladies condom is it known as a loop? and if it is a loop never seen one. Now I feel really DOM and realize I am inexperience and that I have a lot to learn
Joyrider
Looking for a teacher or a coach :twisted:
Yeah, as has been said, a loop is (slang - language not snake) for a intra-uterine device also known as a T, a number of which designs exist now (the term loop was used in around the 80's when they were relatively new), they Only protect against pregnancy not against disease. They even have some which have slow release contraceptive in them, but this is not what you need for "protection" in this context.
The ladies condom is, as Deviants mention, an awfully difficult thing to use, irritating and very much "in the way". Not to mention unappealing visually. It's also difficult to apply and keep in place. I'm really not sure why anyone invented them, unless a particular group was finding standard condoms really too small.... these are huge.... probably big enough to put your fist in....
Um... ok I had no intention of triggering all your imaginations... but I think that ship has sailed....
Anyway, a female condom snipped into a different shape makes a good free state-sponsored dam
Sexlightened
In our humble opinion: manners remain manners regardless of the social situation......
So,
1) If you are meeting new potential play partners, for the first time, in a public place eg restaurant then no gift is required/expected. If the meet is taking place at their home, it is always good form to bring something eg a bottle of wine (if it is a dinner/lunch meet) or if a coffee meet, a bunch of flowers or a cake.
2) Re STD, Hiv and, let's not forget the most dangerous of all, Hepatitis Tests : it is advisable to get yourself tested every 6 months......in this game of the lifestyle there has to be a certain amount of trust and when shown a written test result which is dated and where it is clear that it was done by a clinic/hospital (and not a hand written forged scrap of paper), you have to assume that this is not their first test (unless they advise you that it is) and take the results and their statements on face value. However: always play safe and use the necessary protection!
3) As for who pays the bill: We have always operated under the following premise (and this holds true outside the lifestyle too) - if we invite someone out, we pay the bill and visa versa UNLESS we/they state upfront as part of the invite that it is dutch.
PS: why would you be going to a hotel???? That sounds fishy.....does neither party have a home????......and, if for some reason neither party can entertain at home, we would prefer a club to a hotel......it is far cheaper and is a great place to play.....the clubs are geared for play ie condoms etc are provided.
