Obsession or

I need to write this as a friend of mine at work is losing faith and hope in life itself. My friend and the partner was part of Sh but according to my friends partner there is other places where the people respond quicker! Sex has become a big obsession for my friends partner, its not fun anymore its obviously something more.

How do a person fall into such a deep whole where sex is first and last in a persons life? Work is a must and family members is in the way. The only thing the person can think of is the next sex session. No more decent conversations, just always wondering who, when, where and how the next session must be, just sex 24/7. Eat, drink, work, think and sleep all sex, forever sitting in front of the computer watching porn movies, photo's and more even slips out of bed to go check if someone is willing to come shag. The partner can not have an orgasm without taking pills or always has a fantasy in mind while having sex. Threatens and manipulating, my friend. If my friend dare refuse to have sex or is just not in the mood, its the end of the world and the days turns into a living hell.  If my friend does not agree to have couples or singles coming around for "fun" its like life turning into one big nightmare at home. It's like the partner just cares about sex and nothing else, no decease bothers the partner, "save sex is for kids"! Same room sex with couples is out of the question for my friend too, only separate rooms so the partner can "enjoy every moment of the sex" and my friend don't have a say, even afterwards the partner has no sincerity or consideration for my friends feelings. My friend gets the blame for the sex hungry partner. Is this right? How can it all just be one persons fault that the other person wants to
have sex 24/7? Best of all my friend always land up with the ugliest person to shag and the partner gets the cream, the rules is there to brake, my friend must just keep the peace! 

My friend is a total wreck and struggles to cope at work, permanently stressing, what does the partner have in mind for that night or weekend. How close is this to sex abuse, I asked myself this question a couple of times. I know its bad to interfere so all I do is listen when my friend speaks. There is no money for my friend to go see a professional.

Is swinging suppose to be like this? I hope not, cause then I will never ever swing. According to me its suppose to be friends with benefits or do I miss the point. Does it turn into such an obsession to experience that wow feeling again? 

This tread is what i definitely will follow to see what the advice will be

What a very SAD situation this is.

From what I read, your friends hubby has become sex addicted and should receive help.  BUT what to do, that is the hardest part as it seems she is not assertive enough to put her foot down and say enough is enough.

As with any addiction the person whom is addicted is the one that really should start looking for help otherwise it is NOT really going to work,it is easy for us who is NOT in this situation to preach and give advise but the one who should take action is the wife in the end the person who is addicted.

TOUGH LOVE is the only method that really works for any addiction. Tough love says *you better start working on yourself or ELSE*...and to do this is NOT easy to do not for any person in a relationship of a few years with kids and a if there is abuse happening!!!  But in the end it going to be the only way to go.

I know Lee is a life-coach maybe she can also sent some info on *help* via PM,  just as I am going to do.

As for *stranger* you are doing the right thing,  just to listen and be there when the lady has to let off steam. If you do try and interfere I am going to say you are risiking a lot and your friendship as most likely if the *sh...t* hits the fan you will be made to feel guilty for *interfering* and maybe be blamed for the *coming* divorce.

As for my PM.  it is only contact numbers you can pass on to the lady who needs the help what she does with it, sorry to say,it is her choice, I hope she uses it though and find the nearest help that is not going to cost her an arm and a leg.

All the best.

Sorry, I forgot to add your friend is also in need of counseling so it would be good if she also seeks help for herself.

Thanks all of you who answered, I hope my friend will take the advise as I can just imagine how it feels, I will really go off my head if it was me. My friend is also a bit scared for the partner. Sad to say the only thing missing is the money that must be charged for all the "fun" the partner wants, my friend is starting to hate sex, and is starting to hate the partner too, although I can see that there is so much love from my friends side for the partner but its never enough, the partner is forever telling my friend everything is boring in bed, if no one is pitch , the sex with my friend is so called boring. Instead of concentrating on work and spend time with family, the partner has a hidden agenda every single day. My friend get treated like a puppet instead. What is it that the partner want, the thrill or what? My friend does not have other friends nor sleep around behind the partners back,  Of cause I want to choke the partner but again I can only pass all the advise on and hope it will be used.

hi every one

after reading this posting i started to think and started to wonder the following, when swinging how many times a month is called exceptable or should a person only have a once every 2 months an incounter. how does it work for the other swingers out there?

joyrider

Think it must be like a surprise when it happens.

Goods question Joyrider, wonder whats the problem to answer on your question. Think you must start a new treat maybe this post is making them uncomfortable, or they dare not to say a word as they might have a skeleton or two themselves.

hi every one

after reading this posting i started to think and started to wonder the following, when swinging how many times a month is called acceptable or should a person only have a once every 2 months an encounter. how does it work for the other swingers out there?

joyrider

I would say it depends on you as a couple, what you have discussed and agreed on.  Sometimes it's a once-a-week thing, sometimes three times in a year - depends on your turn on too... If you like parties, it's simply not affordable to do that every week for everyone...

In my opinion, it's one of those things you should be discussing, when you talk about protection and boundaries and requirements within your relationship in the context of swinging.

Oh and btw if you're not having that conversation (from WELL before you start actually swinging) you're probably in for some serious drama quite soon.