Hello all,
I have been chatting to a few people on the chatroom.
And the overall feeling of the people is that we are fed up with people being here for the wrong reasons. And not respecting the wishes/needs of the people on this site.
I have now decided to make this forumn to start naming and shaming these people. So that people know who to look out for. And know that people are troublemakers. I do understand that the moderators on this site do try and control them, but myself, being a ex-moderator, know that it is very difficult to control everyone.
I hope that the current moderators will understand the reason behind this forumn, and not insist on deleting this forumn.
Thank you very much
Neil (PsaSexcFun)
Single guys have you ever thought about why you are treated with such blatant disregard?
I was a single in the lifestyle for a long time and have over the years come to the following realisation.
The majority (please if you fall into the minority don't take offence to this) of 'single' guys on this site are either here for a quick shag, or a married guy playing on the side. I have found a large amount of guys have adopted the quantity versus quality attitude. The more contact they make the better their chances. Please take this … if nothing else from this post…Spend some time .. read the profile… pay careful attention to what the people in the profile are looking for.
Then decide ask … Do I fit their requirements? If the answer is no MOVE ON.
Don't waste your time or theirs.
Be respectful, don't send a message saying 'Hi, nice tits'… yes it is an adult site and yes we are a little more open-minded than most but be RESPECTFUL
I think if you are new and your approach is honest, respectful and straight forward you woud get a lot further than you think.
So here is my opinion
Take the time to read the profile
Put up a picture in an album
Be respectful
Be honest. To yourself and the people you are making contact with.
Be discrete. Don't run around telling your mates about your conquests.
If you are unsure …. Ask I don't mind offering advice , but more than this I think most people would rather help than have to filter through the bullshit.
Hi Neil
I think every true swinger on this site understands your frustration, its my opinion that true swingers understand that respect is at the core of the lifestyle and while we may not agree with others we must always show respect and we demand to be respected in return.
As you well know from your previously experience as a mod, we simply can't allow naming and shaming, as it would become a free for all and where do we draw the line. how do we know when its a case of revenge for rejection or a truly disrespectful person, in addition it would be very easy for someone to name any one of us for what they see as been disrespectful. it is simply impossible to fairly manage a naming and shaming forum or section.
The simple truth is that been part of this lifestyle, places us all in the firing line of those individuals that thing that it is ok to treat people with disrespect and to a larger extent treat the woman as whores. For some reason they feel what while it's unacceptable to treat their own wives, sisters or girlfriends in this way that the woman in the lifestyle would somehow find it attractive to be treated as whores.
The only fair way to deal with these people is to disengage with them by blocking then in the chatroom. Then copy and pasting the evidence either directly to a mod in whisper in the chat room or report the profile and copy the evidence into the report. Remember we can't take action without the evidence.
Based on the evidence we would either warn and try to educated the person or impose a ban depending on the situation.
Unfortunately there is no perfect solution to the problem.
Niel, I fully support you, as and old mod you know what's going on, there are no better ways as name and shame people on the site and sorry Mike no of your idees of free for all are right or have substance. If it is missed used, allot of people had to gang up on such member.
As an old mod who never stand back for a fight, i am sorry there are no way that the mods can stop this abusing of members, they did not have the powers and the support.
I put in a previous forum, and Admin can try and convince me wrong, that quantity are the norm and not quality. Admin can show me wrong by deleting all the profiles older than 90 days and put in place that every new profile been approved by a mod. If such profile holder want to came back he can open a new profile with his old profile name.
I am one of the few people on the site that gave alot of time and effert to made this site the best in SA and will still do, but i think thats time that Admin listen to the memberts off the site. Go and listen what happen in the pool, and in the forum, and you can show me wrong i will admit that i was wrong.
But if we go and and looked for exuses for the bad behaviour on the site, why loose members sorry, we going to loose the best site in SA. Figures never lie.
Quote by Adonis Niel, I fully support you, as and old mod you know what's going on, there are no better ways as name and shame people on the site and sorry Mike no of your idees of free for all are right or have substance. If it is missed used, allot of people had to gang up on such member. As an old mod who never stand back for a fight, i am sorry there are no way that the mods can stop this abusing of members, they did not have the powers and the support. I put in a previous forum, and Admin can try and convince me wrong, that quantity are the norm and not quality. Admin can show me wrong by deleting all the profiles older than 90 days and put in place that every new profile been approved by a mod. If such profile holder want to came back he can open a new profile with his old profile name. I am one of the few people on the site that gave alot of time and effert to made this site the best in SA and will still do, but i think thats time that Admin listen to the memberts off the site. Go and listen what happen in the pool, and in the forum, and you can show me wrong i will admit that i was wrong. But if we go and and looked for exuses for the bad behaviour on the site, why loose members sorry, we going to loose the best site in SA. Figures never lie.
I agree. We did speak about this on the forum a few days ago even and the consensus then was to try and filter out all the old profiles. Why or should I say how long does it take for admin and the genuine profiles to make the decision. I know that I haven't been a member very long and thank you for a wonderful site, but from most of the people that have commented in the forums about fake profiles and old ones as well as the disrespectful ones they are quite fed up. And these are the members that have been on the site for more than a year and half. When are their needs being considered as with all this nonsense that they are still loyal to the site. Sorry but I am just giving my two cents worth on this.
I'll not be condoning a public name and shame area at any time ever, members have the ability to report people and that is the way it will need to be dealt with.
Yourself and others may think that this would be a good way to go, but after operating these sites for over a decade I'm fully aware of just how dishonest some people can be, I can also see a public name and shame policy having serious side effects with members trying to pressurise others into meeting or fearing a public naming, the bottom line is it aint going to happen.
Quote by Ebnivry Admin should consider making it a paysite, that way all the fakkers and pic collectors will be flushed out
IF YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE A TAD DELUDED In my honest opinion this is the worst brilliance of this site is its FREE. We've had lots of pic hunters & fakes and single guys contacting us and all we do is ignore them & block them. By making this site a paying site it would do absolutely nothing as these people will just pay. It's a no brainier. Sites like this all over the world will be infiltrated by these people we just have to deal with it. DELETE. IGNORE, MOVE ON
Quote by adminsteve I'll not be condoning a public name and shame area at any time ever, members have the ability to report people and that is the way it will need to be dealt with. Yourself and others may think that this would be a good way to go, but after operating these sites for over a decade I'm fully aware of just how dishonest some people can be, I can also see a public name and shame policy having serious side effects with members trying to pressurise others into meeting or fearing a public naming, the bottom line is it aint going to happen.
It would be chaos! Guy asks girl to meet, girl says no, guy names and shames out of revenge! People are effed up sometimes, many will name and shame decent ones because they were rejected. The very ones that would need to be named and shamed will be doing most of it themselves. It would turn into one enourmous mud slinging match. I get contacted by assholes too, mostly bi-guys as aposed to ladies and couples... I just send those people that get obnoxious my e-mail addres: :lol:
LANGUAGE warning! Stamina - please watch your language...
There might well me mechanisms to improve the ability of members to identify problem members.
There are several things which might help. A moderated rating system for example - something which could work in several ways on an automated basis:
Part one: Having had a face to face meeting, a verified member/moderator (I would imagine some moderators are well known in their authenicity by admin and so could begin the process) could "validate" a member, in so creating a new 'certification' level, more a stamp of authenticity. Once validated twice by more than one party they become "verified and now may do the same for other members they have met in person, and so forth, creating a network of "validated, authentic lifestylers" - The condition would be that those verifying are saying that they "deem the profile to be an accurate reflection of the member".
Part two: Profiles should have a rating on their profile based on complaints/reports results, if you have offences like reports against you for bad behaviour online, say chatroom kicks and other minor offences (AUP, email or contact info in public areas etc), you might be listed as "yellow carded" for a period of 2 weeks, for more serious offences like abusive language however, say you get banned for any length of time, you get "red carded" BY ADMIN automatically, for a period 4 times that of your ban (you get banned for a week, your profile shows a red card for 4 weeks from the beginning of your ban), this will be an indicator on all profiles that VERIFIED MEMBERS CAN SEE, so if you get verified the incentive is for you to be able to see the carded status of profiles you are looking at.
I'm mailing this idea to griff to see if he thinks it's possible and viable as an idea to help the quality of membership while keeping the site free.
Quote by LeeEC LANGUAGE warning! Stamina - please watch your language... There might well me mechanisms to improve the ability of members to identify problem members. There are several things which might help. A moderated rating system for example - something which could work in several ways on an automated basis: Part one: Having had a face to face meeting, a verified member/moderator (I would imagine some moderators are well known in their authenicity by admin and so could begin the process) could "validate" a member, in so creating a new 'certification' level, more a stamp of authenticity. Once validated twice by more than one party they become "verified and now may do the same for other members they have met in person, and so forth, creating a network of "validated, authentic lifestylers" - The condition would be that those verifying are saying that they "deem the profile to be an accurate reflection of the member". Part two: Profiles should have a rating on their profile based on complaints/reports results, if you have offences like reports against you for bad behaviour online, say chatroom kicks and other minor offences (AUP, email or contact info in public areas etc), you might be listed as "yellow carded" for a period of 2 weeks, for more serious offences like abusive language however, say you get banned for any length of time, you get "red carded" BY ADMIN automatically, for a period 4 times that of your ban (you get banned for a week, your profile shows a red card for 4 weeks from the beginning of your ban), this will be an indicator on all profiles that VERIFIED MEMBERS CAN SEE, so if you get verified the incentive is for you to be able to see the carded status of profiles you are looking at. I'm mailing this idea to griff to see if he thinks it's possible and viable as an idea to help the quality of membership while keeping the site free.
I think it is a wonderful idea. What I have found is that most people complain about a situation instead of thinking of an idea. Thank you Lee.
[quote="LeeEC"]LANGUAGE warning! Stamina - please watch your language...
My apologies for the language... BUT! in my post, note that I said "effed up" while explaining my point. If you mean the e-mail address - that is not really swearing. If it was, then the band "Fokofpolisiekar" should not have that name - not so? And I actually saw that on a bumper sticker. Just a thought...
Stamina let this "old toppie" agree with you but the problem is when some young Mod decide what is right and what is wrong for the site There was never a rule on lanuage on the site
My opinion/suggestions:
I agree fully/totally/absolutely with AdminSteve re the naming/shaming. This is a recipe for disaster from a vendetta/revenge point of view. Added to this, we all experience people differently eg unbeknown to us, friends of ours went to meet a couple whom we had met the weekend before. We had been welcomed, treated with respect, they were gracious hosts and had a great weekend with them. Our friends found them pushy and felt that the Mrs was being "forced" to be in the lifestyle and, in short, our friends had an awful time and left after an hour of being there.... Just something to ponder....
With regards a rating system/carding system: there is even a simpler solution which I have seen on a number of American sites. It is the facility for other people to write a short testimonial on your profile, having met you. You have to accept their comments before they appear on your profile ie if you reject the comments, they do not appear on your profile. Reading a profile with some nice testimonials where the profile has been verified is a great way for possible new friends to judge your profile/you.
A little bit of education to all members to encourage them to get profile verified and write testimonials on folk they've met, as well as, encouraging them to rather meet with/chat to verified members with testimonials will eventually weed out a lot of the bad seeds as they won't be getting any joy on the site. Plus it has the added benefit to the site of showing members that people do actually meet through this site ie advertising the success stories.
I prefer positive reinforcement to the negative "big stick" approach.....
I agree there can be a little rating system on a profile.
The only thing is...as we all differ and have our own set of standards. This rating may also just be an indicator and not always a good one.
I might LIKE someone so much as I may be smitten with them....BUT when you go and meet them, they are the biggest bore on 2 legs ever...as your personalities clash big time.
I always say meet someone for yourself, make up your own mind if you like them or not.
That is why verification is there(or should be), ask the person who has verified someone how that person is, and should you be worried about something. THEN go meet and make up your own mind.
Shame and name has never been a good option for me.
PIB
all the tools are here one the site we as members must just learn how to use it. we have the image verification which who does the verification i dont know.
then we have the member image verification which plain members can verifiy each other.
and then you have the FRIEND FEED where a person can also leave a message on.
we as members MUST just learn how to use it the right way. the only problem we have found is it we verify a member and leave a nice comment on their friend feed then the other members steel our friends :lol: :lol:
Joyrider
What a ride
Morning joyrider.
I know we have everything here.
I am verified by a LOT of people ,them I have met personally, I do not do the webcam verification bit.....as I can still hide who and what I am really, as all they see is a face.
I have found over the years that especially the ladies might contact me and ask me about a gent I have verified...thus meaning I have met that gent in person..(not always meaning I jumped his bones or he mine)
I would tell them what I thought of the gent, and then sent them to go meet and decide for themselves.
But by doing so..the ladies KNEW he was safe to go meet..he is not a murderer / in disguise.
It is a network to keep us all safe really.
Joyrider
The concern of you about the verification of image pics, its done by a Mod or Admin himself. But the problem is that its say nothing about the person only that he put a pic on with his nickname and a secret nummber and that been approve.
After that the mods have no access to the image pic, can only been use by Admin after a report been received. That means it is off no use for the normal member and meaningless.
In my time as a Mod about 99% of image verification was done for single men. Please dondt kill me.
Hope you understand my explanation, not good in the second language.
Adonis
Well I've been chatting to some webby people (yes I went and found the peops and virtually dive tackled them with ideas) at the roots of the site management, and I've been asking them about the little tweaks we can have to make the site more user friendly and safer for REAL swingers - and they've already done some tweaks I've asked for like indicators on your mail so you can see who you've replied to) and to clean up the profiles and to create a more meaningful verification system to eliminate the riff raff - if you can pm me with specific gripes, I've been brainstorming and trying to come up with practical suggestions for solutions and systems to help them solve the problems that you all are experiencing - I know I'm not very active in areas other than forums so I'd be super chuffed to get examples of glitchy issues with use of the site so I can try and come up with good suggestions for the web guys.
So far the response from the web peops is "they talking about upgrading the whole site", they are looking at the way the site works and see if they can improve it's userfriendliness" and they were very pleased to recieve suggestions which are practical and can go on the table during their strategy discussions about the site.
So please keep talking specifics here (or private mail to me) about particular issues you're having. The more we talk about the problems and highlight the little things now, the more likely they will be on the task list for the upgrade process
Quote by LeeEC Well I've been chatting to some webby people (yes I went and found the peops and virtually dive tackled them with ideas) at the roots of the site management, and I've been asking them about the little tweaks we can have to make the site more user friendly and safer for REAL swingers - and they've already done some tweaks I've asked for like indicators on your mail so you can see who you've replied to) and to clean up the profiles and to create a more meaningful verification system to eliminate the riff raff - if you can pm me with specific gripes, I've been brainstorming and trying to come up with practical suggestions for solutions and systems to help them solve the problems that you all are experiencing - I know I'm not very active in areas other than forums so I'd be super chuffed to get examples of glitchy issues with use of the site so I can try and come up with good suggestions for the web guys. So far the response from the web peops is "they talking about upgrading the whole site", they are looking at the way the site works and see if they can improve it's userfriendliness" and they were very pleased to recieve suggestions which are practical and can go on the table during their strategy discussions about the site. So please keep talking specifics here (or private mail to me) about particular issues you're having. The more we talk about the problems and highlight the little things now, the more likely they will be on the task list for the upgrade process
Can I suggest? - especially the mention of upgrading - whenever you surf the web (even during work hours) it can be 'awkward' when 'everybody moving around' can see that you are trolling SH. I don't mind if advertising and huge banners are used on the main page, but when logged in (don't really worry about the public -when they troll - all pages can splash SH all over the place!!) I want the pages to be 'discreet' and less 'SH bannering'. I wish it's possible!!
Quote by Gerrie2012 Can I suggest? - especially the mention of upgrading - whenever you surf the web (even during work hours) it can be 'awkward' when 'everybody moving around' can see that you are trolling SH. I don't mind if advertising and huge banners are used on the main page, but when logged in (don't really worry about the public -when they troll - all pages can splash SH all over the place!!) I want the pages to be 'discreet' and less 'SH bannering'. I wish it's possible!!
Dude! You surf SH at work!!??? You are BRAVE my man - a lot of what is on this site could be considered "porn" and would certainly amount to "inappropriate use of work internet bandwidth/facilities" and get many pepole fired depending on where you work! I hope you are the boss! I'll put it on my list - say would you like more of the site to be only for profile holders? about 80%- 90% of this site is completely trawlable by non-profile holders... what are your feelings about this?
Quote by LeeEC ... would you like more of the site to be only for profile holders? about 80%- 90% of this site is completely trawlable by non-profile holders... what are your feelings about this?
Hi Lee, We would most definitely vote for closing down the primary content areas (Gallery/Stories/Personals/Latest Members) to non-profile holders. In fact I would go as far as to make it so that although a large portion of the "closed down areas" become available to profile holders, there are final features like for example, the ability to view profile pics, that only becomes available once you have "verified" your profile. (Should help eliminate some of the pic-collector riff-raff amongst the other obvious benefits) I would absolutely and most definitely include some of the most basicFACTS about our lifestyle into the signup procedure screens. ie. On the home page justabove the 'new signup fields' - Describe in one short sentence what the site is and who it is for. Make it big and bold! On the very next page (Verification code), again right at the top in big bold text place the next fact - maybe somthing about the fact that the lifestyle is BASED on honesty, mutual respect, friendliness, etc. and that any aberrant behaviour will not be tolerated. ... Not sure what the next page is but you get the drift ... FRIENDS - PLEASE give us the ability to add personal notes about each of our friends into a plain text field. It would be very useful if we could note things like peoples names, contact numbers, and/or anything else about them that we want to remember. It would also probably be useful if we had the option to permanently deny a friendship request (with the option of clearing the ban later). We know a couple of ladies who prefer to simply neither deny nor accept a friendship request because as long as it is PENDING the person cannot bug them daily or weekly with friendship requests. I am almost sure that this would help to unclutter the sites database significantly. Hmmmm ... enough for now ... more thoughts will probably follow ... :twisted:
Can I suggest? - especially the mention of upgrading - whenever you surf the web (even during work hours) it can be 'awkward' when 'everybody moving around' can see that you are trolling SH. I don't mind if advertising and huge banners are used on the main page, but when logged in (don't really worry about the public -when they troll - all pages can splash SH all over the place!!) I want the pages to be 'discreet' and less 'SH bannering'. I wish it's possible!!
Dude! You surf SH at work!!??? You are BRAVE my man - a lot of what is on this site could be considered "porn" and would certainly amount to "inappropriate use of work internet bandwidth/facilities" and get many pepole fired depending on where you work! I hope you are the boss! I'll put it on my list - say would you like more of the site to be only for profile holders? about 80%- 90% of this site is completely trawlable by non-profile holders... what are your feelings about this? I'm Ok and my own boss! Have my own office! But kids can walk in as we have open approach when on Internet!! When I chat to members - they mention they are at work, and that's where this idea started. We 'discreetly' communicate with people, but the pages are dead give aways! a dicotomy!! SH does not have advertisements dominating pages - as oppose to porn! Your screen comes to life with advertisements and notices - very difficult to hide quickly etc. ops:
With all due respect, you people must remember that this is not high tea for the sandton tennis club. You are breaking social norms and religious etiquette's. And more than likely trust in a relationship somewhere.
SO please don't come with the high and mighty attitude of somebody did somebody wrong song....we are all fucking up and enjoying it. If you get bitten in the ass in the process...suck it up!
Please understand, that this is said in the light of the original comments for this topic.
Chuck
Swinging Heaven features sexually explicit material. To access this site you must be of the legal age to engage with the material of an adult site.
By entering Swinging Heaven you agree to the following;
I am deemed an adult where I live, and I am at least 18 years old
I am allowed to access & view sexually explicit material
0 likes
:lol:
I'm Ok and my own boss! Have my own office! But kids can walk in as we have open approach when on Internet!! When I chat to members - they mention they are at work, and that's where this idea started. We 'discreetly' communicate with people, but the pages are dead give aways! a dicotomy!!
ops:
