message to the couples

8 Apr 2015

Hi there.. i'll keep it short and sweet... i'm well aware there are a large number of single males on this site that haven't got the first clue on what this "lifestyle" is about... sadly they for the most part affect everyone with their lack of etiquette or common decency... However, couples... some of the single men on this site are lifestylers... please be mindful before disregarding someones authenticity based on past experience or on assumptions... Thanks... Stay Sexy Mal

9 Apr 2015

so while I fully understand what you have written (and almost fully agree) I have however thought that maybe when we say, think or even write the "we are not all the same" heartfelt plea, that we are in fact actually just implying that "all couples" are the same . . . . . in the way they view the single guys!

10 Apr 2015

what you must understand, is that, no one trusts a single guy as much as a couple. everyone thinks that single guys are only here to get laid. this has been discussed many times before as well.... single guys can not swing, nor can single girls. they may have sex with another mans wife, but that is not swinging, that is just plain old fornicating, in order to swing, you must be a couple, where you swop partners. otherwise you cannot claim that you are a lifestyler. couples who swop partners are lifestylers. singles cant swop. no matter how hard you try, but a single does have their place on this site, as some couples require singles from time to time. so if a couple envites you to their home for fun, they are infact swinging, you are not swinging you are just banging another girl.

10 Apr 2015

Jackd1112 take 5, and you can be sure some clever person going to disagree with you

10 Apr 2015

lol. thanks Adonis. I am awaiting all the negative replies, but ahh well, toughies.

10 Apr 2015

Firstly I will never claim to be clever but as Adonis said there are many who would disagree with you. I have been in the lifestyle for 10 years now & I do consider myself a lifestyler. While I agree that most singles on the site & in the lifestyle are here for the wrong reasons I also agree that not all singles are the same . Just as not all couples are the same. We are all here for different reasons & all have our preferences. I also agree that the perception out there is that single men cannot be trusted (and in most cases that's true ) & that a couple is more trustworthy , but the reality is that trust is something you earn & is built over time . Trusting or not trusting someone simply because they are ether single or a couple makes no sense what so ever. I have no problem with people being weary as a result of personal experience of word of mouth , but I do have a problem with people being dismissive of anyone simply because of their status. Before I get stoned I need to clarify something. There is a difference between personal preference & being dismissive. We all have the right to choose what we want & like & what not. So if you do not want a single as part of your sexual experiences that is your choice & right & I do not have an issue with that being your preference . I do however have an issue with people being dismissive simply because of someone's status. I realise there is a very fine distinction , but there is one never the less . Speaking to some of the singles & couples out there now. If a profile says they are not interested in something , be it race , age , sexual orientation , status or anything else for that matter & you do not meet their requirements just move along to the next profile. Being pushy & trying to convince them they are wrong or that you are the one to change their minds is totally unacceptable. There are plenty of profiles that are looking for what you have to offer, so seek them out. If I understand jackd1112 correctly their definition of swingers or lifestylers only include couples who swop partners. If that is correct does that mean couples who do soft swing , couples who ask singles to join them , couples of which one partner only watches (voyeurs) , couples who on occasion play alone are also not swingers ? I'm not sure how you can say you must be a couple where you swop partners to be a swinger & at the same time say couples asking a single to their home are also swingers . The couple inviting a single to their home are not "swopping" partners so by your definition are not swingers. In many cases only one of them will be "banging" the single as you so crudely put it. If you are still adamant that couples inviting singles are swingers then surely the single is also a swinger as they are participating in the same activity at the same time. I realise we all have our own views & put our own definitions to things. The lifestyle has such a wide range of activities that to put a single definition to it is virtually impossible. I must add it was not meant as an attack on jackd1112 (or anyone agreeing with them) & I respect that they have a different view of it than I do. I just feel that the lifestyle has a place for singles & couples & that those that are part of this community should all be afforded the same curtesy . I'll get off my soap box now & go back to "fornicating" lol

10 Apr 2015

Seems that Stoutgatte_xxx beat me to it. I am also not clever but as has been said, there is just something wrong with the definition used. Swingers: Couples, and only couples, swopping partners. Lifestylers: Those who partake in everything there is on offer (can be single or couples) and activities include things that were already mentioned. In that sense, single males (like myself) cannot be swingers, but can be lifestylers. Then lastly, you will have to differentiate between lifestylers (who know the rules and abide by them) and the others who think it's a free for all.

10 Apr 2015

hehe, ok guysm I like where this is going. let me try and make my point, however bazar it may be. me and my wife are swingers...lifestylers. we invite a single guy to play with US. me and him take turns on the Mrs. she is having sex with both guys, not just me. thus she is swinging or swopping partners. and I am a swinger because I allow another man to bang my wife. if she does it without my consent, that's called cheating and not swinging. singles like a said, cannot swing. they can bang. I can allow my wife to go out and bang another dude. that's also swinging, because I give my permission. (but id rather say that that is somewhat an open marriage apposed to swinging) I will answer your question : If you are still adamant that couples inviting singles are swingers then surely the single is also a swinger as they are participating in the same activity at the same time--- I would say the single is the banger, not the swinger. the single person cannot swing. they can partake in swinging tough, but in my eyes and many other more here, they cannot swing.

10 Apr 2015

I personally find the first comment of jackd1112 and that EVERYONE who so **liked**his remark very condescending!!!! In FACT his/their comment it shows that MOST couples, just want to FUCK and USE singles as TOYS and thus also just so want to *biblical fornicate* inside their marriage !!!!!! Pasting in the comment that made me get on MY personal soap box ******* some couples require singles from time to time****** WHAT the hell do they, the couple,who requires ANYTHING from a single person.... require that another couple can not do, is MY QUESTION????? Who then is the fornicating person and who is using who here????? ON the other hand *Stoutgatte* gives a way better better comment that does not sound RUDE nor disrespectful. Not that I disagree with the original comment of jack1112 that singles not cannot live a swinger life-styler,because we are not part of a couple, BUT we as singles DO HAVE a lifestyle mindset. Over the years I have found that MOST couples ONLY want ONE person to play with......a lady to join in their so call LIFESTYLE of swing or they only want ONE male. SELDOM do they meet or want a COUPLE to play with at ONE and the SAME time. As it is suppose to be. Here i am not saying the couples never play with another couple, I know they do!!!! IF they can find a compatible couple. How many couples has used a SINGLE person be it a female or a male to get *into the lifestyle* to ease into and see and experience the effect of sharing their spouse??? How many times has a couple found that they play with just the one person of a couple, while the other just watch???? My advise is not to BE or sound condescending towards anyone be they single or a couple. Both singles and couples should learn to respect each other. Getting of my high horse now.......

10 Apr 2015

I refer you back to your first post . "you must be a couple, where you swop partners" and "couples who swop partners are lifestylers" The emphasis on partners ( plural ) . That implies both partners swop & are having sex with the opposite partner of a another couple. By your own admission only your wife is actually swopping a partner. She is having sex with a different partner & therefor a swinger . You are still having sex with your own wife & that is not swinging . That is simply a part of marriage & that makes you by your own definition not a swinger . Allowing your wife to have sex with another partner doesn't automatically make you a swinger, it makes you open minded. My point is simply that by your definition only couples who swop partners with another couple are swingers. The rest are not & the scenario where a single male is brought into the mix is by that definition not swinging. That in turn excludes you from being a swinger as well. We can debate this all day long & keep going around in circles. I'm not sure we will agree on this , so maybe I'll just agree to disagree with you on this .

10 Apr 2015

Quote by Stoutgatte_xxx
Firstly I will never claim to be clever but as Adonis said there are many who would disagree with you.
I have been in the lifestyle for 10 years now & I do consider myself a lifestyler.
While I agree that most singles on the site & in the lifestyle are here for the wrong reasons I also agree that not all singles are the same . Just as not all couples are the same. We are all here for different reasons & all have our preferences. I also agree that the perception out there is that single men cannot be trusted (and in most cases that's true ) & that a couple is more trustworthy , but the reality is that trust is something you earn & is built over time . Trusting or not trusting someone simply because they are ether single or a couple makes no sense what so ever. I have no problem with people being weary as a result of personal experience of word of mouth , but I do have a problem with people being dismissive of anyone simply because of their status. Before I get stoned I need to clarify something. There is a difference between personal preference & being dismissive. We all have the right to choose what we want & like & what not. So if you do not want a single as part of your sexual experiences that is your choice & right & I do not have an issue with that being your preference . I do however have an issue with people being dismissive simply because of someone's status. I realise there is a very fine distinction , but there is one never the less .
Speaking to some of the singles & couples out there now. If a profile says they are not interested in something , be it race , age , sexual orientation , status or anything else for that matter & you do not meet their requirements just move along to the next profile. Being pushy & trying to convince them they are wrong or that you are the one to change their minds is totally unacceptable. There are plenty of profiles that are looking for what you have to offer, so seek them out.
If I understand jackd1112 correctly their definition of swingers or lifestylers only include couples who swop partners. If that is correct does that mean couples who do soft swing , couples who ask singles to join them , couples of which one partner only watches (voyeurs) , couples who on occasion play alone are also not swingers ? I'm not sure how you can say you must be a couple where you swop partners to be a swinger & at the same time say couples asking a single to their home are also swingers . The couple inviting a single to their home are not "swopping" partners so by your definition are not swingers. In many cases only one of them will be "banging" the single as you so crudely put it. If you are still adamant that couples inviting singles are swingers then surely the single is also a swinger as they are participating in the same activity at the same time.
I realise we all have our own views & put our own definitions to things. The lifestyle has such a wide range of activities that to put a single definition to it is virtually impossible. I must add it was not meant as an attack on jackd1112 (or anyone agreeing with them) & I respect that they have a different view of it than I do. I just feel that the lifestyle has a place for singles & couples & that those that are part of this community should all be afforded the same curtesy .
I'll get off my soap box now & go back to "fornicating" lol

Well said!

10 Apr 2015

I read that post before PiB 1 & yes there are some couples that "use" singles , but I must admit there are many more that don't treat us in that way. After many years in the lifestyle I have come to understand my role in the lifestyle much better. As soon as a single understands that his or her role in the lifestyle is in most cases only to help fulfil a couples' fantacies the easier it is not to get offended. It still happens though lol "Getting of my high horse now......." I'm just wondering if you used my soap box to get onto the high horse lol

10 Apr 2015

@ Stoutgatte I sure did (thanks for lending it to me,even if I just took it anyway).....I amfar to short to get on any high horse all on my own!!!!

10 Apr 2015

when all the dust settles, no matter what anyone says, single men (most of them) are here to get laid, they see this site as a get laid fast site. nothing else, and when it happens that couples get fed up with guys being pushy, the single guys not getting any booty, comes to the forums and makes remarks about how couples are rude, yada yada yada, this topic has been covered numerous times. YES, we do use singles for OUR needs. if they don't like it, they don't know their place. we are in THIS lifestyle for ourselves and to make good open-minded friends with benefits. we have single friends, male and female that we met on this site and they know their place. we also chill with them without even touching one another. we don't invite singles to ask them what they like to do or how can we make your fantasies come true. I think that maybe when someone mentions the word swinging, they must ad the other parts of the lifestyle as well to include wife swopping, voyeurism, partner swopping, hell what ever. and I come back to my point... singles can not swing. they can partake in swinging activities. they cannot lead the alternate lifestyle, but they can partake in it. for the condescending part??? freedom of speech PIB. if that's the way I feel, I will write about it. that's not to say that my point is valid or superior to anyone else's. like it or not, we cant all feel the same way about everything, how dull will this world be? yes stoutgatte. we are swingers, simply because we DO swop partners when we are playing with married couples.

10 Apr 2015

@ jack1112 That is why this area is called a Forum/Fora. We all have the right to make comments and post, and we can disagree with things that is said , we can even get cross with each other and get on high horses and soap boxes. Then we move on and enjoy/disagree/agree with another posting from someone Making a remark like *pasting in again* .........they can partake in swinging activities. they cannot lead the alternate lifestyle, but they can partake in it............... Is what I call a decent answer .An answer like this can not give anyone a reason to get cross or onto our high horses or soap boxes. But again to say singles should KNOW their **place** makes it sound as if couples are superior to singles We only need to respect each ,not be intrusive and persistent after a gentle rejection. Just like singles can be *too much* couples also do the same, it is a non ending circle of on going conflict. To come back to the original posting of malcolmbgood. I have read it when he posted it and have not found it disrespectful at all In fact I think he makes a valid point. A point that most singles and couples can adhere to.

10 Apr 2015

Stoutgatte en Pussionboots hoe lekker gaan dit wees om weer om 'n tafel te sit en ja ons gaan oor die leefstyl gesels, ja en ons gaan saam stem en ons gaan verskil. Dit maak die leefstyl so lekker dat ons kan verskil en ja ek waardeer die advies. Jack ek dink ek en jy moet dankie se daar is singles wat sorg dat ons fantasiee waar word en dalk minder stress oor die definisies. Wie is 'n swinger en wie is 'n leefstyler, solank daar net respek is. Oor my stelling dat een of ander clever persoon 'n antwoord sal he was met die tong in die kies en die mense wat my ken sal dit verstaan, ek sit altyd my voet daar waar dit nie hoort nie. Ons profiel is al 'n redelike tyd in die site en regtig persoonlik het ons nog net die respek van mense ondervind en wat probeer ek se, die pool is waar mense disrespekvol is en dit geld vir getroudes en singles. Hoop om gou weer saam met almal te kuier as ons tyd dit toelaat

10 Apr 2015

Personally i think the biggest part of this lifestyle is respect. If you have a wife or not, if your single or maried, male or female, gay or bi or straight yada yada yada. If you don't have respect for your fellow lifestylers then you have no place here. By this I mean respecting that everyone here on the site is looking for something different. It also means we respect all players, trying to define a swinger is not important, it's the person you look at that matters. I could go on but I think my principles are different to the single males stereotype. I place more value on the drink and conversation before playing than the sex itself. Granted I'm looking for sex but that's only 50% of the equation, I'm also looking to have a good time with friends. I guess what I'm saying is it couldn't care less if I'm labelled as a lifestyler or swinger or man-whore, I'm here to make friends with people with similar interests to mine. All I want is respect, the respect that comes from understanding your fellow lifestylers. Plus in substance a single who plays in the lifestyle is essentially a lifestyler, I'd rather not loose hair over defining an subjective concept.

10 Apr 2015

Hi all... Thanks for the comments... First, apologies for the silence... Then, "Pussinboots1" thanks for taken up the soapbox in my silence... ;-) I just want to clear up the definition debate... jackd1112 your right... single (male or female) cannot swing alone... However, if you read my comment again you'll notice the word lifestyle is in inverted comma's... this wasn't to be fancy, it was to highlight my choice in words... I (being single) am a lifestyler, meaning the lifestyle i choose to lead is one that is open to exploration experience and discovery in all matters of sex and sensuality... Lastly, want to clear up the "upset for not getting a place to dip my d"... while i can't and won't dispute others reasons for their "yada yada yada" complaints on the forums, however, i can put my statement in context.... i posted that comment after sending a very detailed and somewhat intimate mail to a couple I've played with before explaining a fantasy that developed from what had happened during our first encounter... later to receive a whisper in the chats from this couple (the mr) that my mail had been deleted as it was too long and could not have been sincere... There reason is their reason i can respect that... i just am not going to lie down and have my authenticity or sincerety challenged with such blatant disregard.. and rather than be a dickhead about it, i chose this forum to post it as a gentle reminder to all couples that are on this site. Swinging, lifestyle, bangers, single married gay straight ... whatever you would like to call it is fine by me cause it all boils down to... this is a lifestyle and its defined by ones own choice... who am i to say whose wrong or whose right... i'm simply saying be a little more respectful that your choice isn't necessarily someone elses... and whats right for me doesn't mean its right for you... thanks again for the views... made for some interesting reading... Stay Sexy Malcolm

13 Apr 2015

Maybe it's time to request that the owners of this site change the name to "Lifestyle Heaven" ? Either that, or they should not allow singles and the option of threesomes. We will always find something to show displeasure towards, and that is probably the (single) biggest reason for single members not having much success on sites such as this.