Looking for Love in the Wrong Place

(THIS WAS BOUNCED OFF THE STORIES AS NOT CONSIDERED ONE.......)

I am so sick and tired of people telling me, “You will find love when you stop looking” and I am sure some of you have been told that too. Well, that sounds like some bullsh*t to me!

Are they saying that if I sit on my couch, binge-watching romcoms and soapies on TV and ordering take-out, the man of my dreams will magically appear and fall out of the fucking sky into my backyard? It is so easy, right? All I have to do is to STOP looking, find some hobbies, join the gym or a book club, grab a drink with the girls and the love of my life will walk up to me in the mall and ask me for coffee. WTF?

Self-help books tell me that if I STOP looking and concentrate on myself, love will magically appear. It is, apparently, all about the laws of attraction. If I am happy, which I am, I will attract happiness; if I am desperate, which I am not (yet!) I will attract the desperate. There may be some truth to that, but the advice does not consider the full picture........

Why does “looking” automatically make me “desperate?” And, when have I ever found something when I have stopped looking for it or working for it? Did that promotion appear when I stopped looking for it? Did I find that perfect home with that awesome garden when I stopped looking for it? Yes, the unexpected does happen, but when I look at the odds, they are always in my favor when I have worked towards a specific goal.

So, let’s look at the bigger picture. Those self-help books are right about some things. We should find happiness within ourself. We should have passion that fulfills us. We should be complete and whole, since someone else will never complete us………..Blah, blah, blah. Being “the one” will help attract the right one and as such, I do wholeheartedly believe that self-love, passion and happiness attract others to me.

Becoming more attractive, because I exude these qualities is one thing, but finding love does not end there. That is just where it begins. I still have to seek out potential partners and date them with purpose. But, dating with purpose is where I, like most others, fail in love. Possibly I am not - cool - because I do tell the men I date exactly what I want, as for me, playing gauche and coy did not get me promoted and it certainly is not going to get me a man to love……I am NOT like that! I work for what I want!

I have been single for five years and I have been looking for love…..again. Guess what? It has NOT found me . Once I decided I wanted to try another "real" relationship - NOT as a FWB with NSA or being The Other Woman - my aim was to approach it as aggressively as I would any other goal I have ever had and conquered. I worked on self-love and finding someone to love, simultaneously. I have created a vision for myself, as an individual and as part of a couple. Creating a conscious reality meant answering some questions about what a sustainable relationship and true love would mean to me.

How do I balance love with my career, family and friends? What value does being in a relationship with me bring to someone else? How do I communicate that vision to a potential partner? Yip, my vision is as thought-out as a resume I would have presented to any prospective employer, and hopefully soon, I will be shortlisted. LOL.

I am a happy and fulfilled woman, who wants travel, have adventures in and out of bed, be with a friend-lover-partner, have a home filled with love, and this ALL, with a man who, together, also wants to created a comfortable and amazing life worth sharing.

I will continue to speak about this vision - for my life with purpose, passion and certainty - until love does find me. It will find me – One Day - because I sought it out and because I did not give up.

LOVE WILL FIND ME BECAUSE I INVITED INTO MY LIFE!!!!

I WILL NOT STOP LOOKING FOR LOVE………….I JUST NEED TO LOOK FOR IT DIFFERENTLY………..and very possibly, NOT on here!

What an awesome read!!! I, unfortunately cannot give you any advise on the topic. The exact day I decided I am done looking for love I met my amazing wife (WTF am I doing here then playing alone? I don't know). But keep on working at it and DON'T just settle for the first and best thing that comes along...a little "playing hard to get" goes a long way.

Good luck,and my you find someone that you will want to get old with.

Makes me think WAY way back ....Meeting new people was so much easier in my youth,Now adays it is not really easy at all, if you do not do bar hopping, participate in some sport, have outside hobbies or have work friends, your chances at meeting new people is less than 1% in my own view.  As one  also becomes older, it does become more difficult. Cell phones and computers are really to blame in my own opinion. Just watching the kids of today, they never really play outside anymore, they can not keep them selves entertained , they constantly need someone to supervise or is busy on their phones or infront of the TV or computers. Heck, the adults are sometimes even worse.  

Maybe just some little ray of hope Ms AngeliqueB, I know of a FEW couples who MET in the swinging scene and is happily married or in a commited relationship, Just as sadly I also know couples who has split up due to swining. But who knows your better half might just be around the corner or you are already talking to him or met him with out knowing.