We are new to the couple scenes- we had our first encounter, which did not go too well, and I don't know if I am over sensitive or plain jealous, and nowhere on this site can I find my answer.
We met a couple at their home last week friday, I (lady partners) was not happy with what I saw, everything was not right, I told my hubby so, but it was too late to turn around they already opened the gate. We went in, had a chat to them and off we went to bed, only touching on the ground rules, which was not how I wanted the whole thing to start off as it was more eagerness from the men side, as per a ladies point of view.
From the beginning the guy couldn't get it up, his foreplay was suck with his wife not that I judge as they are still young. He took such a lot of funny stuff to make him hard it all backfired. Needless to say then him and my man had an agreement to swop partners, but my hubby could stay rock hard and he couldn't get it up not even with foreplay with me or me touching him. We knew he took all sorts of stuff to make he stay hard, so I don't know if it was nervousness or what I tried to help but he was just not coming up. So he left the room while my hubby was enjoying himself so much and his wife too. After the 3rd time he walked out of the room I got concerned, and a little jealous as hubby was enjoying it and I tried to concentrate rather by playing with her clit but after a while I asked him to stop as the other man is not getting it up and it might become a problem, so he did stop, which I know might be too much to ask. Was I wrong in doing so?
After we left the other couple's husband, tried to convince us to turn around as he is now hard and up and going. We did not turn around. My hubby talked to them, asking them how it was, and they said great, they wanted to do it again, but in the other man's chatting I could pick up that it knocked him very hard not to be able to get it up. He wanted my hubby's advise and how to stay rock hard. Then over the weekend the other guy said his wife is pushing him away, don't want him, not reacting while they busy, he felt guilty because he could not please me and kept on saying sorry over bbm, all those things that let a person think twice. Although we assured them that I did not think funny and was not cross because he couldn't get it up. But the wife of the other couple is telling us a different story, that she is not keeping him away, now who do we believe him or her? Then I found out that the lady wanted to come to our place without notifying us over the weekend, after we agreed to meet once a month.
I immediately start to turn on my six sense, which tells me the lady actually putting more emotion into it than she should. I thought by getting a couple it would not turn out in an emotional issue, but now I wonder why hubby try to convince me to go back to them! Yes it is our first time with a couple and I do feel jealous is it normal? I don't know if it is my mind playing games or what but I feel we are playing with the wrong couple.
Can someone tell me if I am reading it wrong or what?
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Jealous or not? I can not find any answers to this part
Hi Joy,
This does sound like a typical case of "stage-fright" on his part, and then major embarrassment by both him and her as a result. She probably also felt "cheated" out of her new experience because of what she saw as his "inability to deliver", hence wanting to meet again without him (she obviously liked the attention she was getting and anticipated from your husband, before the playtime was cut short). It looks as if they were both over-compensating or over-reacting subsequently - possibly because they are both very keen to hold onto you guys as future friends, and keen to prove that they "can perform".
Your profile states in effect that you do NOT want to just jump into bed on the first occasion, but rather to first meet with the other couple on a social level, and let the relationship develop. And yet you do seem to have just jumped into bed with little discussion of your ground rules, expectations and plans. It seems to me that there would be a lot of value in following your stated intention, and first meeting in an environment where there is no pressure to perform, and where you have an opportunity to first see if there is good chemistry, and if you do "click". And THEN take it to the next level...
Perhaps you are playing with the "wrong couple", or perhaps the relationship just got off on a bad footing because of jumping in too quickly...? It does sound as if there may be issues of insecurity on their part, from your description of their reactions, so maybe they are not the best of partners? I would be very interested to see what MattLeeEC has to say about this post, as they / she seems to have a great rational take on human behaviour and relationship issues.
(Red)Bruce
Oh my word.
I am going to say WE ALL went through these stages you are asking about.
IT is how we handle things that makes us stay in the lifestyle or drop it,even as bad as getting divorces and breaking up.
You wanted to not go in when you arrived,you wanted to turn around not feeling comfortable.
YOU are right when you feel like this.... STOP at any time,even if you went in and you still not want to go further, STOP , say you are not ready and go home. EVEN if the hubbies press..THEY should back off.
Here is where YOUR communication and RULES should be ready and agreed on ,BEFORE playing as a couple.
And it is always advised to start of just talking and easing into flirting(here is where most people either play sexy games or watch some naughty movies) then soft touching and THEN only to move on to Other fun things.
I would advise from my view that for first time playing it is also NOT a good thing to just jump in and swop partners. Same room playing and watching each other is more advised,get to know the other couple that aroused by them as much as they get aroused by you playing with your own spouse.
It is also a very TRUE situation that sometimes a couple will find that one or two people of the couple can not enjoy themselves. and it is NOT advised to *take one* for the good of the others ,it does not work that way ever!!!!
Not getting an erection for men is not strange it happens and one should NOT make him feel bad....HIS WIFE should support him in this. and you as a lady should have gone ans sit with him and just chatted...not about sex but anything...and just cuddled maybe,put him at ease. that is if you were attracted to the gent and him to you.
BUT as both of you seem like it was your first time ,one does not know these things. and we all err ,it is human.
You becoming jealous of your hubby and the other lady...WELL also normal, but your hubby and you should have spoken about what the BOTH of you should do in situations like this....
and both of you did hopefully talk about it afterwards and SET RULES.
Going home is the best you could have done.
For the lady to want to meet with your hubby is wrong,to NOT keep to an agreement is WRONG, to make the gent feel guilty cause he could not get it up is WRONG. There are many factors why a gent cannot she should support her husband NOT want to pursue another ladies hubby.
You are jealous....STOP all play communications and flirting.
TALK to your hubby discuss things set rules and YES I would look for other play partners.
Hope this helps.
Communication and openness between you as a couple will keep you in a healthy relationship or you might find yourself with problems.
The other couple should also do the same.
I realise again & again that swinging is "not for sissies" (no pun intended). Things doesn't always work out as planned
RedBruce you referred to Stage fright - a very good assumption - one of many things that can go wrong on the first meeting!!
PIB - TAKE your time to build relationships, and to have the courage to say "No" (you always come back to this - the golden thread through all your posts!) - Very difficult especially if you were brought up that it's not good manners to say "No", otherwise you'll hurt people's feelings!
Would like to hear from the other members, and are especially (agree with you RedBruce) curious on LeeEC's take on this!
@Voyer1105 - We have "scientific proof" of this.
I refer to LeeEC post the other day with subject "Sex makes you healthy! Lots of sex is GOOD for you..." and I quote:
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over......................... Results are still pending
They are actually still waiting for results on the FIRST!! 
:lol:
:lol: To PiB,
Once again I find that I agree with everything in your response! It's a very well-structured reply. And I think it's very true that, when your gut-feel says "this isn't going to work out", it probably won't. Thanks for your insights! You must have done some psychology in your studies somewhere along the way, or is this just the matriarchal wisdom of "an old woman" (YOUR words!!) showing through?
I think you have given Joy some really useful food for thought...
Hi guys - posted this as an answer (below the ***) to the same story in "new and nervous" - I always read the other forum threads before I get to my favorite - this one
So my take - My first rule (personally - not us as a couple) trust your instincts!
I think you guys have pretty much said the same things a number of times now, I expect our friend has her answer now, but having given a FANTASTIC sex talk today in a high school life coaching class, I want to add one more thing:
Joyrider - I'm assuming you chose this name for a reason - I expect it was because you expected to get some joy out of this experience - so don't let anyone or any situation steal your joy!
I'm not into women's liberation or feminism, I believe they both miss the point - I believe in empowering EVERYONE (though especially women because let's face it boys really don't need that much encouragement in this department - do you now guys?) to have control over their experiences and environment. Sex - in all it's forms is about pleasure! Go get yours!
***
No you're definitely not over reacting... You may be reading into the other peoples reactions, but if you didn't feel comfortable from the moment you arrived I would say trust your instincts.
Was this your VERY first meet with this couple? I hope not.
Personally we would meet as many couples socially as we possibly could (if they were willing and met our requirements), but only proceed to meeting that way once we had both had a chance to think them over and give each other a decision on whether we both liked them both. It's not good enough if either of us liked only one of the others. Both of us have to like both of them, as people. Enjoy their company.
Then we would go play, but certainly your story seems like there was a bit of a rush to get "to the point" on the night which certainly could have given most "first-time-meeters", "newbies" and young swingers 'stage fright' and the reaction was probably simply nerves.
Regarding your husband wanting to return: he could just as easily have been concerned because you didn't get anything out of the evening and he wants you to. So always weigh both sides of the possibilities when thinking on these things. If you think I'm way off the mark on this one, I might suggest you are getting into this lifestyle for all the wrong reasons. Or perhaps with just bad timing.
Regarding the bbm-ing after - you should be careful not to let other couples involve you in their personal relationship, as tempting as this might be. Or the other way around for that matter.
I suggest actually sitting down with your husband, explaining how you feel and try to be clear but firm about how you feel now, what was wrong - right from when you arrived- how his not taking your concerns seriously would make you feel uncomfortable; that you NEED to be certain that regardless of where or with whom you guys might be, you are his FIRST priority and keeping you safe and comfortable and certain, is the only way you can be secure enough to participate in this lifestyle. Then you need to tell him what you want out of the experience and how he can ensure you do get what you want, and how to protect you if you are not happy in a situation.
A NOTE: On communication with men - us chicks - we tend to waffle and explain a lot - guys don't get that - I know this may be a generalisation but it's not far off the mark - don't do this is you want your man to REALLY listen - rehearse the conversation in your head - whittle it down til you're just delivering the core message in a clear and concise way - then tell him what you want to say, your man will appreciate this!
We always figure out signals before hand for each other - not always the same - to indicate if we are feeling unhappy or uncomfortable or if one of us wants to leave ( I mention I might have forgotten to feed the cat for example). And our commitment to each other is to honour the other persons signals regardless of how we might feel or what we might want in that moment.
This seems to be a good system. And you don't cause any offence for the other people; simply making your excuses, you can leave.
LeeEC
So my take - My first rule (personally - not us as a couple) trust your instincts!
I think you guys have pretty much said the same things a number of times now, I expect our friend has her answer now, but having given a FANTASTIC sex talk today in a high school life coaching class, I want to add one more thing:
Joyrider - I'm assuming you chose this name for a reason - I expect it was because you expected to get some joy out of this experience - so don't let anyone or any situation steal your joy!
I'm not into women's liberation or feminism, I believe they both miss the point - I believe in empowering EVERYONE (though especially women because let's face it boys really don't need that much encouragement in this department - do you now guys?) to have control over their experiences and environment. Sex - in all it's forms is about pleasure! Go get yours!
***
No you're definitely not over reacting... You may be reading into the other peoples reactions, but if you didn't feel comfortable from the moment you arrived I would say trust your instincts.
Was this your VERY first meet with this couple? I hope not.
Personally we would meet as many couples socially as we possibly could (if they were willing and met our requirements), but only proceed to meeting that way once we had both had a chance to think them over and give each other a decision on whether we both liked them both. It's not good enough if either of us liked only one of the others. Both of us have to like both of them, as people. Enjoy their company.
Then we would go play, but certainly your story seems like there was a bit of a rush to get "to the point" on the night which certainly could have given most "first-time-meeters", "newbies" and young swingers 'stage fright' and the reaction was probably simply nerves.
Regarding your husband wanting to return: he could just as easily have been concerned because you didn't get anything out of the evening and he wants you to. So always weigh both sides of the possibilities when thinking on these things. If you think I'm way off the mark on this one, I might suggest you are getting into this lifestyle for all the wrong reasons. Or perhaps with just bad timing.
Regarding the bbm-ing after - you should be careful not to let other couples involve you in their personal relationship, as tempting as this might be. Or the other way around for that matter.
I suggest actually sitting down with your husband, explaining how you feel and try to be clear but firm about how you feel now, what was wrong - right from when you arrived- how his not taking your concerns seriously would make you feel uncomfortable; that you NEED to be certain that regardless of where or with whom you guys might be, you are his FIRST priority and keeping you safe and comfortable and certain, is the only way you can be secure enough to participate in this lifestyle. Then you need to tell him what you want out of the experience and how he can ensure you do get what you want, and how to protect you if you are not happy in a situation.
A NOTE: On communication with men - us chicks - we tend to waffle and explain a lot - guys don't get that - I know this may be a generalisation but it's not far off the mark - don't do this is you want your man to REALLY listen - rehearse the conversation in your head - whittle it down til you're just delivering the core message in a clear and concise way - then tell him what you want to say, your man will appreciate this!
We always figure out signals before hand for each other - not always the same - to indicate if we are feeling unhappy or uncomfortable or if one of us wants to leave ( I mention I might have forgotten to feed the cat for example). And our commitment to each other is to honour the other persons signals regardless of how we might feel or what we might want in that moment.
This seems to be a good system. And you don't cause any offence for the other people; simply making your excuses, you can leave.
LeeEC
Well Well Well where do I start. I guess the following way should be right
This is Rider.
Thank you for every ones input. It is appreciated. 
From my side I think it was just the timing that was wrong. Like in Major wrong. One mistake we will never make again trust me, when I say that :wink: . I did tell my wife on Monday I made a mistake, by not suggesting a safety word or a safety catch phrase. Which I did ask her to forgive me for. For those new people reading this story. Safety word or catch phrase is a word or phrase used to tell your partner to pls call it off.
The other thing that went wrong was we should have told the other clp before hand. After the fun and games are over. Pls do not bbm us with your internal issues. Personally to use those direct words sound rude but as we have learned now, it is better to sound rude than to have regrets afterwards. And it is better to sound rude and the other person knows that, that is one of the golden rules that are not to be broken.
Well, now that I am having my say, our problem came from the Friday cpl. And the Saturday cpl, Saturday we went to watch my team win the blue bulls. We went to try another cpl that has been in the game for a long time. There I had the safety word and phrase in place and it worked well. We got the hell out of there when the man thought it is time to loosen his pans to jacuzzi. He did not even ask weather, it was okay with everyone, if we all start to jacuzzi. I mean when we left, I as man could hear the relief in the other ladies voice.
I think with the combination of Friday with the new cpl and Saturday with the old cpl. The combination of both cpls where things just went wrong, got to my lovely wife. Her expectations was high that it would work out right and it did not.
You know we men just think of one thing where women fantasize about it first. And if the fantasy don't work out right the walls came tumbling down.
The moral of the story is TIMING & SAFETY WORD OR CATCH PHRASE MUST BE IN PLACE.
Thank you to everyone that tried to give my loving wife advise. Hope I can help one day too
This is Rider.
Thank you for every ones input. It is appreciated.
From my side I think it was just the timing that was wrong. Like in Major wrong. One mistake we will never make again trust me, when I say that :wink: . I did tell my wife on Monday I made a mistake, by not suggesting a safety word or a safety catch phrase. Which I did ask her to forgive me for. For those new people reading this story. Safety word or catch phrase is a word or phrase used to tell your partner to pls call it off.
The other thing that went wrong was we should have told the other clp before hand. After the fun and games are over. Pls do not bbm us with your internal issues. Personally to use those direct words sound rude but as we have learned now, it is better to sound rude than to have regrets afterwards. And it is better to sound rude and the other person knows that, that is one of the golden rules that are not to be broken.
Well, now that I am having my say, our problem came from the Friday cpl. And the Saturday cpl, Saturday we went to watch my team win the blue bulls. We went to try another cpl that has been in the game for a long time. There I had the safety word and phrase in place and it worked well. We got the hell out of there when the man thought it is time to loosen his pans to jacuzzi. He did not even ask weather, it was okay with everyone, if we all start to jacuzzi. I mean when we left, I as man could hear the relief in the other ladies voice.
I think with the combination of Friday with the new cpl and Saturday with the old cpl. The combination of both cpls where things just went wrong, got to my lovely wife. Her expectations was high that it would work out right and it did not.
You know we men just think of one thing where women fantasize about it first. And if the fantasy don't work out right the walls came tumbling down.
The moral of the story is TIMING & SAFETY WORD OR CATCH PHRASE MUST BE IN PLACE.
Thank you to everyone that tried to give my loving wife advise. Hope I can help one day too 