Swinging is a lifestyle choice in which both partners in a committed relationship agree, as a couple, for both partners to engage in extramarital intercourse and other sexual activities with other couples and/or individuals as a recreational or social activity. Partner-swapping, threesomes, group sex, gangbangs, cuckholding, hot-wifing etc. all form part of swinging activities.
A full swap involves penetrative sex by a swinging partner, whereas a soft swap involves non-pentrative sexusl activity such as kissing, caressing, cuddling, massaging and oral sex. Many new couples entering the lifestyle are called newbies and often choose soft swap before developing enough comfort and confidence for a full swap, although many couples elect to remain with soft swap. Soft swap differs from soft swinging, which occurs when couples engage in sexual activities while two or more other couples perform sex acts in their immediate vicinity without exchanging partners.
Human beings naturally and instinctively pair bond. Cultural and religious practices have forced a necessity that this pair bonding to be monogamous for life (most probably back when life was short and brutal and humans were only one infection away from being dead before 40).
Problems arise in monogamous relationships when one or both members of a couple have a sexual appetite that the relationship is not able to satiate. People are different, with different emotional and sexual needs and since humans are natural cheaters, either one or both partners in many monogamous relationships often stray and seek sex outside of the relationship. The hypocritical part is that many cheaters would never agree to a swinging relationship.
One of the important things that is required to attain happiness and good mental health is flexibility (the capacity to be creative, practice abstract thinking, and adapt to change). Scientifically conducted research has shown that couples who adopt a more flexible approach to sex experience less fear, insecurity and jealousy in their relationship, thereby greatly reducing the need to cheat. Popular societal belief that swingers have unsatisfactory marriages and are unhappy with their primary relationships, is therefor not supported by the evidence collected.
Far from being individuals whose relationships are in shambles and who have resorted to "consensual cheating" as a last ditch attempt to save a bad marriage, swinging couples are often deeply in love and emotionally connected.
Further, scientifically based surveys have shown that the vast majority of swingers are very happy in their marriages and have strong emotional bonds with their spouses, strong family units, and are not looking for additional emotional connections or trying to replace the ones they currently have. Moreover, those surveyed also claimed that their spouses are able to satisfy them sexually and that swinging, for them is simply a way of adding spice and variety to the marriage itself, some have even referred to swinging as a “team sport,” in which “the couple that plays together remains together".
In fact, the reasons swinging couples engage in sexual activities with others is varied, and are not necessarily the same for both partners. Some engage in swinging activities purely to add variety into their otherwise conventional sex lives, others engage purely out of curiosity, while still others engage for stimulating social interactions, and some seek purely to satisfy their heightened sexual desires and apetites.
The idea that swinging is a never-ending orgy of sweaty bodies is alive and well in our society.
Contrary to popular belief though, swingers are not deviants or a special breed of individuals who display a membership mark which identifies them to others as “different.” Swingers are just ordinary people like everyone else - friends, neighbors, co-workers, teammates or club members, doctors, artisans, cops, nurses, lawyers, librarians, politicians, judges, accountants, devout religious people, hairdressers - in just about any profession you can think of.
While many people mistakenly associate swinging with promiscuity, it is not just about having sex with as many people as possible. Instead, it is more about exploring alternative sexual dynamics and providing a sense of community and belonging for couples who may feel isolated or misunderstood in their desires. Swinging allows people to break free from traditional societal norms and expectations surrounding monogamy and creates opportunities to explore one's sexuality in a safe and consensual way, without fear of judgment or shame.
Swinging can take place in any number of settings, from private home-based encounters, spontaneous sexual activity at an informal social gathering of friends, planned or regular social gatherings, hooking up with like-minded couples at swingers' clubs and parties, and public events that anyone can attend.
Research conducted in the United States amongst swingers found that in general swingers are happier in their relationships than the couples in monogamous relationships. Of those surveyed, the vast majority said that swinging had improved their relationships, with even those having rated their relationship as " very happy" before becomming swingers stating that swinging enhanced their relationships. Less than 2% said swinging made their relationship less happy, whereas approximately 90% of those with less happy relationships said swinging improved their relationships and made their lives more "exciting".
It was further found that approximately 70% of swingers experienced no problem with jealousy, while approximately 25% admitted having experienced jealousy while swinging, but were able to control it, with only the small remaining percentage having experienced difficulty in controlling their jealousy while swinging.
In other research it was concluded that "couples swing in order to not cheat on their partners", and when asked whether couples worry if their spouse will find that they like someone else better, the general consensus was that people in the swinging community swing for a reasons other than finding a new partner. It was also found that swinging made women more confident because that they are the ones usually in charge during swinging activities, and do not feel threatened that their spouses will seek sexual thrills and have affairs outside of marriage, or lie to them.
It is however important to note that swinging is not for everyone, and can come with its own set of challenges. Swinging should never be used as a means to fix relationship and sexual problems experienced by couples since that would be the same as attempting to put a band-aid on a broken limb.
The following is sound advice for those couples who would like to venture into the swingers lifestyle:
1. Trust and respect one another. Both partners must be open and honest about their desires and must be willing to respect each other’s boundaries while exploring the underlying motivations for wanting to engage in swinging so as to ensure that it aligns with your values and priorities.
2. Establish establish clear rules and boundaries with your partner before engaging in any sexual activities with others in order to prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both partners feel comfortable and respected throughout the experience. It is also important to prioritize open and honest communication throughout the swinging experience, and to be willing to adjust boundaries and expectations as needed.
3. If boundaries and expectations are not carefully managed, a relationship can be put under great strain, more especially when one partner becomes more interested in swinging than the other, leading to hurt feelings or even the end of the relationship altogether. It is therefore essential to communicate clearly about boundaries, expectations and the protocol to be followed if one partner wants to stop swinging to avoid potential damage to your relationship before swinging.
4. One of the biggest obstacles couples encounter when swinging is jealousy and insecurity since seeing one’s partner with someone else can be difficult, even when there is consent. Each partner must carefully consider his/her emotional capacity and be ready to communicate openly and honestly with their partner about any negative feelings that may arise before swinging.
5. It is not uncommon to experience feelings of guilt or shame, particularly in more conservative or traditional communities. Some couples may feel judged or ostracized by friends or family members who do not approve of their lifestyle choices. It is therefore important to be prepared for potential social consequences and to have a support system in place to help navigate any negative reactions that may encounter before swinging.
6. Consider the potential risks involved in swinging, such as sexually transmitted infections or developing emotional attachment to other partners. Discuss and establish clear rules and boundaries before engaging in any swinging activities to ensure that both partners feel safe and comfortable throughout the experience. Also, regularly check in with each other and re-evaluate the decision to swing to ensure that it continues to align with the desires and values of both partners.
7. Discussing and respecting each other’s emotional and physical boundaries is crucial for maintaining a healthy and enjoyable swinging relationship. Open and honest communication should be ongoing, and partners should regularly check in with each other to ensure that everyone is comfortable and happy with the arrangement.
8. If you are in a relationship where one partner is interested in swinging while the other is not, it is essential to have an honest conversation about your feelings and motivations. Remember that it is possible to explore a variety of alternative sexual scenarios that don’t involve full-on swinging, such as attending a sex party or club where there is absolutely no obligation on you to participate. Put communication first and make sure that both partners feel comfortable with any new experience. Please bear in mind that some people have a very low sex drive or are simply not interested in sex at all. Swinging is not going to change this.
Swinging is a wonderful and unique opportunity to explore sexual boundaries, connect on a deeper level, and improve communication skills. The decision to swing is ultimately a very personal one that should take into account each partner’s needs and desires, as well as their relationship compatibility. Only through open and honest communication is it possible to set the boundaries and prioritize safety and emotional well-being couples require to successfully navigate the swinging lifestyle together in order to emerge stronger, closer, and more connected than ever before.
HAPPY SWINGING EVERYONE.
