I am back!

Please read this if you deem the thesis too much: I am good girl! I am friendly, easy going, treat people with respect and expect the same and no hang-ups and no drama - just FUN. Ideally looking for a long-term arrangement with a woman or a couple, but also into NSA fun with friends-with-benefits! Boys don't cry - just read the thesis!

I don't play games and serious to meet people - I have met some wonderful people on this site (and others...). In Gauteng! As jy in Pofadder sit....hoe gaan jy jou slang hier kry???

Smooth where it counts and want the same! No exceptions and always safe!

I am attractive and I do have a little bit of meat on my bones, but I am not in my 20's anymore and it shouldn't matter. We can't all be perfect like Brad and Angelina. And if you think you are....dream on!

I like things to be uncomplicated and simple. Be discreet - always. No stalker drama either please.

How do you know someone is vegan - they tell you! I am vegan - keep the insults and jokes, I will just ignore you. I am very strong in my beliefs and convictions. This is not a point of discussion, but I also have a very serious side. Old soul.

I love the smell of jasmine, the smell of rain and to look at the moon. And my dog.

So this is me - I am intelligent, what you see is what you get and I have been around the block, hence the thesis below. Please take some time to read it - you might be pleasantly surprised - enjoy the humour and read between the lines to see if you think we have a connection. Everything is negotiable! Well, almost everything...

Send me a message - you will get a reply! :) Thank you!

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Here is the thesis - it is written to keep the time wasters and freaks away - just the brutal truth, and if you can't handle it - looking for a pretty little profile so you can fuck someone over with your lies - then best you move on. I am not entertaining any bullshit from anyone.

And if you are already intimidated and send me a wink and an automated message, I just delete it. Period.

If you believe I am 7'0" tall, you are a complete moron.

IMPORTANT: If you are physically repulsive; intellectually retarded; morally reprehensible; vulgar; insensitive; selfish; stupid; if you have no taste; a lousy sense of humour and if you smell...Say goodbye to me and sorry Ms. Jackson!

So depending on your mental capacity to comprehend and appreciate all this, call me a bitch on wheels or a woman who knows what she wants! I know who and what I am.

I am gay, not so much bi, but I do entertain the boys from time to time and enjoy couples fun.

The reason I don't tick the "gay female" option is because I am yet to meet a gay woman capable of NSA fun... The moving-in truck is here even before the first cup of rooibos tea the next morning! And next to arrive is the jealousy drama.... urghh.. been there, done that. Not interested.

In short: Ladies, if you are sexy and you know it - I am looking for fantastic girl-on-girl fun! Write to me if this makes you more than just smile! And if your man wants to join in, great stuff!

I've checked all the boxes and I know there is only one Angelina and Brad, so not looking for anyone 'perfect'. But like most of us I like attractive, intelligent, interesting, fun, good-natured people with manners, a good sense of humour and looking for fun, not drama.

Magic words: SHAVEN, SHAVEN, SHAVEN, WAXED and good hygiene; women 25 - 45-ish years; men 25 - 45-ish years and size matters!; race not an issue, so keep the card in your pocket.

My time is my own - most days and late evenings.

I enjoy 1+1+1....but read this very carefully: I am NOT desperate to have sex with you - you might be!

Bi-curious women and their men: If your wife/girlfriend is pretending to be bi or bi-curious FOR YOU....I am the one who has to kiss your drunk, incapacitated partner, try and show her the girl-on-girl Kama-Sutra (and give hands-on training) while convincing her she is going to enjoy rather than regret the experience. All for you!? I don't think so... and please don't let her go through something she doesn't really want to. It's not fun!

IF she really wants it - let's play!

All the single ladies - you can ring my bell ;)

Another thing - just because I am gay it doesn't mean I have a string - or even one - female friend in line just waiting to jump into bed so you can have your MFF fantasy! I don't.

I lose interest in endless swapping of messages and pics and meetings to prevent your panic attacks and paranoia.

Don't ask me to WhatsApp or BBM or email please. If we click, you may give me a call and we take it from there.

I am back on the site because the long-term agreement I had with a lovely couple on here, turned out to be a mess beyond comprehension! I don't want that again! So I invited Ms. Jackson to help with some guidelines...

Ms. Jackson is in the house and she is nasty!! So here is the extended tough love section:

Tips and tricks: Pictures are important. Don't make me ask for a profile pic. And real pics please - not from when you were trying out to be a model because your mommy and aunty said you are pretty.... and now a decade later you look like you drank too much Vaaldam water! I can't stand dishonesty. I will show you the door when you get here.

Boys, if your entire public profile reflects your admiration and obsession with your own pee-pee and there is no face pic, then move on.

NO WEIRD SHIT!!! I am looking for clean, uncomplicated, discreet FUN. For example, when summer is here and you have a clean sparkling pool, I want to get wet...and if you want to join me, let the diving begin!

NOT THIS CRAP:

Don't hide in the closet with a leather hood and whip and just when I am tied to be bed by your sexy blonde girlfriend, jump out and announce this is now a BDSM session! Next thing she grabs the whip and starts bliksiming the crap out of him and I am having scary flashbacks of the movie "The girl with the dragon tattoo"!

If you enjoy being humiliated by being tied up and urinated on and/or be hurt or hurt someone else who gets off on it, I don't want any part of it!

Nor do I want to know about fetishes like how you take pills to make breast milk because you have a breast milk fetish! Urrghhh....***gags*** - I don't even drink cow's milk!

And don't ask me if I "mind" your husband having a foot fetish when HE wants ME to suck his toes! Good lord, I can hardly get through a BJ! ***gags***

This is the normal page!! There is a special section for fetishes and BDSM and god knows what else! Please go there and let me be!

If you are a married man and lie about it because you are just a cheating bastard - go buy, install (read the little book cause you clearly don't know DIY) and use a special wanking/sucking/fucking shower. Don't come to me - I WILL tell your wife the truth when she calls me. Run like you're on fire boy!!

As for your homophobic, racist swingers party...Here Ms. Kitty Kitty (you know who you are)...I am not interested in you, your party or your Pandora's box!

VERY IMPORTANT: If you belong to the EFF or the KKK; if you drive an ice cream truck; if you have an IQ the same as your age or shoe size; doesn't have an imagination to say more than 'hi' or 'hi there' or 'hey' in the subject line; if you write like you are still at school - u r 8t; if you have issues with age and dare to write "hi ma'am" I am going to find your Mamma, have my way with her and convert her to lesbianism; if you have no idea what MENSA means; if you don't love animals - please don't contact me.

Now that all the nastiness is out of the way...come get me tiger and let's have some fun!

This is a work in progress...