Vacancy: An adventurous babe for a mad genius to conduct experiments on. You are required to use my paraphernalia in stiletto high heels. You must be willing to work extra hours and speak in tongues when I do carry out my practical sessions.

On a typical Friday night I am: Trying to figure out the major and minor products when 1-bromo-2-propene reacts with potassium tert-butoxide. Either that or partying like a rock star.

The most private thing I am willing to admit: I wear a special cologne. It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries…and it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.