Ever wondered, why you joined on this site? What made you think about swinging? What are your expectations by being on this site or any site for that matter?
I am not talking about what is written in your profile. Sometimes a description on a profile may not reveal the true expectation.
This is an open invite to all users, singles and couples, on this site to share their comments. Speak your heart out if you want to.
It would be interesting to know. Maybe improve our outlook on each user and maybe give a better understanding of the user and his/her/their expectations.
Why I joined this particular site?As I am on a few other sites as well.
2 x KINKY sites...I am mostly INTO kink,as I do meet people from kinky sites,not necessarily to NOT active there.
2 x Other Swinger sites, One is a Local site and the other an international one,The local one was where I met most people,until recently.
The reason I joined ANY site in the first place...
I work nights and I have 9 hours of (not to busy at work) to stay awake,I also sleep badly on my working days/nights and never go out when I do work,what better way to be and have to stay awake, than to be here and on the other sites.
Why I joined Swing Heaven???
I was invited by a few of friends to join here as they are here as well.
I find Swing Heaven site very user friendly and I just love the interaction in the forums and I love reading the personal experiences in the story section.
I also enjoy the way I can change photo`s and avatars daily,as I do sometimes have a *childish streak in me*and I know most will say, *Small minds are amused by small things* then so be it,who am I to argue.
I would dearly love to see more opinions of the other profiles in the forums, though with out people becoming abusive in the forums,when they are feeling defensive.
Vee1,I know you say not to say go read my profile, but my expectations is most certainly what is WRITTEN in my written profile...I for one, am totally honest there, MY EXPECTATIONS are exactly what I say more nothing less.
I think more people should take the time to give a WRITTEN profile of what they expect and want, as most just think the tick of is enough.
There will be less conflict and less hazards.
BUT THEN .... It appears that there are some people who are NOT able to read anymore these days.
Photo gazing seems to be the only thing they do.
Joined to see what was out there and to read the stories which did not really happen
Now mostly into the Forums and occasionally chatting and meeting with someone
I was led to this site through a Google search for "dogging". I was initially exposed to the concept of dogging, decided that THAT was the thing for me (would take the voyeurism to a new level), started trying to find out a bit more about dogging, ended up at the Swinging Heaven UK website (swingingheaven.co.uk), and then from there found a link to this RSA one. I actually used to access this site from time to time without having registered as a member, found out about the Germiston Lake Feather Fun proposed meet, attended it and participated (as a "non-member"), and then decided that I really should join SH in order to be able to make and communicate with like-minded friends (particularly those I had met at GL), and participate more fully.
So I'm here because this site has a "dogging" facet to it, not for the swinging (as my wife does not want to participate at all). And that is the part of the "club" where I have participated the most.
My expectation from belonging to this site is to have a greater and more fruitful access to the growing dogging community in RSA. In SA, given our security issues, "dogging" can potentially be a very risky activity, and my view is that it could be a lot safer and more fun through the promotion of and participation in "planned" dogging, rather than just hanging around at potential locations and hoping that something happens.
So I hope to meet the adventurous folks who are prepared to do the "sex in public" / exhibitionist thing, and would like to invite me to be a part of their dogging activities. That's what I'm here for!
Once again, I agree with PIB, what is on our profile is EXACTLY what we expect.
I for one (and it does seem rare) took the instructions seriously and actually made a point to write exactly what we were looking for.
But as PIB says, most people don't seem to bother to read anymore. In fact as we go, if I have some experience that changes how I feel about what we are looking for, I will go and immediately add to our profile write up.
Personally I too think that not taking the time to write anything beyond the random and pointless "looking for fun!" line, is doing yourself a disservice. I am serious about meeting up with Real people who are not simply pic-trawlers. And I often don't bother with profiles that basically have so little in them that the profile could belong to any random person you pulled off the street.
I don't understand why you wouldn't just tell everyone exactly what you want. If you're genuinely IN this lifestyle, you should be able to simply tell people what you want.
It is kind of the point! AND I suspect a lot of people would have much better "luck" finding playmates if they were just bluntly honest in their profiles up front.
If you are just looking for pure NSA sexual encounters and colour/age/disease/drug status/looks/friendship/location/marital status/repeat connections etc aren't aspects you are concerned about - then just freaking say so.
But then also when some one says they are concerned about one or some of those issues then respect that and acknowledge that if you can't comply then they are not a good "match" for you. And move on to the next profile.
It drives me completely nuts when I go to so much trouble to be clear, concise and extremely honest about what I want and the idiot mailing me doesn't even read it - makes me want to hide all my pictures so you have beg for them !
But then I am twisted like that....
Makes me want to add "I like to spank all my single male connections til they bleed"
Or
"single boys, hope you like big dildos... I like to test them on my boys before we start!"
at the end of the profile just to prove they didn't read it!
OMW Sitting here laughing....
I enjoyed that very last part of Lee`s twisted thoughts for their profile write-up....and I do have the TOOLS for all adventurous add on`s...
Being *it* a spanking tool or a dildo in various sizes....
Just holler if you need anything...;-)
Quote by MattLeeEC Once again, I agree with PIB, what is on our profile is EXACTLY what we expect. I for one (and it does seem rare) took the instructions seriously and actually made a point to write exactly what we were looking for. But as PIB says, most people don't seem to bother to read anymore. In fact as we go, if I have some experience that changes how I feel about what we are looking for, I will go and immediately add to our profile write up. Personally I too think that not taking the time to write anything beyond the random and pointless "looking for fun!" line, is doing yourself a disservice. I am serious about meeting up with Real people who are not simply pic-trawlers. And I often don't bother with profiles that basically have so little in them that the profile could belong to any random person you pulled off the street. I don't understand why you wouldn't just tell everyone exactly what you want. If you're genuinely IN this lifestyle, you should be able to simply tell people what you want. It is kind of the point! AND I suspect a lot of people would have much better "luck" finding playmates if they were just bluntly honest in their profiles up front. If you are just looking for pure NSA sexual encounters and colour/age/disease/drug status/looks/friendship/location/marital status/repeat connections etc aren't aspects you are concerned about - then just freaking say so. But then also when some one says they are concerned about one or some of those issues then respect that and acknowledge that if you can't comply then they are not a good "match" for you. And move on to the next profile. It drives me completely nuts when I go to so much trouble to be clear, concise and extremely honest about what I want and the idiot mailing me doesn't even read it - makes me want to hide all my pictures so you have beg for them ! But then I am twisted like that.... Makes me want to add "I like to spank all my single male connections til they bleed" Or "single boys, hope you like big dildos... I like to test them on my boys before we start!" at the end of the profile just to prove they didn't read it!
Lee and PIB. I fully understand what you are saying about writing up your profile and taking time to do so. But what I am trying to see, over time and with getting comfortable with this site, a users wants, needs, requirements evolves. However, the profile descriptions do not change accordingly. Hence why I asked the question. I do take the time to read all profiles, and have seen that profile descriptions do not change for many users.
We joined the site after a rather disappointing non-encounter.
I had met this extremely sexy guy, who got my juices flowing. K_ encouraged me to see how far I could take our chats. From the beginning it was very obvious that *if* anything materialised, K_ would be watching and/or participating in the action. We set a date and the excitement began to build even more.
Two nights before the date, he began asking if I was willing to break our rule for him, so we could have one night alone. I told him that under no circumstances was that going to happen. The only reason this conversation was happening in the first place, was because of our golden rule: 'Do what you want, with whomever you want, as long as I am watching and/or participating'. He finally said that he understood, and the rule was there for a reason.
The day of the *date*, we still had to agree on a time and give him our address… he never responded to any messages and didn't answer his phone. We have decided that the reason he didn't respond, is that the idea of being watched freaked him out.
After some discussion, we decided to join a swinging site, with the expectation being that if we find someone we like, there is an understanding about being watched from the get go. Also, by virtue of being on this site, we expected that people would get a kick out of being watched, as opposed to being scared away by that requirement.
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Quote by Pussinboots1 OMW Sitting here laughing.... I enjoyed that very last part of Lee`s twisted thoughts for their profile write-up....and I do have the TOOLS for all adventurous add on`s... Being *it* a spanking tool or a dildo in various sizes.... Just holler if you need anything...;-)
Mr E and I have been swopping fantasies for a few years now as to what we would love to do and experience if we bring another person(s) into our sex life. It started off with me wondering how it would be to do another lady with a strap on dildo which we bought (how it happened to be a strap on is a funny story to itself).
From there we started a fantasy of a gent joining us and at some point I said but what if it was a couple to join us. And simply got curious as to how and were on would find people to join, I Googled!
We are still evolving and changing the profile as we go along and chat to people and meet up with them.
And of course I got hooked on the forums as well since there are so much to learn here from the more *experienced* swingers
Quote by Vee1 Ever wondered, why you joined on this site? What made you think about swinging? What are your expectations by being on this site or any site for that matter? ......... It would be interesting to know. Maybe improve our outlook on each user and maybe give a better understanding of the user and his/her/their expectations.
Good one Vee1! It's not even a year ago that I opened myself to the virtual world of dating sites - out of pure curiosity and may I add that porn sites became VERY VERY boring. I wanted to participate and not just drool! The drooling left me dehydrated! I joined a dating site - the ones that guarantee a f....k before the end of the day (:doh - I found people that wanted the ultimate experience (sex or friendships?? - I'm still researching which one!)! I met a couple of friends - outside my city's (typical "dorp"!) boundaries - and I also got lucky a few times. I discussed the same information with one of my virtual friends from the south and the friend invited me to SH! Saying that I have a better chance of finding what I'm looking for! I'm definitely not looking for a new marriage but a revived / renewed one! :rotflmao: I found a community (with the odd fakes, bad mannered, disrespectful, etc. - like all other sites I out there) that I think (have a good gut feeling in any case) over a period of time will prove to me that a safe environment with the best of both worlds (friendships & sex) will bring out the best in people and myself, off course! Swinging was a new concept and up to today I'm still keen and interested (after literally 'eating up' / assimilating all information on SH and others)!
Gerrie, I am not sure that swinging is actually what you need, but please not take that to mean you should bail from SHE, we like talking to you!
I would though recommend a relationship coach. If you can't find one in your area there are coaches who offer online or correspondence coaching as I do and there are online programmes too like "Make your wife your New Mistress" (I'm not exactly sure of the title, but you should find it with Google) which teaches you how to "flip all her switches"
I little understanding for how her head works (it's not as complicated as you think) will help you push all the right buttons to turn her into the sex kitten you always wanted (i have proven results with my coaching!)
If you REALLY want a revived marriage, help is available and it is probably no where near as difficult as you think it is to get what you want.
NOTE: Coaching in NOT counselling, think about a sports coach, you strategize with a coach, run plays, figure out courses of action, bounce ideas off them and get encouragement and advice from, so you are better at that sport.
It works on the same principle. It just focusses on life aspects - in this case relationships.
We really don't generally unpack feelings unless the client feels they are pertinent to the problem or solution.
Hope that was helpful
that what people write in their profile can sometime just put a person off. what i mean is a person can read in the profile especially when they have a long story to tell that person or cpl has had a bad experience or that they think they are gods gift and everyone must bow down to them.
In the end everyone's expectation is the same to have sex, the only thing a person is really looking for is to see if you all can get along
Quote by MattLeeEC Gerrie, I am not sure that swinging is actually what you need, but please not take that to mean you should bail from SHE, we like talking to you! I would though recommend a relationship coach. ....... Hope that was helpful
Thx LeeEC! I'm teachable and open, and maybe appoint you (if you offer your services ;-) ) as my coach! An excerpt from another posting ("Initiating") - giving more light on why I joined and are strongly considering swinging instead of staying a cheater: "Talk (talk & talk &) about sex and your fantasies with your spouse (I recently started with that again because of what I picked up and learnt from reading the fora on this site!! - Yes we have very wonderful contributors here!). We have a happy marriage - we had many sexual encounters, many intimate moments, and it was mostly fun, but….. Sex in the marriage is either a duty/service to the spouse OR harnessing the sexual energy to strengthen camaraderie / friendship (moving closer than close!) – I want the LATTER. I'm an avid reader and prefer to read educational books rather than fiction, and despite all the academic information full of old paradigms (I will leave this for another discussion), it was here on SH that I started to experience 'the talk about everything to do with sex' "
Everyone is looking for something different (to some extent). I think assuming everyone's here for the same thing is a bit dangerous.
Additionally if the profile puts you off then you shouldn't be contacting them or pursuing them. They are not your "type".
There are plenty of people who will appeal to you, so it's not necessary to judge their conditions or wants or needs.
Those aspects/requirements are there in the arrangement because THAT is what those people NEED to be in place in order for the activity of swinging to be "acceptable" or "safe" or "agreeable" to the that couple and their relationship.
It all boils down whether or not you RESPECT the other people on the site, and if you do, you will allow them the right to make their own choices and express their own wants and needs and requirements.
If you don't like it - move on to another profile.
And it's probably not a clever idea to to assume that other people's requirements /profiles are a rejection or judgement on you.
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