10 May 2018
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8 minute read
How to tame a beast? You Don’t!!!!!!
Growing up in a secure and loving home. Set rules and strict values. Something I don’t regret. Decency and manners seems to be an optional extra these days. But how to tame a wild child?
Since I can remember I was always playing with myself only to be yelled at. I did not understand why. It felt good when I touched myself or tickled my clit with a towel edge. Why was it wrong?
So, I did what all kids end up doing. Just did it more cautious and private. At the age of 13 I had my first boyfriend, but nothing more than holding hands. And my mother was like a hawk any way. But I remember at night laying in bed and dreaming up all these scenarios of a boy coming to my window. I would pretend to get undressed in front of the window, so he could see me. Wanting to make him lust me. Wishing today I wrote all my thoughts down. Dammit there was so many. By this time a master at masturbating. I remember coming home from school and could not wait to go to my room and lock my door. We did not have internet to search, so I would say I had a wild imagination.
I remember one night late watching a movie were a girl was kidnapped, drugged and raped by the men that held her captive. To my surprise it drove me insane. I was horny wanted something like that. I could never tell anyone as it is crazy. And yes, it is! But I know today that it was not rape that I craved it was the being tied down and the hard fucking that had me lusting. Not having the leisure to talk to anyone about this. It became buried in the beast cage. Praying it will go away.
After losing my virginity at 16 I was quite disappointed. Was this it???????? Fuck no. Something was brewing deep inside and I needed more. Perhaps a more experienced partner would have left me with another view. Perhaps if I waited till I was older. The idea of sucking a mans cock felt sick but I wanted to be forced to do it for some reason. One afternoon I got home late after sports but earlier than my brother expected. I walked in on him and a bunch of boys watching porn and jerking off to it. Flushed at the mere view but knowing that he would chase them all away at once. I left in a hurry and locked my room. But as the key turned I had my hand down my panties. No time to remove my shorts. I would take the handle of my brush and fuck myself. But always feeling unsatisfied. After my first disappointment came a second and third. Boys would fuck for a few seconds at most cum and be done. Noooooooooo there must be more. I needed more wanted more.
One evening we went to a club we use to go dance at. One of my brother’s friends from the house that day wanking was there. I could not look the other way. He has never interested me at all, but for some reason I was in lust. He blushed when I greeted. So here is when I would usually just greet chat and wait for him to make a move. But not tonight. I was not even allowed to consume alcohol. But as a leaned over I without blushing or blinking told him to follow me out side towards the stadium. He did. As we reached a dark enough spot I turned and without waiting kissed him. No words were spoken. He lifted my dress and slid his hand down my panties. I was wet. He was 3 years older and I guess more advanced. All I heard was. You are wet. His fingers slid in and out of my pussy. I unzipped his jeans to release the bulge that looked like he was going to burst. He pushed my head down and as I was about to take his cock in my mouth he thrusted it into my mouth. Making me gag. I wanted to do this more, but he pulled me up and bent me over and thrusted into me. As I yelled he closed my mouth with his hand. And I loved the rough way he treated me. But soon he came on my ass. Fuck no no no no. I wanted more. My panties still dangling around my ankles he half cleaned his cum with his shirt. I said my brother may never know. He would kill us both. That was the last time we spoke. I expected to feel all in love the next day. But I wasn’t. Did not have any need for more of him. That made me feel like there was something wrong with me. But I still searched for more. Finally, I met my husband of today at the age of 17.
He was a good and decent young man. I did not disclose my dark side to him. Scared of what the outcome would be. After dating for about 3 months and not much more than kissing and touching a little. I got home one afternoon and could not stop masturbating. I wanted to be fucked. No more good decent daddy’s girl. I wanted to be fucked hard. So, I called him and said could we go to his place instead of supper as he suggested. He sounded quite shocked but agreed. My parents were under the impression that we went to a restaurant any way. I was not allowed at his place at all. So, we drove there he had a supper made. Don’t remember eating that much till we ended up in his room. Before I knew it, we were having sex. But he was being gentle. But to my surprise as I wanted to get dressed he said No. That was a starter. Then he taught me how to suck cock. Telling me and guiding me what to do. He grabbed my hair and fucked me. I only then felt what an orgasm without masturbating is. And I wanted more way way more. Pity I had a 12-o clock curfew. Fuck I had to be home. I don’t think I slept that night at all. I fucked myself with everything I could find in my room.
And now I must masturbate before I continue………. Ok feeling better.
We never stopped. We learned & grew. If I imagine sex those days to now. Wow it is mind blowing. But I am a strong and tough woman. I don’t step down to any man in life. So why do I find myself wanting to be submissive. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like serious and crazy pain. But I do like pain a little. But by pain I mean being fucked hard. I don’t see it as being weak. Because I am getting what I want and ordered. So how submissive am I? It takes a strong man to fuck me begging for no more. I married my Bull. He won’t stop till I am sated. Then we found ourselves here.
I have never felt unsatisfied. But somehow always want more. And not just in the bedroom. In life. I question my career my town. What if there is more. The only things I never want more. Is Children. I have amazing kids and am satisfied. A Husband, that fills my every desire and need. He saw the darkness lurking inside me, when I thought I hid it so well. So, when I refer to more it is not something I seek without him or that he does not provide. It is just that my bucket list keeps growing. Waking some nights covered in sweat. My beast haunting my dreams. Wet from what hides in the dark corners of my mind. They reflect in my eyes some days. Making looking into the mirror a journey. I have questioned myself many days. Is it normal for me to enjoy seeing my husband fuck another woman? Why do my toes curl when she has an orgasm? Is it normal for a woman to enjoy sex the way I do? Is it normal for a woman to enjoy having sex with men and not be in love with them? No, I am in lust. So, I guess this is my normal!
Strange how being at a vanilla gathering how I feel chained and captive. Not worth it to try and explain what this is. I don’t even have all the answers. When even reading this and all the thoughts I have daily, my upbringing and society’s voice wants to tell me that there is something wrong with me. But through seeking other beasts I know I am not alone. How lucky was I to also marry a beast. But each beast carries his own sword.
When will this hungry beast inside me go to rest?