11 Feb 2019

I am a BIG advocate of Sex Dates.

NO! Not a dinner date. Not a movie. Not a walk in the park or even a breakfast run on the bikes. Just ….. A Date for Sex. And why? Because Sex Dates are very important to all of our well-being. LOL

We often hear how couples today, set aside “date night.” It is their "special evening" where they make time for each other, without distractions – no kids, not chores and definitely, no work. It might involve a nice romantic dinner, a show, a park run with the dogs or merely alone time together at home. Oh, and maybe even Sex.

Knowing what we do about the power of Sex, to energize and uplift our minds, bodies and souls, it should surely be as important to prioritize Sex in our lives, right? To even schedule it to fit in. Think about all the other self-care regimens we have: visits to the dentist, gynae, proctologist and even to the gym. Do we leave them to chance? Hope that we will eventually get around to them? Or, do we look at our calendar and figure out when to make them happen?

For me, Great Sex is extremely important for my overall state of physical and mental health - almost like daily exercise. (I wish!) It needs lots of practice – especially, for this teacher. LOL So, each week, as we look at our respective schedules and try to figure out how the hell we are going to fit everything in that needs to be done (for those who are still parents, this can be quite a mind fuck in itself) we need to slot SEX in too. We need to make it happen!

It is evident from research that we need to carve out a minimum three-hour weekly Sex Date. Yes! Three hours devoted exclusively to Sex and that, excludes Quickies…..Those are just for sommer! If a couple can commit to the same day or night each week, that is great, but if not, best the calendars get taken out, so that sex-scheduling can begin. If it is possible to organize for more……Fucking wonderful!! Hopefully, there can be bonuses here and there too!

But, does this not take the spontaneity out of it? Does knowing we are going to the gym at 6am or at 6pm take the bliss out of it? NO it does not. In our busy, modern lifestyles, we cannot leave important things simply to chance. Or otherwise, they simply will NOT happen. Sex IS vitally important to our well-being and to our relationship’s sustainability.

Sex tends to be so easy at the beginning of a relationship. We put a LOT of attention and energy into developing the connection with our new partner, and our sex lives reflect this. It thrives. However, as time goes on and we feel secure in the relationship, we turn our focus elsewhere. Eventually, the lack of attention shows up in bed. It is not that a natural biochemical drop-off happens after several weeks, months or even years. It is just that we prioritize our connection less and that unfortunately, shows up in our physiology.

Listen, it does not have to be three hours every time, but it should be at least one three-hour chunk of time weekly, where we can open up and completely relax into the sexperience. We can get to experiment with massage, fantasies and techniques to add depth and variety to our repertoire. We get the time to really explore and that is how we grow……Sexually!

Plan ahead.

Text each other your desires for the Sex Date.

The anticipation becomes sexy foreplay.

Tuesday evenings or Saturday late afternoon or Sunday morning! Do not laugh. Just nod. Do not even look at your phone until the 3 hours are up. Ever!

That is why we will glow…….