13 Feb 2019

As commercial Hallmark holidays go, Valentine's Day is perhaps the one most inflicted on the masses every year; the dreaded V-Day causes, stress, anxiety and to some, mostly the poor singles like me, general annoyance across the board. You would think that one lovesick holiday in the month of February would be sufficient, but believe it or not, there is actually one other occasion that occurs during this time: The day before Valentines Day, a.k.a. Mistress Day.

TODAY is Mistress Day - a day which brings florists and restaurants almost as much business as V-Day. It has been the unofficial designation of February 13th for some time. It takes place on February 13th, because the 14th is obviously taken, and because if it were on February 15th, mistresses everywhere would be reminded that they (gasp!) cum second to the actual wife/girlfriend of their man. A clever man will avoid that at ALL costs, as there is nothing more annoying (and potentially life-threatening) than a Mistress scorned. One moment you are enjoying Valentine's Day dinner with your wife or girlfriend, and the next, Glenn Close is boiling your daughters pet rabbit on your stove. Subsequently, the men with a fatal attraction make sure to wine and dine their Significant Other, on February 13th.

So, what about February 15th then?

For many years now I have heard men lightly lament the inequity of February 14th (and 13th) as both officially and unofficially, the traditions associated with courtly and illicit love having been hijacked by commercial interests. It has become occasions wherein, the woman will send and the man must spend. Indeed, it is the female who is most often on the receiving end of the attentions and tributes--flowers, candy, cards, jewelry, etc. The male is charged with first procuring these articles and then, footing the bill for the evening(s) amusements.

Therefore, what can be done to right this grievous slight?

I know just the thing: a fitting counterpart-of-a-day to celebrate and promote the felicity of the Male heart. But, what would YOU as a man want, IF allowed to choose of your own accord your own Valentines Gift? I am guessing candy and flowers would NOT make your list, but there can be no doubt - the double delight - of a Steak and BJ; that would do just fine. Right?

Gentleman, I declare, with love and gratitude for all of you:

February 15th, shall from now and forward be celebrated as NATIONAL STEAK AND BJ DAY.

The Steak

I can cook, so do not worry. Steaks are easy. However, they are not indestructible. Therefore, I may consult the cooking channels on DSTV or browse the Internet (I am good at that! LOL) But, be sure that it will be lovingly and well prepared.

First, I must know my man. I have to do some homework, as all good teachers know how to do. Does he prefer the marbled, tender cut of a T-Bone or the lean sinew of a Filet? The cooking time is of the utmost importance. For instance, a perfect medium should have a hot, red centre and hence, I must know his preference and not overcook it. I may finish my carne masterpiece with a crown of herbed butter for added decadence if so inclined and, the side dish choices I will leave to considered judgment. The only rule, and this is a must, is that I will be at his service.

The BJ

After perusing several scholarly articles on the art of fellatio for a previous article posted elsewhere, I am not going to set about compiling worthy data into a comprehensive report on the practice and drift into erotica. Instead, I will leave that task and say simply this:

Hot mouth. Soft lips. Smart tongue.

My Valentines Gift to you:

Then on request,

She kneeled before her man,

Unbuttoned his pants;

Took his penis in her jeweled hands,

And with a neatness of touch,

An expertise,

A subtlety few women had ever developed,

Sucked on it, until he was satisfied.