I have nothing to speak of but my self and what can I say, what I feel and what I think.
That does not make me a Narcissistic.
I'm a demanding sexual kinky partner on a number of levels. Basically, I'm a bit of a sex *snob*.
Ermmm did I just say that???
Being nearly a reborn virgin due to NOT having any sexual encounters this last FEW months??
I am Not talking about the sex at home that is.
And I am NOT talking kinky play.
I am not really that wonderful a sex partner anyway.Only wonderful in my own mind.So to say I am a *Sexual Snob* well maybe I have to *big* a head for my own shoulders.
Although of course I accept and respect the fact that MOST people don't spend as much time thinking about sex or talking to other people about sex or cruising sex subjects as I do.
I am after all a self proclaimed sex addict.
There's a basic level of competence I expect from my partners that includes knowledge of anatomy,safer sex and kink practices and materials, well-directed enthusiasm and skill, and communication skills (including the ability to tactfully give or receive criticism).
I'm the kind of *snob * who doesn't understand why people accept less! (annoying, right?).
It's been suggested to me on a number of occasions recently ,that if I am so particular about the skills of my partners, I should be more than willing to teach them my EVIL ways.
I sometimes think this way of thinking and telling me off is to get me to meet and *show off* these so called skills of mine.
Well, I'm not willing.
I know, I know,this needs some elaboration.
While I'm happy to give directions as to the keys to my particular predilections and buttons and all.
I just don't really have a desire to give a partner a thorough education in fuckery.
It's just too much responsibility, and it creates a peculiar imbalance in power within the kinky sexual relationship. Heck in any sexual activity.
Teaching specific skills (like fisting) can be totally hot, but turning the whole arena of sex into a classroom just sucks.
Looking back at that sentence, I`m chuckling to myself a bit, thinking shit, turning the arena of sex into a classroom is what I strive to do in many ways, so what's the big deal.
The big deal is this –
I used to compulsively put my own needs and desires on the back burner and take care of other people all the time, often at great cost of not getting any satisfaction myself.
Far to busy making sure the other person is satisfied
In the past few months, I've done some shuffling of things so that much of my urge to help and support people is expressed and doesn't eke its way into my personal and play relationships.
Of course there remains the risk of becoming too guarded, something ,I'm trying to be very much on the alert for.
It's interesting (and I think commendable) that I've gotten to this place where I can 'just say no' to giving too much of myself and putting myself in situations where the energy flows in one direction – out of me.
It's tough to create boundaries when you're trying to maintain balance – and I know some of the boundaries I have may not make perfect sense to other people, but I need them to make sense of my wacky world (and to stay true to myself).
If this whole prattling on and posting makes sense, as to why I am in HIBERNATION and not meeting people...I am looking after *ME* for a change.
I need *me* time.